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Hi, I am a a stay at home mom of a 14 year old daughter and a 17 year old daughter. My issue is my 14 year old. She has extreme anxiety, and in the past year, has anger issues at home. When she gets into a blind rage, usually over nothing major, she hits and punches her father, kicks doors and walls, and throws things, not to mention the horrible names she calls us. I am by far a pushover, always had a good balance of discipline and raised my girls well. She is angry at her father because he has been emotionally absent and unavailable for most of her life. I love my girls, and the thought of her going to a group home will kill me. I have called the police twice already, as I was afraid someone would get hurt in one her rages. They told me the next time I call, that they are taking her with them. I have started therapy with her, so she can deal with her anger. She is in an all girls private school, and has alot of peer pressure from the girls. I want to remove her from there and start fresh next september. She is adamant about staying of course, but I know in the end, this is not her decision. Her grades have always been great, and lately, she is failing 3 subjects. We just found out last week she has mild scoliosis, no treatment necessary. She is in chronic back and neck pain but the doctor says its not relevant to the condition, and its probably stress related. She can barely sit still in class without wiggling in her chair and trying to massage her back. Hard to focus in class. My major concern is the the violent outburts, I fear that this is just the beginning, and shudder to think what she will be like at 16!
Her last outburst was a few days ago, and I have punished her from attending a high school dance this week end. I have also grounded her until March break. She has left me no choice, and according to the therapist, my punishment is still too weak. I am sticking to this, as in the past I do waffle, and let her off the hook. I know that this is an issue. Consequences must be taken for her actions. She kicked and punched her father repeatedly and called him a f***** bas***d.. Totally unacceptable.
I feel like a failure of a mom, I don't understand how this could happen. I am far from perfect, but have always been a loving supportive mom. I lost my mom at 5 years old, so being a mom of 2 girls has really been healing, it was important for me to stay home with them. Sorry for the long email, I wonder if anyone else out there is going through the same issues? Thanks for accepting me into your group!