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Found birth control pills in 14 yr old book bag

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I have my 14 yr old sister for two years now since our mom pass away n my sister always been boy crazy by the age of 9 n we ( our mom when she was alive n brother n myself ) have spoken to her many times about the birds n the bees we spoken to her about having respect for her self and not to let boys talk her into things she shouldn't do, with that being said it hasn't been easy for her nor I with this new adjustment in the living station n she has been giving problems with school here n there, I went in to her book bag to get something while she was in the shower n found birth control pills I'm freaked about this, I open it n she has been using it, all this behind my back n she must of got it from her school nurse..,, I just don't know what to do next 1. Scream at her because now I think she's been having intercourse n make her throw out the pills or 2. Let her keep it n talk about sex n about the pills as well? But to me if I tell her to stay with the birth control I feel like I'm saying continue having sex n just take the pills n that's what I don't want her to think I'm saying
I'm just so lost in this I have a 7 yr old n 1 yr old I wasn't ready for this now I was ready for all the craziness that comes with raising a teen girl.
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:15 PM
Replies (11-20):
Refurbished
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 9:21 AM

Don't scream at her.  A child who loses a parent at such a young age is going to try to fill that void, and boys are an easy way to try to fill that gap if she is missing the love her mother gave her.  I assume that having sex with boys makes her feel loved and cared for and that's what she's after.

She probably got the pills from the health department.  Many states now have a program that allows any underaged girl with a school ID to receive free birth control pills or a free depo shot.  At least she was smart enough to protect herself and try to prevent pregnancy.  The last thing you want to do is take those pills away from her, because it's unrealistic to think that she's going to stop.  Don't give her opportunities to have sex, and don't condone it, but make sure she takes that pill every day. 

I'd look into counseling for her to try to sort out why she feels she needs to do this so young.

LoveonHollySt
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:28 PM

Do a wake up call.  Is there a friend that you know has a baby that would allow her to care for it?  Have her take care of it all by herself for a weekend from friday afternoon to sunday evening.  while she is doing this keep on eye on her obviously and have her keep a journal.  After she is done have her do reasearch as to the different statistics on the pill.  Then sit her down talk about her journal and her reasearch.  Maybe she just needs to learn first hand instead of you trying to tell her.

kthomasson
by Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:57 PM
1 mom liked this

 

I agree, although my first inclination would be to freak out as well.  However, you need to have an open, honest talk with her about so much more than sex.  It needs to be about the responsibility that comes with it.....such as STD's and babies.  No form of birth control is 100% and pills don't cover STD's.  Many STD's can infect a young girl and their side effects can last a lifetime such as infertility.

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

Talk with her, don't scream, open honest communication a must now. If she is having sex no way would I take away the birth control. She's way too young I agree, I would focus on what got her to the point of having sex with a boy at such a young age, I would also def step up the supervision so that she was supervised by an adult at ALL times so it no longer happens. Just because she started having sex does NOT mean you condone it or have to make it ok, at 14 no way


 

MJP76
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 4:24 PM

I would just talk to her about it. Screaming isn't going to do any good except push her further away.

there are medical reasons for being on BC pills as well, not just to prevent pregnancy. My daughter has been on BC pills for acne, and I with a hysterectomy, with no chance of ever being pregnant again, take the BC pill to control my PMDD.... And are other medical reasons as well for taking it..

CrazyLife1996
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 4:32 PM
It is hard to be mom and sister. It is time to just talk about being as protected as possible if she is going to have sex. Be her sister not her mom especially on this subject. Don't go into mommymode as easy as it can be to do.

Just tell her at least make sure you use condoms and be careful because you don't want anything to happen to her.

Some how you need to reopen the lines of communication between the 2 of you. First is don't tell her what she is doing wrong be. receptive to her. She feels only judgment when she talks to you.

You have hard spot to be in. Just try balance a little more.


Quoting parkslope:

Thank yous ladies for your advice I needed that

Just a few other things I forgot to say she hasn't had a cell phone in about a year ( it got taken away for cutting school) but she does have an iPod n lab top she doesn't go over friends houses only to family house, she won't open up to me she has told me many times, I feel she is looking for love in all the wrong places ( well she thinks it's love) being that our mom pass n she doesn't have a dad in her life, I'm thinking that's the reason n she been cutting school I have punish her n taken many things away from her n she goes to therapy but it seem as if nothing is working

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LuckyMom822
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 6:33 PM

I agree! When did that start happening?? I thought you had to have a prescription. Also, who informs the child that certain medications make the pill completely useless? Who is checking her for std's and pill effectiveness? Not the school nurse.

Quoting fantasticfour:

One reason I don't agree with schools giving birth control out.  I don't have any advice for you, sorry.


boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Feb. 6, 2013 at 7:37 PM


Quoting bizzeemom2717:

Talk with her, don't scream, open honest communication a must now. If she is having sex no way would I take away the birth control. She's way too young I agree, I would focus on what got her to the point of having sex with a boy at such a young age, I would also def step up the supervision so that she was supervised by an adult at ALL times so it no longer happens. Just because she started having sex does NOT mean you condone it or have to make it ok, at 14 no way

I agree.   




fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Feb. 6, 2013 at 9:53 PM
1 mom liked this

Yeah and who handles it when they have an allergic reaction to it, or if it makes them infertile or stuff like that?  That's the parent's job but how are they supposed to know to make sure their kid is ok if they don't even know about it?

Quoting LuckyMom822:

I agree! When did that start happening?? I thought you had to have a prescription. Also, who informs the child that certain medications make the pill completely useless? Who is checking her for std's and pill effectiveness? Not the school nurse.

Quoting fantasticfour:

One reason I don't agree with schools giving birth control out.  I don't have any advice for you, sorry.



drfink
by Emily on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:17 AM

 

Quoting boys2men2soon:


Quoting bizzeemom2717:

Talk with her, don't scream, open honest communication a must now. If she is having sex no way would I take away the birth control. She's way too young I agree, I would focus on what got her to the point of having sex with a boy at such a young age, I would also def step up the supervision so that she was supervised by an adult at ALL times so it no longer happens. Just because she started having sex does NOT mean you condone it or have to make it ok, at 14 no way

I agree.   

 me too plus time to introduce condoms ,b.c. pills don't protect against STDs.

hollydaze1974
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:34 AM
I was going to say that :-) explain that just because she was a virgin doesn't mean he was and b/c does not protect against : and list them one by one, especially the parasite one , tricom...something. That's a gross one. Explain what they can do to her when the boy doesn't even know they have it. At this point, and honest talk ending with a box of condom seems to be all you can do

Quoting 02nana07:

 If she is going to have sex I would rather find pills than a positive pregnancy test.  With that said you need to talk about condoms as the pill won't protect  her against an STD.

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