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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Porn and teen boys...???

Posted by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:38 AM
  • 36 Replies

warning: content PG-16

Do you allow your 16 -18 yr old sons to look at porn?  Do you have blocks on their phones?

 Quite a discussion with my 16 yr. old DS last night.  Earlier in the month I walked in on my son taking care of his male business while on live chat with his GF.  I didn't see the screen so only can assume she was showing him her front or something.  It was embarrassing for him yes.  He didn't think he had done anything wrong except for bad timing.  Last night we really got into a discussion, (him in tears).  I told him it was completely unacceptable for him to be sexting OR videoing or live chatting in a sexual manner with his GF.  He said live sexting couldn't be caught by the police or government so it was okay...hmmm.  I let him know if he wanted to keep his phone he had to agree to my terms of the phone not being used for him and his GF in that manner.  He still disagreed and continued in tears.  He said I have so many blocks on his phone and I am the ONLY parent out their with these crazy controling rules.  I have blocks set up on his phone through our cell carrier.  I didn't really think they would work so well, but he says they do and they block to much.  He said I didn't understand guys and they need to get "off" with pictures and images and ALL of his friends look at porn on their phones and since he can't he needs to look at pictures of his GF and thought that would be better than looking a pictures of strangers.  He tried to negotiate he would no longer use the phone with his GF in those manners if I would unblock his phone so he could look at porn.  I tried to explain to him, porn is not realistic, it's not loving, some of it is brutal and I don't want him seeing those images and think those things are ok.  I also explained how people could get addicted to those sites. He just didn't get it or want to hear it.  I had my husband come in on the conversation because my son kept saying being a female I didn't get it and Dad would "get it."  He tried to calm my son down.  We agreed his dad would get him a Playboy magazine if he felt the need, but video online porn could be dangerous.  He didn't want the magazine he said they were old school and not how things are done theses days and we were at a stand still.  

My question to you do you have block your older teens from porn, have the don't ask don't tell policy or allow it?  Am I to over bearing?  Son claiming I won't let him grow up and do normal guy things.  He is a great kid and this is our only problem with him.  Should we let it slide and look at porn.  My son says he'll walk around miserable and grumpy all the time if we don't.  My husband is afraid he will get into other things if I keep such control on him.  I thought I was just being a good parent, but maybe it's time to loosen the reins....I just don't know.  I'm tired of being the bad guy and hated.  Feel like my son is just waiting to get out of the house and away from me.


by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:41 PM
No I don't agree with porn, I would not have condoned my 20 year old DS watching it or video chatting with his gf back in HS when he was living at home. I think porn is degrading to women and gives young boys the wrong idea of what sex is and not what it should be in loving ADULT relationships. I think you are absolutely right to block his phone and no way do I think you are the only parent. Stay strong, glad DH got involved. Hang in there, sounds like you are doing a great job.
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atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:59 PM
I have girls, thank God. It would never be acceptable. It is so degrading, teens drooling over porn.
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MJP76
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 2:02 PM

I'm the same way. No I would not allow it, and yes we have parental controls on everything.

there is too much bad information out there in the porn world... If these kids today actually knew what it took and how uncomfortable it is to actually make a porn the glamour would be taken out of it.

our daughter a few weeks ago tried to google "gay sex" (almost 16) she couldn't actually get to anything, but we check her history regularly to see where she's at and her knowledge of "life" per se.

when we asked her why she wanted to see something like that ( we are a very open family) she said because she was curious on how gay men had sex. With this being her first year in HS, and it's a very liberal HS, a lot of her male and female friends are either Bi or gay. So, we actually explained it to her. Asked her how she felt about it (she is still a virgin) and she thought it was weird. Her words were "I don't want anything put in my Vagina, I def wouldn't want anything put in my butt! That just seems painful!" I said "it is" the she proceeded to ask "how do you know?" I looked at her and she quickly said "never mind" 

LOL

AleaKat
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 2:04 PM
7 moms liked this

This is my stance.
As bashed as ill get for it I think it's natural for him to be curious and to look at porn. It's a totally normal teenage thing. The more they trust you to be "cool" about it the more likely they'll be comfortable coming to you with questions and confiding in you. I stead if being terrified to be themselves and alway keeping things from their parents.

