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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

OK, got to the nitty gritty last night.  My son had also stolen my laptop and my external hard drive.

I found the laptop last night in his room.  I don't use it often so it went unnoticed.  I got it back and looked at it and it is no longer in working order.  He had told his friend, "A" that he had stolen it, A got excited and wanted to see he so he took it to school.  He then got nervous and A took it home because my son didn't want to get caught with it.  He got the laptop back  the day before I found it.  The external hard drive was tampered with and is no longer in working order.  Apparently my son wasn't bright enough to get the power cord to it and A tried to figure out why it wouldn't turn on by taking it apart.

Because my son stole it, and A knew it was stolen and they both tamperred with it to the point of destroying it, I believe they are both at fault for this matter.  "A" is claiming innocence.  My son was devistated that his friend was going to get into trouble for it and he would "lose" his best friend over this matter but maintained that he was aware it was stolen.

I do not want to go to the police and file charges against both boys (son for theft and destruction and A for possession of stolen property and destruction), but I do want consequences.  I spoke to the asst. principal today because A's parents were there with the external harddrive (I called them last night and informed them he had it and it was stolen), maintaining their son's innocence. 

I do want something done.  I feel that restitution on BOTH boy's parts is the best way to go and to teach them that this is not something that is tolerated.  Criminal record, or suspension, not so much because it's a punishment without a lesson.

What do you think? Too over the top?  I know what I'm going to be doing so I'm not looking for you to tell me I'm right or looking for justification in this matter, just curious on what other parents would do.

Do I believe this boy knew it was stolen, yes I do.  And from what I learned about this boy since yesterday, I have no doubts.  I have met the boy once, and that's it.  I have never met the boy's parents so I have other people telling me of their experiences with this boy.


by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 8:46 AM
Replies (31-40):
fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Feb. 2, 2013 at 10:23 AM


Quoting bizzeemom2717:

 

Quoting MamaSnaps:

I am also kind of shocked at the reaction of the officer in the school. I'd make sure to mention it to the principal and superintendent. The purpose of that officer is to kind of give them a "scared straight" experience.

As for "parenting" your child or wanting to place the blame anywhere but on your son?
I must be developing a bit of a reading comprehension problem or something. I THOUGHT you made it pretty clear that you knew your kid was gulity and that you felt that BOTH kids-not just the friend-needed to have consequences. Did I read that wrong? Is that not what this says?

Quote:

I feel that restitution on BOTH boy's parts is the best way to go and to teach them that this is not something that is tolerated.

 I was shocked by the reaction of the school cop too, you would hope as a 'school" cop he would at least really want to take on a helping role, honestly, I would want my kid really scared or at least talked to straight.....I think you did the right thing going to him and asking for guidence, he sounds like a lazy jerk, sorry. As far as the rest, I just don't know, I think you handled it well, I would have talked to the school, talked to the other parents, hoped the other parents did something and do everything I could to keep my son the hell away from that kid. Also like pp's mentioned all priv would be gone, all privacy gone, door, ect. Good luck and hang in there, I'm sure you are very hurt, hope you have support from family and friends, hugs!

Well I called the local police here and asked if there was anyone around to come over at their leisure to speak to my son about the dangers of stealing.  They asked how old he was and I said 16.  They said they were sending someone over.

As far as family and friends for support, well family on dad's side doesn't know and my side is only my mom and she's got such a low opinion of him right now she's no help.

Ewa101
by Bronze Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 10:24 AM

How old is your son?  Can he work to pay you back (buy you) a new laptop?  That would for me be enough of the restitution as far as my son is involved.

Question is what to do with the other boy?  Do you want punishment, or a lesson?  If you want punishment, then if the parents claim his innocence, than the police would be the only option.  But then your son would also have to be involved.  If you want a lesson, talk to the parents calmly now, and tell them how you are dealing with your son.  They might still claim their son's innocence in front of you, but then deal with him in the privacy of their home.  Another question is, do you want your son to remain friends with this boy?  


fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Feb. 2, 2013 at 10:25 AM

The police are coming today for this and hopefully something good comes out of it.  Not having him arrested but spoken to maybe? not sure what to expect.

He's going to replace the computer.  He has no job but has 50 bucks so far from his grandmother for christmas.  He was going to use it towards drivers ed.  Not anymore.

He has a permit but doesn't drive.  The permit is in MY wallet so he can't even drive when he's not at home LEGALLY.


Quoting tyfry7496:

Other than calling the police and pressing charges there is not much you can do to the friend. As for your son, call the police and let them take him through the booking process so he gets a taste of where he is headed if he doesn't change his was.

He would also be working to replace the computer and external hard drive. He'd be grounded from everything not connected with school for at least 3 months or until he pays restitution, which ever is longer. He wouldn't get a license either. If he had one, I would go to the DMV and revoke parental sponsorship.

I do not mess around when it comes to illegal activities and my son is very well aware of it. I have no problem having my son arrested.


fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Feb. 2, 2013 at 10:27 AM

That's another thing I was worried of.  Glad you grew up with you had your kid, most people don't even when they are well in their twenties.

Quoting lakerfan420:

I'm not sure if I'd involve the cops or not. That could backfire and he might have it better in juvie than he currently does at home (access to tv, recreational activities, kicking it with other kids his age who you probably wouldn't want him hanging around with anyways). Plus if he in any way thinks he's a bad ass, having him locked up will only give him more street cred. I was 11 when I got caught shoplifting at Disneyland and they had me arrested. I spent 4 days in juvie and had to pay fines. I thought I was so cool when I got out. Cool enough to get arrested again at 15 and spend another 30 days locked up. Luckily for me I got my shit together a couple yrs later when I had my first child at 17. If I hadn't been forced to grow up when I got pregnant, there's no telling where I'd be today.


fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Feb. 2, 2013 at 10:29 AM

I wanted a lesson.  It's not up to me to punish the other boy.  And punishment only works if there is a lesson!  That's why I wanted the cop to talk to both of them.  And no I want that kid no where near mine.  A kid who thinks mine is cool for stealing, and wants the stolen stuff is NOT someone I want mine hanging out with.  The other kids he hangs out with would have told him he was an idiot and had him give it back or told on him.

