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16 year old daughters

Posted by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 5:11 PM
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Does anyone have the answer as to how to get points across to teenagers? My daughter constantly hurts me ignoring a heartfelt letter I gave her for a confirmation retreat and not showing concern when I had surgery? I'm not asking for much I don't think but I fon't let her have her phone after 9pm and I am the monster. Shes glued to it 24/7 if I don't do that. I e en drive her to school to stay connected but her head is in the phone then too !! Any thoughts???
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by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 5:11 PM
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mowm20
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 5:36 PM
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I can share what has worked with my 16 year old daughter. 

She had a false sense of entitlement and felt that she should be told yes to everything she asks for. She became very defiant and just plain rude any time she was told no. She half way did her chores, and sat around watching tv while I did all of the cooking, cleaning and laundry one Saturday while I was sick with the flu and that sent me over the edge! We let her know that we felt very unappreciated and that she took things we did for her for granted. We let her know that if she did not plan to show appreciation we would no longer be giving her money for movies, snacks at school, or taking her anywhere other than school. When we stuck to our word, after the 3rd time, she learned we meant it. When she started throwing a fit, we told her to go to her room (and to leave all electronics with us for the rest of the day). 

Sticking to my punishment is hard so I have learned never to promise more that I know I can follow through with. 


Good luck! This too shall pass!

15sunshine
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:15 PM
Thanks for that I basically take things away like you and it's good for a while but we end up at square one again. You are right when you say they feel entitled and too many other parents make it hard for the ones with some boundaries the hardest thing we have to do is parent. Thanks I'll keep on doing as I am and appreciate your input it just confirms I am not a tyrant just trying to survive. πŸ˜ƒ
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02nana07
by Ida on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:49 PM
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 Take the phone if she is that addicted and set 1 day a week you do something together no phone allowed you can let her choose what you do.

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Jan. 30, 2013 at 10:07 PM

I sure don't have the answer!    My sons are constantly on their phones, too.    I did not allow the phones at the dinner table (They ate fast), then I got a brilliant idea!   I learned to text!   I now text them... a lot.     Perhaps you can make the drive to school a "no phone zone"?

Regarding your DD's lack of concern for your surgery......  her feeling may run deeper than you suspect.  She may have been trying to deal with her own emotions about your health.  When scared, teens tend to withdraw.    I went through it with mine a couple years back.       I was scheduled for a major surgery in August.   My 15 yr old became a hellion that summer!   All he did was pick fights with me, it was as if I didn't even know him.    Our extremely close relationship just deteriorated so much that my son actually went to stay with my parents for a few days before my surgery, so I wasn't so stressed.    Yet, he insisted that my Dad drive him to the hospital the day of my surgery...and he was right there with me the whole time.   He was my caretaker during my recovery, too.       He was just afraid that something would happen to me and he didn't know how to deal with it.




bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Jan. 31, 2013 at 2:58 AM
Sounds like great advice

Quoting 02nana07:

 Take the phone if she is that addicted and set 1 day a week you do something together no phone allowed you can let her choose what you do.

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15sunshine
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 7:20 AM
All of your Advice is awesome I especially like the no phone zone on the car rides its good amunition because right now shes taking the bus until i cool down thats torture but tough love stinks for a mom πŸ˜’and the one day a week doing something together great idea too. We already don't allow the phone at the table and doing homework that works cuz shes an honor student. Times have changed so much and yes I'm sure she was scared about my surgery. You all are great thanks so much
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