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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Not again!

Posted by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 3:25 PM
  • 11 Replies

I know there are some awesome guys out there, including the sons of some of my close friends.  But my daughter, who's eighteen, has had the worse luck with boyfriends.  She has been recently dating a guy who initially we all thought was great.  He has a very good job while still going to school.  He's mature, polite, comes from a nice family, and doesn't drink or party.  He and my daughter had Valentine's Day plans today which she's cancelled.  She told him she doesn't feel like she's the right girl for him and they should go their separate ways. Come to find out, even though they've been dating only a short time, he's telling her not to do certain things like dye the tips on her hair light pink for an upcoming concert she's attending.   He also told her she better never get a visible tattoo and when she made a silly face at him when they were having coffee to never do it again. My daughter saw all these things as red flags and I agree with her.  This is the second guy she's dated who's attempted to be controlling with her.  Her friend told her that if she really likes him she would want to go along with his wishes.  Umm, no.  She shouldn't have to change who she is to please some guy.  At least that's how I see it.  My daughter told me, "Mom, I realize some people don't like tattoos, etc. but shouldn't it be what's on the inside that really matters"? It's surprising to me that this has been an issue, we're not living in the 50's and we live near a big city.  Also, my daughter is a smart girl who's taking 5 college classes plus a chemistry lab, has very wholesome interests, and has a lot going for her.  She's pretty artistic and will occasionally dye her hair some funky color and dress in a more edgy style, which apparently this guy wasn't aware of when they started seeing each other. The guy texted her that he wants to talk about it more but I think my daughter isn't going to go back out with him even if it means a boring Valentine's Day with her parents and little brother.  I'll happily hang out with her tonight!

by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 3:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 14, 2013 at 3:27 PM
1 mom liked this
She needs to stay clear from any controlling guys.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
chattycassie
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 3:36 PM
3 moms liked this

 Sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders. Maybe make a special diner for her.

MrsSufi
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 3:42 PM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like your daughter has a good head on her shoulders.  Good for her for standing up for herself.  As for why she is meeting the wrong guys, i dont know - maybe she is just really nice and they eventually think they can take advantage of that?

Barabell
by Barbara on Feb. 14, 2013 at 3:45 PM
1 mom liked this

She definitely made the right decision by dumping this guy. Those are bad signs, and she is smart not to listen to her friend.

justamomma2
by Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 4:30 PM
3 moms liked this

What a strong, confindent daughter you have raised.  Kudo's to her for knowing what is right for her and who is not.  So many young women just want to please a guy and will conform, not realizing all of the red flags and warning signs.  This is just wonderful.  No worries that she is meeting the wrong guys, she is still very young and there will be many more life lessons on who the wrong ones are and she will really know when the right guy comes around.  Bravo to your young lady!!!  Hope you all have a wonderful family Valentines day together!!

sahlady
by Gold Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 5:07 PM
2 moms liked this

 A couple of thoughts I had while reading....

Quoting cege:

 But my daughter, who's eighteen, has had the worse luck with boyfriends. 

It isnt luck... it is who she is choosing.  SHE chose to become the girlfriend, it wasnt happenstance.

She has been recently dating a guy who initially we all thought was great.... even though they've been dating only a short time, he's telling her not to do certain things ... My daughter saw all these things as red flags and I agree with her. 

Very proud of her to see the warning signs and end it at that point with out hessitation.  Very mature of her!

This is the second guy she's dated who's attempted to be controlling with her. 

She should take some time and figure how why she is choosing men boys like this.  There must be something they do when she first meets them that she finds attractive.  I would suggest she take a good hard look inward and try to figure it out.  She is bright enough and comfortable enough to end it when she realizes it.... but wouldnt it be less problematic if she could just avoid it.

Her friend told her that if she really likes him she would want to go along with his wishes. 

This friend scares the living hell out of me.  What kind of dimwit would give that advice.  I would point that out in a VERY serious way with your daughter.  You do not want a friend who isnt going to ALWAYS have your back and your best interest at heart.  This in my book is a HUGE red flag for keeping that girl in the inner circle.

The guy texted her that he wants to talk about it more but I think my daughter isn't going to go back out with him even if it means a boring Valentine's Day with her parents and little brother. 

Im sure your daughter is smart enough to leave it where it is.  There is no reason to tempt fate with a fella who is like that.  Leave, and leave fast.


drfink
by Emily on Feb. 14, 2013 at 5:56 PM
1 mom liked this

 Good for your daughter !

My daughter dated this guy for a short time fall of her sr.year.He seemed soooo nice.One night they are out and he TELLS her they are going to have sex or else.She said ok ,told him she had to go to the restroom and was thirsty .They stopped at a fast food place and went in.She called us and her bff.Bye bye guy.He had such a weird look when we walked in LOL but if looks could kill one less roach would exist.

MamaLoriLee
by Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 6:03 PM
1 mom liked this
She's so young and has her whole life ahead of her, it's good to see that she isn't just trying to settle down with anyone that will give her a second glance. She will find someone perfect someday, right now she should be focused on having fun and enjoying her youth.
bluelola
by Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 6:49 PM
1 mom liked this

Good for her!!  If he's that controlling already, can you imagine what he'd be like after a longer period together?  Run, run away!

cege
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 7:09 PM

 Exactly!! 


Quoting bluelola:

Good for her!!  If he's that controlling already, can you imagine what he'd be like after a longer period together?  Run, run away!


 

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