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12 year old "thinks shes lesbian" I'm stumped!

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So, let me start by saying that I am totally and completely open to ANYONE, including my own children, being Bi, Lesbian, Gay. What ever makes them happy is what makes me and their Dad happy, BUT they better treat our babies like they deserve to be treated or else! So, my reason for being stumped..... I am wondering what else I should do, say or ask other then my immediate response that it's OK and that she will NEVER be shunned from our family or made to be a freak. We have a large, open family. So far no one has come out to say they are gay, but we are all open to it, even the older generation. I don't want to say or do the wrong thing and possibly make her feel less confident then she already feels. But I don't know, like how do you bring upto a 12 year old.... "so, you still think you're a lesbian?" Like how the HECK do I re-start the conversation.  I thought about offering counseling again.... she was in it for years as a youngster because her BIRTH(let me re-fraise that "Egg Donnor) has been in and out of her life since she was 2. She no longer wants anything to do with the "Donnor" because of all that she's been though, which has been enough to send some 12 year olds into downward spirals or drug/alcohol abuse. But she's been so open and honest about her feelings with all of that, and has found her feelings and seen through all the BS to the truth. She's so strong sometimes and it killed me to hear her be so worried that being interested in girls would make us think she's a freak! So... any takers on how I should handle the situation? Do I let her start the topic again or should I find a way someway to bring it up?

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:25 PM
Replies (21-25):
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 12:06 AM

 Totally something that went through my head when my daughter confessed. And partly why I initially was so upset about what to do. She is very into being a girly girl right now. Gets up extra early to do her hair and what make up she is aloud. (mineral powder foundation & lip gloss) and always makes sure she looks nice before leaving for school. So, after I realized that it's not something that absolutely all has to be addressed on the first day or week, I feel better and she has talked alittle more about the topic of g/l/b people. But I am watching and listening for the types of comments you said. :)

Quoting fantasticfour:

I would ask her why she thought she was a lesbian.  Look for certain answers, such as no boys like me, I don't like makeup or dresses and such like that.  Those are signs of low self esteem and her feeling that she must be a lesbian because she doesn't measure up to society's version of straight.  If it's because Susie is really cute and I would like to kiss her, then that's completely differnet.


by Silver Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 4:11 AM

regardless of sexuality I wouldn't let my kids go anywhere if I didn't think they were safe. Nope - don't tell anyone unless she asks you to :) my mum told EVERYONE when my sister came out to "protect" everyone...Yeah. Really failed

Quoting crazymomma79:

 that's a good idea. I hadn't even thought about the sleep overs until i just read some of the posts. But I think you are right. I won't be letting her go to places  don't know or approve of as usual, but the places I do think she's safe, will still be allowed. And I'm not going to call her best friends mom to tell her about the recent confession, especally when my Daughter wasn't to comfortable with telling Dad. She was better when he said that he was fine with what ever her choices are, so long as she's happy and doesn't get into trouble, he will always support her.

Quoting GleekingOut:

Regarding sleepovers. Don't do anything. What can you do? Ring up and demand to know the other girls sexual orientation? Tell the parents your child is gay? Don't stop sleepovers because this will show her that you think she's a predator to all girls. Talk to her about safe sex, STI's, your expectations, and if she confesses a crush then you can talk about boundaries.

by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:35 AM

 This is something that just came up with a therapist I know.  She said it is not uncommon nowadays for teens to question their sexuality because it is talked about nowadays instead of hidden.  She said a lot just don't understand what it is all about so they wonder about it and a lot realize later which sex they really are interested in. 

I know everyone said why would you question them but I feel if you have a close relationship with your child asking questions is ok so they know it is ok to talk about it and ask you questions as well.  If you don't talk about it or ask about it they may think it makes you uncomfortable and that you don't want to discuss it.  If they are questioning it and confused I don't see why it is not ok for a parent to feel the same way.  That is just my take on it for what it's worth.


by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 2:46 AM
First of all I think that it's great that you support her and are open with her. The most important thing is to keep loving her an keep and open dialogue about it. Go to her and tell her she can talk to you or come to you if she has any questions. Also take into account that she is 12. So have the same rules and expectations of her as if he were to like boys. As for me that is still too early to date but when it's time for her make sure she is aware of the "dating rules". Also be proud that she has come to you with this valuable information. Many children keep it to themselves or try to go by societies expectations and that changes the way they develop as well as their self esteem. Don't push her just love her and allow her to come to you.
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by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 9:55 PM
honestly, i would let her bring it up, when she does, just ask her if shes met any nice girls, and tell her that she has to know that you and everyone in the family is totally ok with it
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