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Where do we go from here?

Posted by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 10:43 AM
  • 8 Replies
SD15 is going through some major problems right now. She lived with her mom from 2 to 11 and was in a house with abuse, mental illness, and neglect. We have had custody for almost five years and have tried to help her work through her issues. She has extensive therapy in place and is receiving nearly every support available.



She was put in an inpatient program in late November for threatening suicide. My husband removed her after three weeks because they were not dealing with any real issues - they would talk in family sessions about how walking the dog was too overwhelming, for example. She exagerrated the extent of her morning chores for sympathy - all she does is take the dog for a five minute walk. Since returning, her behavior has rapidly gone from bad to worse. She is sexting with multiple boys, chatting with strangers on the internet and givijng personal information, threatening to harm herself, took what she thought were a handful of sleeping pills (they were a harmless supplement), snuck her boyfriend into the house for oral sex, planned to sneak him in again to lose her virginity - it goes on and on. Everything is done with incredible amounts of rage and hostility. We are concerned that she may harm our toddler or infant since she does not view them as anything connected to her. A few incudents have happenned around the babies that we did not witness, but she is the only possible culprit.



At her family sesion this week, she vocalized that she never wants to live her again. To help make that happen, so made up stories of abuse and had us reported to Children & Youth. Obviously, it was determined to be unfounded. Actually, C & Y wants to stay involved because they feel SHE is a risk to our family.



My question is how do we go on after this with her in our house? We have four other children whose lives are being destroyed by her antics. We know the stunts will just get bigger and bigger. How do we deal with this? If she is unwilling to face her past and resolve it, how do we live with this person she has become?
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by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 10:43 AM
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Replies (1-8):
atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:07 AM
I know a family that sent their dd away. They tried everything and nothing worked for years and years and years. I would never allow her around your other children. She is an adult that still can't and never will function in society. They talk to her some, but don't see her.
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sabrtooth1
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:44 AM
1 mom liked this

Your SD has severe psychaitric illness.  She probably has PTSD for a start, maybe Borderline personality disorder, and maybe Reactive Attachment Disorder.  Therapy alone will NOT help, especially if it is RAD.  I'd say get back to the beginning, get a FULL psychiatric and medical workup so you have a correct and complete diagnosis, and then get her on whatever medication they recommend, so that therapy has a chance of working.  The rest of the family NEEDS counseling also.  You & DH need to learn how to parent a severely disturbed child.  The other kids in the family need to learn how to deal with her, and not let her actions influence them.  This will be a long, difficult road to hoe.  Some things are UNtreatable, and you   will need to learn how to just cope.  Good luck.

drfink
by Emily on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:35 PM

 If the first residential treatment was not a fit yall need to look into others.She needs residential treatment with expectations ,accredited academics and an earned positive reinforcement system.She also needs meds and they can adjust and monitor more quickly in house.She was greatly failed by her mother for many years and deserves a chance to be helped.

LuckyMom822
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:33 PM

wow! she is screaming for help. sounds like a victim of mental, physical, and sexual abuse. she is pissed and blames everyone for it.  she needs inpatient treatment and medication ASAP before she hurts herself or others. 

bizzeemom2717
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:52 PM
I agree with this. I would also find one you know you will be able to stick with, find out ahead of time what they will be doing, ect. Good luck

Quoting drfink:

 If the first residential treatment was not a fit yall need to look into others.She needs residential treatment with expectations ,accredited academics and an earned positive reinforcement system.She also needs meds and they can adjust and monitor more quickly in house.She was greatly failed by her mother for many years and deserves a chance to be helped.

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HopesNDreams
by Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 4:58 PM
The one she is in right now is mainly for times of crisis. The academics are a joke. The quality if therapy is based on who is appointed to be your lead therapist.

She is on meds, but refuses to take them half the time. We are hoping that having C&Y involved will help fins a better long term solution.


Quoting drfink:

 If the first residential treatment was not a fit yall need to look into others.She needs residential treatment with expectations ,accredited academics and an earned positive reinforcement system.She also needs meds and they can adjust and monitor more quickly in house.She was greatly failed by her mother for many years and deserves a chance to be helped.

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HopesNDreams
by Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 5:03 PM
Yes! You've defined the situation perfectly!

We have new home based services that were supposed to start, but this crisis has delayed them until she is out.

Honestly, no one wants her to return - at least not the person she has been recently. She needs someone watching her at all times and brings so much stress. I have horrible guilt that I brought this chaos to my children's lives by supporting getting custody of her years ago.


Quoting sabrtooth1:

Your SD has severe psychaitric illness.  She probably has PTSD for a start, maybe Borderline personality disorder, and maybe Reactive Attachment Disorder.  Therapy alone will NOT help, especially if it is RAD.  I'd say get back to the beginning, get a FULL psychiatric and medical workup so you have a correct and complete diagnosis, and then get her on whatever medication they recommend, so that therapy has a chance of working.  The rest of the family NEEDS counseling also.  You & DH need to learn how to parent a severely disturbed child.  The other kids in the family need to learn how to deal with her, and not let her actions influence them.  This will be a long, difficult road to hoe.  Some things are UNtreatable, and you   will need to learn how to just cope.  Good luck.

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luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 6:07 PM

I imagine that is a lot to deal with...I grew up with an out of control sister also. Although I was older then her, and she really didn;t get the help she needed until the state stepped in. Hopefully they will have some better suggestions for you.

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