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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Appropriate Consequences

Posted by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 8:46 AM
  • 40 Replies

OK, got to the nitty gritty last night.  My son had also stolen my laptop and my external hard drive.

I found the laptop last night in his room.  I don't use it often so it went unnoticed.  I got it back and looked at it and it is no longer in working order.  He had told his friend, "A" that he had stolen it, A got excited and wanted to see he so he took it to school.  He then got nervous and A took it home because my son didn't want to get caught with it.  He got the laptop back  the day before I found it.  The external hard drive was tampered with and is no longer in working order.  Apparently my son wasn't bright enough to get the power cord to it and A tried to figure out why it wouldn't turn on by taking it apart.

Because my son stole it, and A knew it was stolen and they both tamperred with it to the point of destroying it, I believe they are both at fault for this matter.  "A" is claiming innocence.  My son was devistated that his friend was going to get into trouble for it and he would "lose" his best friend over this matter but maintained that he was aware it was stolen.

I do not want to go to the police and file charges against both boys (son for theft and destruction and A for possession of stolen property and destruction), but I do want consequences.  I spoke to the asst. principal today because A's parents were there with the external harddrive (I called them last night and informed them he had it and it was stolen), maintaining their son's innocence. 

I do want something done.  I feel that restitution on BOTH boy's parts is the best way to go and to teach them that this is not something that is tolerated.  Criminal record, or suspension, not so much because it's a punishment without a lesson.

What do you think? Too over the top?  I know what I'm going to be doing so I'm not looking for you to tell me I'm right or looking for justification in this matter, just curious on what other parents would do.

Do I believe this boy knew it was stolen, yes I do.  And from what I learned about this boy since yesterday, I have no doubts.  I have met the boy once, and that's it.  I have never met the boy's parents so I have other people telling me of their experiences with this boy.


by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 8:46 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 8:49 AM

Well As parents know and are choosing not to hold him accountable. If you want him punished I think your only option is going to the police.

atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 1, 2013 at 8:50 AM
1 mom liked this
I would go to the police. If you don't wanna do that I say grounding from everything for like 2 months or more. That is major trouble. If you don't get him in check he is gonna be in jail.
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fammatthews4
by Trisha on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:08 AM

I agree with your reasons for not wanting to go to the police.  However if my son was in the same exact place as your son (grounded from everything for other reasons) I think I would go to the police.  I would hope that it would be a wake up call.  I do think they need to make restitution as well

gabyangy
by Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:18 AM
1 mom liked this

First of all I would find out why in the hell did your son need to steal your laptop.  Than I would take the door from his room and take everything out of his room and just leave the mattress on the floor. If he has no respect for your property than he should have nothing.  No privacy, no nice furniture, no tv, no phone until he pays you back for the laptop.  As for the other kid if it wasn't for your son stealing he would have no part in this especially since the parents are backing him up and don't believe he knew it was stolen.  And by the way why would you believe your son who is a thief.  I wouldn't believe anything he would say to me.  Good luck I hope your son learns a valuable lesson. 

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:18 AM

What you want and what will happen are two very different things. Unless A's parents decide to no believe him you have a he said, he said situtation. The only way that will be resolved is with police involvment. The school can only do so much and while I understand that it was brought into the school, the fact is it was stolen outside of school, and wasn't even on school property when the original theft happened. That would make the schools hands tied also.

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:37 AM
Just got back from the school. I first spoke to the asst. principal who seemed at least interested in helping. I came back to see the resource officer there and was really surprised at the reaction from him. Not helpful at all. He was not even willing to speak to the boys! I was told "you can either be a parent out charge your son with a felony. I've already spoken to the other boys parents and there is nothing to be done there." I was like seriously? So I went to guidance and am having my son moved away from the boy in class and apparently no one knew they go to the choir room in the mornings so they are locking those doors now. As for why he did it, because him and his friend thought it would be a great idea. they wanted it.
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atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:56 AM
3 moms liked this
You sound like you wanna blame everyone, but your son. You are not doing your son any favors. Be a parent.


Quoting fantasticfour:

Just got back from the school. I first spoke to the asst. principal who seemed at least interested in helping. I came back to see the resource officer there and was really surprised at the reaction from him. Not helpful at all. He was not even willing to speak to the boys! I was told "you can either be a parent out charge your son with a felony. I've already spoken to the other boys parents and there is nothing to be done there." I was like seriously? So I went to guidance and am having my son moved away from the boy in class and apparently no one knew they go to the choir room in the mornings so they are locking those doors now. As for why he did it, because him and his friend thought it would be a great idea. they wanted it.

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Zamaria
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 10:58 AM
3 moms liked this
You can't really give the other kid consequences unless you press charges. If I were in your shoes, I would focus on my child's part in it and pretty much ignore the other kid, since his parents aren't cooperating. My kid would be doing a crap ton of extra chores to pay for repair or replacement of the laptop. He would lose all privacy privileges (except for bathroom obviously) and any other privileges, lose all items that weren't absolute necessities and would earn back one item for each day of good behavior, and I would choose what he earned back each day, starting with extra clothing, and he would be grounded until the laptop was paid for. He would also not be allowed to have anything to do with the other kid, since he was willing to receive stolen property and probably isn't a good influence.
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nsparky1964
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:43 AM
He stole from his family, your ds bff stole from you...what is so hard to understand on punishment..stealing is stealing..go to the cops, nip it now, or your going to find more things disappearing...
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Roo1234
by Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:18 PM

I think you need to focus on your son.  It really doesn't matter if his friend knew it was stolen or not. You can't change other families, but you can make sure that your son learns from his mistakes.   Your son is responsible for his actions and all that occurred afterwards.  His actions caused this mess and his actions are the ones you need to focus on.

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