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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

My daughter's not so secret boyfriend

Posted by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:21 PM
  • 13 Replies

 My daughter has been "friends" with a guy from school, she is only 14 and he is 18. She finally admitted they are "dating" this morning when she found out the next step we are taking for her getting failing grades (this has been an on going process all year). I wish I had been able to see her face when I told her that her step-dad and I already KNEW they were boyfriend and girlfirend.That was followed up with me explaining that it doesn't count as dating when they have never really been on a date except for on school dance at the beginning of the school year. I have to laugh or else I would cry! 

  Her dad knew she was friends with a boy from school name Austin, but didn't realize that he was 18. I find the secrecy part scary, she has been keeping secrets (or so she thinks) all school year. Both her dad and I have always told her to come to us with he truth and punishments will not be as severe and that she could talk to us about anything. Her step-mom and my husband have also told her the same. I don't get why she thinks we will react so badly if she were to just come to us and discuss things. 

    I soooooooo wish dealing with teens was at least a little easier!

by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:26 PM
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14 is too young, and 18 is too old. Yes, the secrecy is very scary. Is she on BC?
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MamaLoriLee
by Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:42 PM
There are probably things you don't know about the relationship. In my state that is considered statutory rape.
Tisha1115
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:46 PM

No we haven't had her start taking BC...really there is no opportunity and if they would have sex then her dad and I would not hesitate to ruin the boys life. The rule in our homes is no dating and no boyfriend until she is 16 and she has a year and a half before then. She started out telling me he was gay, then it changed to he is Bi (I don't know if  it's true or not but why lie about it), and now this morning they are "dating". I am thinking a sit down with her 4 parents and her is in order here as well as one that involves his parents and him with all of us.

MrsBLB
by Missi on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:54 PM
I would def have a talk with everyone. Let us know how things are going. Good luck.
MamaLoriLee
by Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 2:28 PM
1 mom liked this
This needs to be nipped in the bud quickly. What 18 yr. old dates a 14 yr. old without expecting to have sex? That's a big age gap and don't see how they could be on the same levels of maturity. Good luck with this one.
MJP76
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:02 PM

My daughter has been "dating" since she was 13. Meaning just seeing them at school. She has always been honest with us. The BF she has now, is her first REAL BF.  She is 15 and he turns 16 on Friday. I'm ok with that. They went on their first unsupervised date (by us) this last Sat. Although his mother was there. It was at a birthday party where his band was playing a gig. 

But so far most of the things they have done together have been supervised by us...

I agree that 18 is too old for 14. But I do not agree that 14 is too young to date... Supervised of course...

sabrtooth1
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 6:44 PM
2 moms liked this

She's failing.  She's doing SOMETHING with her time, and it isn't schoolwork.   I'd take to to a gyne for an exam, because my spider sense is that she's been doing a LOT of things you don't know about.  I would call the 18yo's parents, and tell them if he LOOKS at your dd again, you will call the police.  It is TOTALLY inappropriate.  And if you KNEW she was hanging out with some kid you'd never met why didn't you do something about it sooner.  Where's your head?

And NO 14 needs to be "dating".  Especially one who is failing, and lying to her parents.  Get rid of the puter, laptop, tablet, smartphone, TV, and anything else she has that either distracts her, or that she can use to contact men. 

NightOwls
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 7:06 PM

 

Quoting sabrtooth1:

She's failing.  She's doing SOMETHING with her time, and it isn't schoolwork.   I'd take to to a gyne for an exam, because my spider sense is that she's been doing a LOT of things you don't know about.  I would call the 18yo's parents, and tell them if he LOOKS at your dd again, you will call the police.  It is TOTALLY inappropriate.  And if you KNEW she was hanging out with some kid you'd never met why didn't you do something about it sooner.  Where's your head?

And NO 14 needs to be "dating".  Especially one who is failing, and lying to her parents.  Get rid of the puter, laptop, tablet, smartphone, TV, and anything else she has that either distracts her, or that she can use to contact men. 

 You stated that "really, there is no opportunity" for them to have sex...........teenagers always find ways, places, and opportunities to have sex, unless she's always in your sight 24/7, I agree with sabrtooth, she's doing something, and it's not her homework if she's failing. (Not being snarky at all)

atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 6, 2013 at 7:10 PM
I have to agree, she is finding a way.


Quoting NightOwls:

 


Quoting sabrtooth1:


She's failing.  She's doing SOMETHING with her time, and it isn't schoolwork.   I'd take to to a gyne for an exam, because my spider sense is that she's been doing a LOT of things you don't know about.  I would call the 18yo's parents, and tell them if he LOOKS at your dd again, you will call the police.  It is TOTALLY inappropriate.  And if you KNEW she was hanging out with some kid you'd never met why didn't you do something about it sooner.  Where's your head?


And NO 14 needs to be "dating".  Especially one who is failing, and lying to her parents.  Get rid of the puter, laptop, tablet, smartphone, TV, and anything else she has that either distracts her, or that she can use to contact men. 


 You stated that "really, there is no opportunity" for them to have sex...........teenagers always find ways, places, and opportunities to have sex, unless she's always in your sight 24/7, I agree with sabrtooth, she's doing something, and it's not her homework if she's failing. (Not being snarky at all)


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boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Feb. 6, 2013 at 7:57 PM

Oh, a pow wow is in order, alright.   I would include the 'boyfriend' and possibly his parents.   




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