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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

What to do about teen son?

Posted by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:57 AM
  • 15 Replies
My son is 15 years old. He is very involved in after-school activities but once he comes home at 3:30pm, he sits down and watches tv, does homework,and plays on his computer. He never hangs out with friends. In the last year, he has gained 60lbs, making him about 250lbs! He rarely helps around the house and gets annoyed if I ask him to. I have tried talking to him about this, but I don't get answers. I tell him he can invite friends over, but he rarely does. I am really worried about him. Any advice? Thoughts? Ideas?
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by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 1:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 2:20 AM
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Helping out around the house isn't an option.. it's a requirement. If chores aren't done, all electronics are removed.  PLAIN AND SIMPLE

What afterschool activities is he doing?  Are they active ones? I require my kids to pick ANY sport and participate in it 2x a week minimum. If they want to do it more...I'm more than happy to accomodate.

As for friends? If he's happy not going out, then I wouldn't stress over that one. If he's depressed or upset that he doesn't have friends, thats a different issue. My oldest is a 1-2 close friends kind of guy vs. I need to be everywhere with everyone all the time. I can totally relate. It's who he is so I let it go.

GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:27 AM
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I agree with Jinx - and a rule I have with my son is that for every hour of Xbox he plays he must have that amount of exercise during that day. (he plays for roughly an hour a day). So both chores and a decent amount of exercise must be done before ANY electronics are used. (besides WiiFit/Xbox Kinect Sports etc) and if it's for homework then he sits right next to you to complete the homework, and then straight away off again until he's ready to play by moms rules. And Jinx just a question - considering making it a rule for my DD21 that to continue living with me she must be doing at least a music lesson and a driving lesson once a week - she stays around here far too much for my liking now lol. sound fair?

Quoting Jinx-Troublex3:

Helping out around the house isn't an option.. it's a requirement. If chores aren't done, all electronics are removed.  PLAIN AND SIMPLE

What afterschool activities is he doing?  Are they active ones? I require my kids to pick ANY sport and participate in it 2x a week minimum. If they want to do it more...I'm more than happy to accomodate.

As for friends? If he's happy not going out, then I wouldn't stress over that one. If he's depressed or upset that he doesn't have friends, thats a different issue. My oldest is a 1-2 close friends kind of guy vs. I need to be everywhere with everyone all the time. I can totally relate. It's who he is so I let it go.



fammatthews4
by Trisha on Jan. 30, 2013 at 6:40 AM
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Is he upset about not having friends. If not I would leave it alone. As far as the electronics go tie them to his chores. If the chores and homework aren't done he doesn't get his electronics that day.
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Jem313
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 7:30 AM
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He is involved in music (singing and band), 'nerd bowl' (that's what he calls it), Environmental Club, and plays soccer during the fall. He doesn't mention not having any friends really, but he doesn't talk about stuff at all. All he does is sit around the house.
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lazyd
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 4:52 PM
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I wouldnt worry about the friends.  I would be more worried about the weight.  Stand up for yourself and you take the controls to the xbox away if he hasnt done his chores yet or homework!  Keep all junk food out of the house.  Put a bowl of fruit or veggies w/dressing next to his hand, so when he is busy playing and not paying attention, his hand just reaches for food and it is healthy food. 

sabrtooth1
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 7:24 PM
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Since school gets out st 3:00 or 3:30, when exactly DOES he have extracurriculars?  My kids were in band, and they had section practice twice a week from 3:30 to 5pm, full band practice once or twice a week, individual instruction once a week, marching practice from 6 to 8, 4 days a week in season, and that was JUST concert and marching.  Symphony, jazz, pit, and chamber were extra.  And that was just BAND.  They were in other things as well, PLUS, they had chores, homework and jobs the day they turned 16.  Sitting on their rears was NOT an option in my house.  "Getting annoyed" when they were asked to do something was NOT an option in my house either. 

Find your spine!  Get rid of the computer.  Put YOURS in your room, and lock the door.  Put parental controls on the TV, and don't tell him the password! Buy ONLY healthy food, and only a limited amount.  Get RID of soda.  Make exercise mandatory--but it always helps to go WITH somebody, so you or your DH should go, too.   

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:11 PM
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He is home by 3:30?   When does he have his extracurriculars?    He gets annoyed if asked to do chores?  Oh Well!    Print out a chore list.....your expectations should be clear and precise.    He does his chores and homework, he earns computer and TV time.    No chores, No computer.

60lbs in one year is a substantial gain.   How is his diet?   Weight gain is a sign of depression and it may be lowering his self confidence.   I would work on his eating habits and excercise regimen.    Start with an after dinner walk....together.   It will give you some quality time together and get him up and moving.    There are lots of fun ways to excercise as a family.   Hiking, biking, Swimming, Gardening.   




02nana07
by Ida on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:47 PM
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 You need to be worried about his weight that is alot to gain in a year.  I don't think helping out should be an option he needs to pull his weight and help out around the house.

Zamaria
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:52 PM
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Chores aren't optional. And limit his time with electronics. My kids get 30 minutes a day during the week, an hour plus one movie a day on the weekend. The weekends are kind of flexible, but weekdays are not. All that time on video games, tv, computers, etc. isn't good for him.
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MamaSnaps
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:05 PM
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Simply put: you have to work for your rewards and down time, so should he. By NOT having to work for anything you are not helping him later in life.
If they want the games here it costs them an hour of labor for an hour of gaming. If they want to have clean clothing they have to do a few things or their clothes do not get washed.

He has all of the rewards in life-computer, games, tv, nice clothes and all of the other things he loves, but has to do nothing to gain them. Free has no value. Think about the things you own. If you picked something up super cheap-dollar store-you aren't nearly as careful with it as the same thing that cost you a LOT of money. I've said it many times: "eh, it's cheap enough. If it's garbage I can just get another one..." It doesn't cost him any thing for all of those rewards.

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