It's important to remember what being a teenager is like.
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atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 7, 2013 at 2:11 PM
Looking at a Victoria Secret catalog is one thing, porn is so unacceptable. We have enough adults addicted to porn which is terrible in itself.


Quoting AleaKat:

This is my stance.

As bashed as ill get for it I think it's natural for him to be curious and to look at porn. It's a totally normal teenage thing. The more they trust you to be "cool" about it the more likely they'll be comfortable coming to you with questions and confiding in you. I stead if being terrified to be themselves and alway keeping things from their parents.



It's important to remember what being a teenager is like.

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AleaKat
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 2:12 PM
Those people have addictive personalities to begin with. PORN didn't make them do it! Lol

Quoting atlmom2:

Looking at a Victoria Secret catalog is one thing, porn is so unacceptable. We have enough adults addicted to porn which is terrible in itself.




Quoting AleaKat:

This is my stance.


As bashed as ill get for it I think it's natural for him to be curious and to look at porn. It's a totally normal teenage thing. The more they trust you to be "cool" about it the more likely they'll be comfortable coming to you with questions and confiding in you. I stead if being terrified to be themselves and alway keeping things from their parents.





It's important to remember what being a teenager is like.

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JustaSM231
by Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 3:09 PM
2 moms liked this

Yes, parental controls on everything!!  We have parental controls on all internet access in our home.  Cell phone access we have no control over because SD13's mother purchased the cell phone and is supposed to be making sure about access.  Last I checked SD13 did not have internet access with her cell phone but BM won't tell us if she gets it for SD and SD won't tell us if she gets it because we know we don't approve.  Back to your issue - I'm sorry, but at 16 years old he better be dad-gum happy with the Playboy!  I wouldn't even have given him that.  And he needs to be aware that sexting or sending or RECEIVING nude photographs of someone under the age of 18 years is a crime and can end him up in jail!!! It is called child pornography and whether it is his girlfriend or not, whether he has permission or not, he can still go to jail and suffer life-altering consequences that will follow him for years. And believe me, the police will find out.  They have very specific, expensive computers that they use to detect and investigate child pornography and your son can always get caught if his girlfriend's parents find the pictures on her phone and call the police.  You were correct to let him know that porn is degrading and unrealistic.  I applaud your attempt to try to show him that a sex, in any form, should only occur in a loving respectful relationship.  I guess he doesn't want the cell phone very badly!  I don't think you are restricting "too much" because you are not allowing him to look at porn.  I would have laughed in his face if he said he would just walk around grumpy and miserable all the time.  Once he's 18 and out of your house and able to pay his own bills, he can watch whatever he wants.  Just one opinion!

yourchoice
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 3:32 PM
2 moms liked this

Ok being that I have a background in psychology and mental health. Here is a simple rule to answer the question for yourself.

Watching porn is like taking drugs. Now there are some who say some drugs are worse than others but anything that gain control over you is not good. And you have thousands of people who are highly addicted to porn. In fact, creates an appetite that acts like a monster that needs to be fed growing and desiring more.

Now you decide what you want for your son.


Its your choice

YC-Your Choice "Everything in life is your choice"sidesplittinglaughter

PurpleHazey
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 7:56 PM

No I did not but I know they did.

PurpleHazey
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 7:57 PM



Quoting AleaKat:

Those people have addictive personalities to begin with. PORN didn't make them do it! Lol

Quoting atlmom2:

Looking at a Victoria Secret catalog is one thing, porn is so unacceptable. We have enough adults addicted to porn which is terrible in itself.




Quoting AleaKat:

This is my stance.


As bashed as ill get for it I think it's natural for him to be curious and to look at porn. It's a totally normal teenage thing. The more they trust you to be "cool" about it the more likely they'll be comfortable coming to you with questions and confiding in you. I stead if being terrified to be themselves and alway keeping things from their parents.





It's important to remember what being a teenager is like.

They sure do!


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