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Strict Parenting or Strict When Needed parenting?

Posted by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 2:04 PM
  • 40 Replies

  My parents were ridiculously strict and I rebelled. I never did anything really stupid like sex and drugs but I rebelled in other ways. If I was grounded, I would jump out my bedroom window and hang out with my friends anyway. If  they didn't like my B, then by God they were going to love that C I was deliberately going to get on my next report card. I was stubborn and spiteful and I gave my parents a run for their money. Eventually, things got so heated, we just couldn't live together anymore. I moved out and moved in with a family friend. She had already raised two teeangers and knew exactly what to do. She left me alone! She praised my good behavior, gave me disapproving looks when I got mouthy. She never said one harsh word to me. The punishment always fit the crime and I knew that I was punished with love. I never got in any trouble again.

  So now I have my own teenager to raise and I am faced with this issue. Which route should I take? Strict, strict when needed, or lenient parenting? When she was younger, I chose strict when needed parenting.  But now that she is a teenager, I get heat from other parents who say I need to lay down the law when she does something that I think is harmless teenage craziness.  Okay, she was cranky and a little rude this morning when she woke up. Big deal. I should ground her for not being a morning person? Uhh..no.

  So my question is:

Are you an advocate of strict, strict when needed, or lenient parenting? Why?

Is your parenting style a result of your parent's style?


by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 2:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Jan. 30, 2013 at 2:12 PM
I was middle of the road. So were my parents. My girls are great at 19 and 21 now.
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sahlady
by Gold Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 2:18 PM
5 moms liked this

not sure what you would call it.... we have clear expectations, we have high expectations but not unattainable, we punish when the rules have been deliberately broken.  we never make idle threats and follow through on punishments.

is that strict?  we expect what we expect and you will get in trouble for not doing what is expected.

is it strict when needed?  we dont punish for the hell of it, and we are willing to discuss things if the kids feel they have a valid comment regarding a rule, they just need to express themselves well and politely.

are we lenient?  we understand that kids make mistakes and dont hold grudges, dont bring up past mistakes, and are willing to change a rule if the child presents a well thought out argument.

I guess I say yes: we are strict, strict when needed, and sometimes lenient.

gonecrazi
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 2:30 PM

 I was raised in a very strict Southern Baptist home. I was my parents rebellious child.As a result I've been one of those parents that lets the punishment fit the crime. I guess I'm a bit more lenient than my parents.. 

 

amonkeymom
by Amy on Jan. 30, 2013 at 2:49 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you need to come up with a happy medium and recognize that what works with one child will not always worth with another.  Does your daughter focus better when she has strict discipline or does she do better when left more to her own devices?

Quoting LuckyMom822:

  My parents were ridiculously strict and I rebelled. I never did anything really stupid like sex and drugs but I rebelled in other ways. If I was grounded, I would jump out my bedroom window and hang out with my friends anyway. If  they didn't like my B, then by God they were going to love that C I was deliberately going to get on my next report card. I was stubborn and spiteful and I gave my parents a run for their money. Eventually, things got so heated, we just couldn't live together anymore. I moved out and moved in with a family friend. She had already raised two teeangers and knew exactly what to do. She left me alone! She praised my good behavior, gave me disapproving looks when I got mouthy. She never said one harsh word to me. The punishment always fit the crime and I knew that I was punished with love. I never got in any trouble again.

  So now I have my own teenager to raise and I am faced with this issue. Which route should I take? Strict, strict when needed, or lenient parenting? When she was younger, I chose strict when needed parenting.  But now that she is a teenager, I get heat from other parents who say I need to lay down the law when she does something that I think is harmless teenage craziness.  Okay, she was cranky and a little rude this morning when she woke up. Big deal. I should ground her for not being a morning person? Uhh..no.

  So my question is:

Are you an advocate of strict, strict when needed, or lenient parenting? Why?

Is your parenting style a result of your parent's style?



movieq
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 3:03 PM

My mother was very lenient and I have followed the same way.  My boys know they can tell me anything and I won't go off the deep end - we will discuss the situation and what needs to happen from that point. 

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Jan. 30, 2013 at 3:09 PM
2 moms liked this

Our parenting style is certainly different from our parents'.    DH was raised in a super religious home....he rebelled, Big Time.        I was raised semi strict.   My Mom was overprotective, but my Dad played middleman a lot.

We are in the middle.   We listen to our kids and punishments fit the crimes.....but we have been very lucky.  Our sons have never given us much cause for concern.   They talk to us, they do well in school, they meet all expectations without complaint and they are respectful.

Our youngest son has pushed the envelope, but not until he turned 18.  


I am an advocate of strict when needed.    Expectations should be clear and precise.  Mean what you say and only say what you mean.  Choose your battles.  




luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 3:32 PM

I am pretty lenient, but that doesn't mean I don't have expectations. My kids know my hills to die on, they know them from a very young age and they know that I will not be nice when those rules are broken. Don't break the rules and you can have smooth sailing teen years.

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Jan. 30, 2013 at 3:40 PM

Hubby and I are two differnt people when it comes to parenting.  Opposites in fact. We've tried all sorts of things but usually the strict when needed works. 

mumsy2three
by Shauna on Jan. 30, 2013 at 3:56 PM

I am somewhere in between. I am the strict one when compared to my husband.

02nana07
by Ida on Jan. 30, 2013 at 4:59 PM
1 mom liked this

  we never make idle threats and follow through on punishments.

They know the rules and what will happen if they break them

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