ETA he's 16

Quoting Ewa101:

How old is your son?  Can he work to pay you back (buy you) a new laptop?  That would for me be enough of the restitution as far as my son is involved.

Question is what to do with the other boy?  Do you want punishment, or a lesson?  If you want punishment, then if the parents claim his innocence, than the police would be the only option.  But then your son would also have to be involved.  If you want a lesson, talk to the parents calmly now, and tell them how you are dealing with your son.  They might still claim their son's innocence in front of you, but then deal with him in the privacy of their home.  Another question is, do you want your son to remain friends with this boy?  



drfink
by Emily on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:57 PM

 Good glad a officer is coming to talk to your son.I agree with not being in juvenile detention ,it isn't a cake walk but the kids there are much worse than your son.I will say a tour of the detention center is pretty worrisome.TINY Closet sized rooms ,no privacy ever including toilets and teachers find it easy to teach there.The classroom has armed correctional officers in each classroom so maybe a visit might be in order if possible.When I was a volunteer juvenile prob .officer they conducted group tours when the residents were outside for exercise.They couldn't be in the facility during tours due to privacy laws and minors.

LuckyMom822
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:02 PM



Quoting gabyangy:

First of all I would find out why in the hell did your son need to steal your laptop.  Than I would take the door from his room and take everything out of his room and just leave the mattress on the floor. If he has no respect for your property than he should have nothing.  No privacy, no nice furniture, no tv, no phone until he pays you back for the laptop.  As for the other kid if it wasn't for your son stealing he would have no part in this especially since the parents are backing him up and don't believe he knew it was stolen.  And by the way why would you believe your son who is a thief.  I wouldn't believe anything he would say to me.  Good luck I hope your son learns a valuable lesson. 


exactly! the other kid didn't steal it from you. your son did. he would work his butt off topay me back for my items and he wouldn't have anything in his room to enjoy. that would be like a jail wwithout the felony to follow him for the rest of his life. 

tyfry7496
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 2:41 PM
Good for you! I hope he learns. Feel free to message me anytime to talk.

Quoting fantasticfour:

The police are coming today for this and hopefully something good comes out of it.  Not having him arrested but spoken to maybe? not sure what to expect.

He's going to replace the computer.  He has no job but has 50 bucks so far from his grandmother for christmas.  He was going to use it towards drivers ed.  Not anymore.

He has a permit but doesn't drive.  The permit is in MY wallet so he can't even drive when he's not at home LEGALLY.


Quoting tyfry7496:

Other than calling the police and pressing charges there is not much you can do to the friend. As for your son, call the police and let them take him through the booking process so he gets a taste of where he is headed if he doesn't change his was.



He would also be working to replace the computer and external hard drive. He'd be grounded from everything not connected with school for at least 3 months or until he pays restitution, which ever is longer. He wouldn't get a license either. If he had one, I would go to the DMV and revoke parental sponsorship.



I do not mess around when it comes to illegal activities and my son is very well aware of it. I have no problem having my son arrested.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Feb. 2, 2013 at 10:46 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting LuckyMom822:



Quoting gabyangy:

First of all I would find out why in the hell did your son need to steal your laptop.  Than I would take the door from his room and take everything out of his room and just leave the mattress on the floor. If he has no respect for your property than he should have nothing.  No privacy, no nice furniture, no tv, no phone until he pays you back for the laptop.  As for the other kid if it wasn't for your son stealing he would have no part in this especially since the parents are backing him up and don't believe he knew it was stolen.  And by the way why would you believe your son who is a thief.  I wouldn't believe anything he would say to me.  Good luck I hope your son learns a valuable lesson. 


exactly! the other kid didn't steal it from you. your son did. he would work his butt off topay me back for my items and he wouldn't have anything in his room to enjoy. that would be like a jail wwithout the felony to follow him for the rest of his life. 

I have had an officer come to the house to speak to him, and he already didn't have anything in his room to enjoy except the things he took.  I understand the other kid didn't steal it, my son did.

LuckyMom822
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 1:28 PM


Quoting fantasticfour:


Quoting LuckyMom822:



Quoting gabyangy:

First of all I would find out why in the hell did your son need to steal your laptop.  Than I would take the door from his room and take everything out of his room and just leave the mattress on the floor. If he has no respect for your property than he should have nothing.  No privacy, no nice furniture, no tv, no phone until he pays you back for the laptop.  As for the other kid if it wasn't for your son stealing he would have no part in this especially since the parents are backing him up and don't believe he knew it was stolen.  And by the way why would you believe your son who is a thief.  I wouldn't believe anything he would say to me.  Good luck I hope your son learns a valuable lesson. 


exactly! the other kid didn't steal it from you. your son did. he would work his butt off topay me back for my items and he wouldn't have anything in his room to enjoy. that would be like a jail wwithout the felony to follow him for the rest of his life. 

I have had an officer come to the house to speak to him, and he already didn't have anything in his room to enjoy except the things he took.  I understand the other kid didn't steal it, my son did.

It sounds to me that you did the best thing you could do. I hate to see a kid go to jail for a mistake. Especially a felony. Good luck mom! Hopefully the officer helped him see the light.

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