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13 yr old DD and privacy/room

Posted by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:29 PM
  • 43 Replies

ok, we've all been this age, tho these days 13 is the new 16 it seems. What are your views on going into thier rooms? I go in there, to search for things of mine she borrows and soemtimes I tidy a bit, clearing out the empty bottles for recycling, opening her window on nice days,leaving mail or little things I ight get her at the my eyes, I have the right to go in IS my house and she is still 13.  she got irked at me yesterday for going in there and "moving her stuff" (I moved the stuff on the bed cuz the dog came in and jumped up on the bed so I moved it to the side). I had also hung up in my hallway a cool piece of artwork she had on her bed, which she adamantly took down because "she didnt like it"...(wth? she never used to mind that before!)

 Any advice? input?


by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:29 PM
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by Susie on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:36 PM
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Until she pays rent or moves, you can go in her room. Set her straight now or at 15 or 16 you are in for some real trouble if she wants to be the boss.
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by Bronze Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:59 PM
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I agree with atlmom2.  You pay the bills so it is ALL your house.  That being said I have two teen girls.  One is 15 the other is 13.  If they are in their rooms with or without the door shut I always knock.  I do not go through their things (unless they gave me reason to be concerned but haven't had that happen thus far).  I will go in their room to retrieve borrowed items or get their hamper or for whatever reason.  My girls have yet to complain lol.  But then again they have been told that when they pay my mortage payments they get to make the rules.  As long as you are not barging in on her without knocking or going through all her things she really needs to chill.  Some of it is simply "teen-tude."  Don't put up with any attitude but also do try to give her her space too.  Also, let her know if she is responsible and returns borrowed items and keeps her stuff picked up then you would have no reason to be in there ;)

by Barbara on Feb. 1, 2013 at 1:03 PM

I go in my son's room, and he's 13. He's responsible for straightening up his old room, and so I don't move stuff around in there. But if I'm looking for something, I go in there and he knows it.

So it's not off limits, but I'm going to pick up or straighten up his room.

by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 1:12 PM
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It's my house, I pay the mortgage, I pay the bills.  Until she can pay rent, I can go in that room any time I please.  If SD is not home, I go in any time I want to pick up trash or put away clothes or look for something she borrowed, etc.  I do check, especially in the summer, to make sure wet stuff like towels and bathing suits are picked up because I HATE that moldy smell when they are left on the bed or on the floor. If she's home, I knock before entering. 

by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 2:01 PM
Dad stays out pretty much(do to being girls) but me not so much! My house my rules. I don't snoop but I WILL go in to collect my things.
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 2:03 PM
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My theory is they can have their privacy when they move out of my house.
by Bronze Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 2:33 PM

 I go in her room but I don't go looking through her drawers unless I have a reason to. I think it is only out of the same respect you would want from your child.

Maybe she didn't like it because you didn't ask her if she wouldn't mind you proudly hanging her art work.

by Trisha on Feb. 1, 2013 at 3:07 PM

I will go in their rooms to get dirty laundry, drop off clean laundry etc., but not to snoop.  Now if I felt a reason to snoop I would.

by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 3:37 PM
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Untill they are adults, paying toward the food & house, and making enough money to be self supporting--at which point I consider them "renting"-- I have every right to go in their rooms.  I would knock first for an older teen, but that's it.  And IMHO, a kid who complains THAT much, is hiding something. 

by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 3:52 PM

My son is 15, and he doesn't really care at all about privacy.  He never even shuts the door unless he has friends over, and then I knock before entering.  He keeps his room clean (wish I could say the same about our 8yo!), so I don't go in there too often, but he knows it's our house - our rules.  We can check anywhere we ever feel the need to.  I've gone through his drawers before looking for my clothes that I thought maybe my husband put in the wrong place, and my son didn't mind at all.  We also have all of his passwords to his online accounts, and he has no problem with that.  I think it's just what he's used to.  

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