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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Am I helping or hurting my child?

Posted by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 10:41 PM
  • 118 Replies

Background: My dd's school called last week. She has 5 F's! She has never had an f in her life. Turns out she has been texting and skypeing friends instead of doing homework. I don't get mad often but I got hot about that. She has lost her phone, iPad, iPod, and tv. She is also grounded. She must bring all grades up to a B before she gets her privileges back. This weekend was important because she had to make up all the homework she missed as well as do a research paper.


My issues:

DD did very little homework at her dads this weekend even though she had strict instructions to do so.

Exhusband had her from Friday to this morning (Sunday). He didn't stay on her about homework and did not review the work that she was supposedly doing. That really pissed me off!

I have been dealing with this homework and research paper for NINE hours today!! Ex went to his Super Bowl party but I had to miss mine.

Since the school called, I have been helping DD with homework, research paper, and studying for tests. BF and friends are saying I need to leave it to her and stop being so involved. They think I am hurting her and I should let her handle it on her own. 

I feel like I am being taken advantage of!


My question: What would you do in this situation?? 

by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 10:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
queensweet
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 10:53 PM
3 moms liked this
I think you are allowing yourself to be used. Your ex and DD is getting off scotch free while you are at home taking care of something that is not your responsibility. I would let DD ride this out on her own. Those assignments including research paper are her responsibility. The only way she is going to learn is if she fails the quarter. Take it from me whom use to do my son's assignments when he would get lazy because I did not want him to fail. When I stopped doing his assignments maybe two years ago, the damage was already done. Now he doesnt take school seriously and is failing U.S. History.
Barabell
by Barbara on Feb. 3, 2013 at 10:57 PM
7 moms liked this

The assignments are her responsibility. You should be able to monitor her while doing her work or whatever you need to do to make sure she is no longer skyping, but it is HER responsibility to get her work caught up. I will help my son by answering questions or editing for grammar, but otherwise it is his responsibility to do all his work. 

LuckyMom822
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:01 PM


Quoting queensweet:

I think you are allowing yourself to be used. Your ex and DD is getting off scotch free while you are at home taking care of something that is not your responsibility. I would let DD ride this out on her own. Those assignments including research paper are her responsibility. The only way she is going to learn is if she fails the quarter. Take it from me whom use to do my son's assignments when he would get lazy because I did not want him to fail. When I stopped doing his assignments maybe two years ago, the damage was already done. Now he doesnt take school seriously and is failing U.S. History.

that's what I am afraid of! But I'm also scared of her failing. I don't do the work per se but I am supervising it. 

debmom07
by New Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:04 PM
4 moms liked this
Stay on her case
I wish my mom would have.
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LuckyMom822
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:07 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Barabell:

The assignments are her responsibility. You should be able to monitor her while doing her work or whatever you need to do to make sure she is no longer skyping, but it is HER responsibility to get her work caught up. I will help my son by answering questions or editing for grammar, but otherwise it is his responsibility to do all his work. 

I agree completely! what do you do if it is 11:00 at night and she is still doing homework? I jump in and help but she probably is goofing off which is making it take longer. Would you go to bed and leave her to it? Because that is what I want to do but I feel guilty also.

coala
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:09 PM
1 mom liked this

How old is she???  That would dictate how involved I am with homework.  You check the homework in elementary school.  You make sure they did the work in middle school.  You let them fall on their a$$ in high school.  I am a tough love kind of Momma, but that is how I was raised.  Once I hit high school it was ALL on me.  If I had an issue "I" had to handle it myself.  If administration got involved then so did my mom, otherwise your children can't learn to stand on their own two feet.  You also have to let her suffer the consequences of what she has done.

sucker4myloves
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:09 PM
3 moms liked this

Let her get all f's again, mama, and don't give her anything and take away anything she has left. If that doesn't work, see a behavioral therapist.

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LuckyMom822
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:09 PM


Quoting debmom07:

Stay on her case
I wish my mom would have.

Really? What happened if you don't mind me asking?

LuckyMom822
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:21 PM


Quoting coala:

How old is she???  That would dictate how involved I am with homework.  You check the homework in elementary school.  You make sure they did the work in middle school.  You let them fall on their a$$ in high school.  I am a tough love kind of Momma, but that is how I was raised.  Once I hit high school it was ALL on me.  If I had an issue "I" had to handle it myself.  If administration got involved then so did my mom, otherwise your children can't learn to stand on their own two feet.  You also have to let her suffer the consequences of what she has done.

She is 13. 8th grade. I worry about her gpa, her ability to stay in beta club and to play sports. next year she wants to volunteer with the Red Cross. and then my college worries!!! All that is needed on her college app. I stress myself out and then I stress her out. I hope this is a small phase. 

LuckyMom822
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:24 PM


Quoting sucker4myloves:

Let her get all f's again, mama, and don't give her anything and take away anything she has left. If that doesn't work, see a behavioral therapist.

that's what my friends say. she is a good kid, she won't fail, she is taking advantage, she has to do it.

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