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Venting a little...No bad language. **Edit in red**

Posted by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 1:12 AM
  • 23 Replies

OK, I am a mom with 8 kids.  All but 3 are out on their own.  The oldest living at home is 16.  He is in the local high school, and every since he went back from Christmas break, he has got at least 12 detentions - I found out later that the school notes that I took in got lost some how and for every day he missed after the 5th tardy or a missed day, he get 3 detentions.  I got copies of the doctor excuses and took them in, but they refuse to take them.  Tuesday I went to Ohio to pick up my youngest daughter (it was only an 5 hour trip round trip. He got into trouble.  It was his own fault, but never in a million years would I dreamed of getting into trouble myself.  My son had a cigarette on his person.  Wasn't out smoking it but, he got 3 days suspension, a ticket for $150, a court date, lock in a room (cell) for 8 hours a day for the 3 days suspension.  I have to go to the high school  for a behavior meeting.  This is going to be very interesting because the same asst. principal that I went to talk to on Wednesday and he yelled at me and accused me of buying cigarettes for my son.  WOW!  1. don't yell at me.  My husband doesn't yell at me.  2. I thought that I was an adult, but I sure felt like I was in high school again.  Where I used to live, yes, I knew the laws for underage smoking, but never dreamed this.  I know that my son did wrong, he knows too.  I just can't understand all this when I have seen and heard of more problems up at this high school and this doesn't happen.  I watch a kid get the heck beat out of him, and the abuser was never punished.  My son has class with him.  ???  I just wondered if anyone has heard of this or knows what I should be doing. 

**OK, I am really trying hard to understand things that are going on at the high school.  Since I first posted this, the principal that first gave my son all the above, has given my son several more detentions.  With this last time giving David 9 of them all at once.  Here is the reason: Instead of saying "Hi Mr. West." he said "Hi West."  Witnesses told me that Mr. West got in his face and yelled and screamed at him.  ?????  OK.  So he called me at school, got me out of class started right off yelling at me.  I blew a gasket.  After yelling at me, I opened up and gave it to him with both barrels.  I told him "You have to giver respect before you can get it."  He said "Exactly.  That is what I told David"  I told him, "It wasn't David, I was talking about, it is you.  You know what, I will be there in a few minutes, and we will talk about this."  and I hung up.  Went up to talk to him and he was nowhere in sight.  When I asked where he was the secretary told me that he left and that he sent David back to class.  When I asked where'd he go, she couldn't tell or wouldn't tell me.  So she told me that I could pick up David so I did.  When I rounded the corner, there he stood, and that man went the other way.  OMG!  What an ignorant man.  I was so mad at him because he would not talk to me.  David arrives, and I let him have it with both barrels because of the simple disrespect that he showed an adult - such as he was.

I know that what my son did was wrong, but did it really warrant nine detentions?  One or two, yes, three yes, but nine?  So I get the detention slip in the mail.  All he said that David is getting nine detentions for disrespect of an adult.  I took it to a teacher that is a friend of mine, she told me that I was fighting a losing battle, but she did tell me to go through the ranks and talk to the main principal and was advised that I wouldn't get anywhere and  the to go to the superintendent of schools and again I wouldn't get nowhere and then she said that I needed to go to a lawyer because she believes this to harassment.   

I am torn on what to do.  My son has witnesses that seen Mr. West just yell and scream at him for just saying "Hi West" instead of "Hi Mr. West".  I am not sure that it is worth it all to take him to court, but I am taking my son out of this school and putting him back into the on-line schools that he was in before.  I have never seen such a mess in all of my life.  He does great in the public school.  His teachers all have nothing but good to say about him.  And since he got back on his ADD meds., they say that he is doing even better than before.  It is just this Mr. West.

Any advice would be appreciated.  

Sorry so long.  Just ranting.

by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 1:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Jebekarue
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 1:44 AM
2 moms liked this

Yikes, sounds like someone in the office doesn't like your son much. 

Who the heck  gave him a 150.00 fine and locked in a cell for 8 hours plus a court date for just having a cig??  Did they call the cops on him and have him arrested for having a cig?  Thats insane!!!  I would be looking into transferring him to another school!! Its not like it was pot, crack or heroin!!  Your right, I have seen it happen where kids get into deep doodoo for the smallest of mistakes and then the big stuff goes un punished.  Good luck to you and your son. 

DarlaHood
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 2:42 AM

I understand that they might have zero tolerance policies about drugs, including tobacco, but that seems like overkill to me.  The purpose of discipline should be to encourage good behavior and protect the student body in general, and locking him in a cell is a bit much.  I do understand making him do $150 worth of community service in the school district, and I guess I can even understand a suspension (although I'm generally not a fan of suspensions in these situations). 

If you have doctors notes or other information that excuses absences, there is no reason they cannot correct their records.  They probably don't want to because if it's retroactive they may not get funding, so they may be trying to make sure they get the notes promptly in the future. 

I think it might be good to check into your options in terms of schools available.  Maybe another school would be a better fit for him.  If he's going to stay at the school he's at, he's going to have to buckle down and follow the rules, or you're going to have nothing but problems.  However if you do need him to stay, and you think the situation is out of hand, call the superintendent's office.  I have found that if you go up the ladder and have a legitimate issue, things tend to diffuse because the school administration won't want higher up attention. 

