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I used to be everything to my daughter

Posted by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:40 PM
  • 14 Replies

She was fine with me until she turned 13.

We used to Skype almost everyday (she lives with her dad in another state), we used talk on the phone alot, play games on facebook , then she met a group of friends and now she hardly wants to have anything to do with me. 

She just recently turned 14 and our conversations are even shorter now. She even used to LIKE most of my FaceBook status' and now she does not care what I post. 

I really miss all the time we spent together laughing and talking and I feel like she doesn't need me anymore.  I feel so abandoned by her.

I know she needs to hang out with people her age and all but I long for the way things used to be.

Anyone else going through this?



by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:40 PM
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by Kimberly on Feb. 17, 2013 at 11:49 PM
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My kids live with me, and I can't imagine either of them living in another state.    That must be so difficult!    Your DD is at 'that age', where friends are all that and more.    Maybe you can make a weekly cyber date with her?  

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 12:00 AM

That is something I did not even think about.  Great idea boys2 :). I am going to be calling her in the morning since she has no school tomorrow and set a time and day that is good for both of us.

It is definately not easy for me to be miles away from my kids but unfortunately, I have no job, no money and no place for them to sleep where I am staying.

by Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 7:57 AM

I'm going to be blunt.  You are acting like she is your friend and NOT your daughter.  You are the PARENT, regardless of where you live.  She needs a MOTHER, particularly now, NOT a girlfriend.  Be the adult and she will probably start sharing more with you.

by Trisha on Feb. 18, 2013 at 8:52 AM
Do you have visitation? If you do how often do you see her? I think at her age it's probably a lot of "out of sight out of mind". Work on your relationship face to face instead of on the phone, or if that's not possible do as another suggested and set up a Skype date with her for a short amount of time once or twice a month.
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by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 8:56 AM

Yes thats what Teens do. She would do the same if she lived with you or not. 

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 9:09 AM

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by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 9:18 AM

That is what happens as they get older. Have you told her you miss her? You'd be surprised but a lot of times they just don't realize that. It's always worked on my kids, if they have been runnin' and gunnin' and I'm feeling a little left out I tell them. Many time they didn't realize it and will make sure to squeeze me in somewhere lol

by Bronze Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 12:04 PM

Set up weekly "dates".  Tell her you miss her.  Tell your ex your schedule, so he makes sure that your daughter is available and makes her be there.  You deserve at least an hour or two "face time" with your daughter.  But other than that, dont expect much.  Your daughter would act like this whether she was living with you or not!  LOL!  My daughter is the same way - she is 14 now, but this started when she turned 13.  Friends are all that matter.  

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 12:19 PM
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I'm being to be blunter than the first one. Your dd is growing up. She understands that you have no job, no money, and no place decent to live. She understands that you gave her and her sibs away. And it embarrasses and bothers her. She can't talk about you with her friends. If you want to be important to her, get your act together. Then she'll come around.
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by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 7:35 PM
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I know it's hard, but it's pretty normal for teens to be wrapped up in their social lives and not want to spend as much time with mom and dad.  It's also normal for teens to push away from their parents as they try to establish an independent identity apart from their family.  This is the beginning of her distancing herself.  And it's normal for kids to think their parents are all-knowing and then grow into teens and think their parents know nothing and are so weird!

It does complicate things that you have gotten yourself into a situation where you are not able to be near her.  And kids that have split custody have the difficulty of wanting to be social with their friends, but having a parent who is wanting to have their time with them.  The best you can do is just be persistent and consistent about connecting with her, and try not to take it personally.  It would also be a good idea for you to work toward moving near her so you could be physically present in her life. 

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