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12 year old "thinks shes lesbian" I'm stumped!

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:25 PM
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So, let me start by saying that I am totally and completely open to ANYONE, including my own children, being Bi, Lesbian, Gay. What ever makes them happy is what makes me and their Dad happy, BUT they better treat our babies like they deserve to be treated or else! So, my reason for being stumped..... I am wondering what else I should do, say or ask other then my immediate response that it's OK and that she will NEVER be shunned from our family or made to be a freak. We have a large, open family. So far no one has come out to say they are gay, but we are all open to it, even the older generation. I don't want to say or do the wrong thing and possibly make her feel less confident then she already feels. But I don't know, like how do you bring upto a 12 year old.... "so, you still think you're a lesbian?" Like how the HECK do I re-start the conversation.  I thought about offering counseling again.... she was in it for years as a youngster because her BIRTH(let me re-fraise that "Egg Donnor) has been in and out of her life since she was 2. She no longer wants anything to do with the "Donnor" because of all that she's been though, which has been enough to send some 12 year olds into downward spirals or drug/alcohol abuse. But she's been so open and honest about her feelings with all of that, and has found her feelings and seen through all the BS to the truth. She's so strong sometimes and it killed me to hear her be so worried that being interested in girls would make us think she's a freak! So... any takers on how I should handle the situation? Do I let her start the topic again or should I find a way someway to bring it up?

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Buggy979
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:28 PM
Why would you care? You said you would accept her or your kids. I say you should just find peace in whatever she wants and grow with her and wait it out...
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crazymomma79
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:33 PM

I think I am concerned because she seemed confused.  And I don't want her to think that my not talking to her about it means that I do think she's in her own words "a freak".  And I don't want her to feel alone either I guess. 

FindersKeepers
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:39 PM
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Would you believe a 12yo that told you she liked boys?

Of course you would... middle school is when puppy love crushes start.... so if she was straight and telling you about a boy she liked... you would think nothing of it and give her advice.

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:42 PM
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Let her know how open and accepting you are to ALL types of families, ect. She's only 12, it's normal to be confused. Let her come to you when she's ready
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terpmama
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:48 PM
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Maybe take her out to dinner and gossip about the cute girls, like you would if she was into boys. 

MamaSnaps
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:21 AM
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My daughter is bi-although I think she's more lesbian than bi-sexual. She's now 17 and has a girlfriend she's been dating for about 7 months now.
We just support her. The end. Maybe we should re-address it over and over, but we don't. She is comfortable with us and can talk about anything and if she feels she needs to she will. We check on how she's doing in general... How are you and Chels? How's things in school? Any problems because you have a GF? She's well respected and accepted for who she is, so it's been easy on her, but it can be very hard-just like anything else in the teen years. Keep your eyes open for that kind of difficulty.

Your SD is really young to make it a LIFE DECISION. So is mine, for that matter. We look at it as a 'for now' decision and just support her. Make sure you tell her often that she is the same person no matter who she likes today and you love her for the PERSON she is, not because she has to be the perfect picture of anything.

We do protect her from some of the older generation. My MIL is not against it, but she's very vocal about them not being seen even touching like friends would in public. She's fine with the choice-or so she says, but in reality? She's not. We have talked a LOT with our DD about how her grandmother is of an older generation that is older than most grandmothers of kids her age and because of that she just doesn't understand. We've compared the fact that our DD can't understand why grandma is such a stick in the mud-grandma can't understand her choices. I often use the analogy of explaining sight to a person who is blind. You can use every other sense, but they will never actually know the sense of sight until they actually experience it.

Be on the look out for little things that you can use for conversation. If she checks out another girl and gets the cold shoulder-talk about it later. If she seems to connect with a girl-chat about it and encourage her. If she checks out a guy... you get the idea.

MamaSnaps
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:27 AM
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I do want to add something-you need to think about the sexual harassment conversation somewhere in here. If someone cries sexual harassment in school and there is or is NOT any harassment it has HUGE consequences that are immediate before any investigation even begins. The person who the complaint is made against is immediately removed from the general population while the investigation goes on. In the school system they are more guilty until proven innocent. It can have HUGE ramifications and kids like our daughters aren't necessarily a target, but they are at a higher risk for those spiteful attacks that teenage girls will put on just for their own pleasure. She needs to be aware of boundaries even more than a straight kid.
Kids don't nead a real reason to hurt each other and because her sexual orientation is different that just plain opens her up to attacks. Because it is sexual orientation... sexual harassment.

02nana07
by Ida on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:40 AM

 This is good advice

Quoting FindersKeepers:

Would you believe a 12yo that told you she liked boys?

Of course you would... middle school is when puppy love crushes start.... so if she was straight and telling you about a boy she liked... you would think nothing of it and give her advice.

 

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:42 AM

I say if you have already told her that you love and support her no matter what then leave it at that.  Treat her the same way you did before she told you this.  If you have established open lines of communication with her then whe will come to you is she has any problems or concerns

Teletubby836
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 6:21 PM

My daughter is now 14 yrs old. At 12 she said told me she was interested in girls as well as boys. I didn't freak and told her I loved her no matter if she were interested in boys or girls. Then the subject of sleepovers came up (some of her middle school friends she had just met, as they went to different elementary schools). I did not know the girls, I didn't know the parents and our rule here is if she goes anywhere I at least speak to a parent on the phone. These parents never called so she never went. Being "bi" as she called it I also told her these girls would not be staying all night nor she with them. Then I told her I wouldn't let a guy stay all night why would I let a girl that I suspect is "bi" sleep in the same room with her?? (if they were going to do anything it wouldn't be happening under MY roof!) I also found out it is not a rare occuarance to see these teen girls holding hands at ballgames and stuff. I'm NOT against it but I'd rather see my daughter smitten for a boy. She now has a "boyfriend" that she has been with for almost a year. She's now a freshman in high school and she doesn't even mention that group of girls anymore. It could be it's just a phase. But when your daughter asks for a sleep over with a friend you don't know that would make a perfect opening to talk about it more with her. 

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