What other kids are or aren't doing isn't relevant.  If you want to get anywhere, stick to your own kid and that situation.  I also wish you luck.  Everyone's priority should be supporting your son and getting him through school successfully.

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Feb. 17, 2013 at 6:45 AM
Did he get caught with the cigarette at school? That punishment seems overboard. Punishment for getting caught with a cigarette on school grounds should be spelled out in the school handbook. I would start with that.

Not sure what you should do about the absences.

Why is your youngest in a school 2.5 hours away in another state? How did he get the cigarette?
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ladyluke2007
by Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 8:54 AM

My youngest daughter is almost 19.  She lives there but wanted to come him so her dad and I went to get her.  It gave us an excuse to spend a few hours together talking and yes, my son was at school.  I have looked over the handbook, and unless I am missing it, the punishment for this wasn't that bad.

Quoting fammatthews4:

Did he get caught with the cigarette at school? That punishment seems overboard. Punishment for getting caught with a cigarette on school grounds should be spelled out in the school handbook. I would start with that.

Not sure what you should do about the absences.

Why is your youngest in a school 2.5 hours away in another state? How did he get the cigarette?


ladyluke2007
by Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 8:57 AM

Yes, they called the cops on him.  That is where the ticket came from, but they didn't arrest him.  They were going to arrest me.  ??  I should clarify, that "cell" was a school room down at the court house annex. But it is locked up tighter than a drum.  

Quoting Jebekarue:

Yikes, sounds like someone in the office doesn't like your son much. 

Who the heck  gave him a 150.00 fine and locked in a cell for 8 hours plus a court date for just having a cig??  Did they call the cops on him and have him arrested for having a cig?  Thats insane!!!  I would be looking into transferring him to another school!! Its not like it was pot, crack or heroin!!  Your right, I have seen it happen where kids get into deep doodoo for the smallest of mistakes and then the big stuff goes un punished.  Good luck to you and your son. 


atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 17, 2013 at 9:03 AM
2 moms liked this
I think he needs to buckle down, start studying and stop smoking. He would be grounded if he were mine.
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ladyluke2007
by Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 9:07 AM
1 mom liked this

I totally agree with you on this.  I think a suspension is over rated most times.  It has its purposes.

You are probably right on the school excuses.  I am still going to try though.  I have had all the doctors mail me copies of every excuse and just waiting on one more.  MOST of the excuses were where he was late due to a doctor's appointment.  NOT that he missed the whole day.

There is only one high school in the county so I am going back to on-line schooling for him.  He really excelled in that and I think that it is best for him.  He will finished out the school year and then his 10th grade year he is going back to the on-line.

I agree that what other kids do or don't do isn't the point, but I was very angry and I was telling what I thought at the time.  I still think that where my son was wrong, there are other "crimes" going on at the  school.  It seems to me that they are turning a blind at them.  

Quoting DarlaHood:

I understand that they might have zero tolerance policies about drugs, including tobacco, but that seems like overkill to me.  The purpose of discipline should be to encourage good behavior and protect the student body in general, and locking him in a cell is a bit much.  I do understand making him do $150 worth of community service in the school district, and I guess I can even understand a suspension (although I'm generally not a fan of suspensions in these situations). 

If you have doctors notes or other information that excuses absences, there is no reason they cannot correct their records.  They probably don't want to because if it's retroactive they may not get funding, so they may be trying to make sure they get the notes promptly in the future. 

I think it might be good to check into your options in terms of schools available.  Maybe another school would be a better fit for him.  If he's going to stay at the school he's at, he's going to have to buckle down and follow the rules, or you're going to have nothing but problems.  However if you do need him to stay, and you think the situation is out of hand, call the superintendent's office.  I have found that if you go up the ladder and have a legitimate issue, things tend to diffuse because the school administration won't want higher up attention. 

What other kids are or aren't doing isn't relevant.  If you want to get anywhere, stick to your own kid and that situation.  I also wish you luck.  Everyone's priority should be supporting your son and getting him through school successfully.


ladyluke2007
by Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 9:09 AM

He is grounded and he is in deep trouble with me.  He has buckled down and gets good grades.  Other than what he has done, he is a good kid.

Quoting atlmom2:

I think he needs to buckle down, start studying and stop smoking. He would be grounded if he were mine.


luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:48 AM

Gotta love zero tolerance...right? No!

Our school has a no-excuse policy. Even if you bring a doctors note it is considered a zero. Why? Because parents could get appoinments after school. Yeah, that didn't go over well at all, but the school wouldn't budge. The notes only help when you go up for 'review' and your punishment is handed down. Usually that consisted of X amount of hours in homework club. Biggest load of crap around. 

As for the cig, don't take it lightly. My friends son had the same thing happen to him and it actually cost him a job once cause in our state it is a misdemeanor. 

Is it in school suspension? If yes, force the issue and have out of school suspension. I hate ISS it's a way of segragating and demeaning the child. 

As for everything else, if you really feel the school is being unfair and over harsh then be prepared to fight, and don't just stop at the principla. Remember almost everyone has a boss.

Barabell
by Barbara on Feb. 17, 2013 at 12:20 PM

I have never heard of a school refusing doctor notes before. Seems odd. 

I see that you are considering having your son go back to online schooling and are punishing him for the cigarette issue. It seems like that is the right way to proceed in this situation. If your child is being bulled and the school is not taking it seriously, it sounds like a bad environment. The school should be implementing zero tolerance across the board to all their students.

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