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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

The egg shell crunching is getting unbearable!

Posted by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:55 AM
  • 13 Replies

   So this morning I sent a pic of our dog to my son in college and my husband on group messaging. My husband has twitter because of his job and every now and then will check to see if our son or gf has posted anything. So my husband messages me back about something the gf- (we really have been trying our hardest to like her , but today didn't help)-tweeted and he used the word "slutty" in his discription of what she texted. Not being as tech savy as our children, he didn't realize when he replied that  my son would also see his text! I quickly texted my husband privately to warn him but of course it was too late. So then our son texts both of us about how rude that was and that we are belittling him because we both mentioned how cold it was going to be where he is, saying something like we dont think he would know that it is cold. We see it as just conversation, he sees it as us telling him what to do, so I constantly feel that we have to walk on egg shells watching everything we say to him because he takes it personally. I texted him back telling him he was right that what his father said was uncalled for, but I also feel like the stones are always being cast in our direction. I'm sure he and the gf have used some choice words describing us(of course in his eyes that's okay), and my husband is not the one putting some pretty immoral things out there for the world to see-she is,  I did not tell him all this just that his father should not have used that word. This is just one example of the walking on egg shells. And I am not even talking about the twitter comment, just the weather. It's true you can't take back what you say or text! Didn't really want to start the week like this!

 So my question to all of you is, do you constantly have to walk on egg shells regarding one of more of your children?

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:55 AM
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Replies (1-10):
02nana07
by Ida on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:00 AM

 No I am me and speak my mind if they get mad I can't help it sometimes the truth hurts.

nsparky1964
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:37 AM
I've said things about my sd17 friends and bf..all of course my SD doesn't like..my response is its my opinion, their actions justify the remarks, and I can and will state my opinion in my own house..regardless if it upsets some fringe
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sabrtooth1
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 12:07 PM
At one point we had a problem, but then dd reminded me of something I used to say when they were kids. It does not matter if YOU think what you said was not mean, it matters what the OTHER person thinks. Before you tweet, text, or open your mouth, think about the other person. That is not walking on eggshells, that is being considerate.
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Barabell
by Barbara on Feb. 18, 2013 at 7:31 PM

Nope. I'm pretty open and direct with my son. I also try to practice what I preach in terms of not saying anything behind someone's back that you're not willing to say to their face.

DarlaHood
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 7:43 PM

Honestly, you shouldn't communicate via text when there are issues between you.  Texts are for information or lighter conversation.  And you shouldn't be apologizing for what dh does. Your dh should have called your son and apologized himself IF he was really sorry. 

If you don't like his gf, then the last thing you want to do is say negative things about her.  He's obviously distancing himself from his parents and is somewhat rebellious and obstinate.  So if you say things about her, then you put him in a position to defend her.  As he does, he becomes more set on her.  He already knows how you feel, and hopefully knows what a good relationship looks like.

Lay off the social networking and texting except to keep it light and brief.  And try to back off and give him some space.  He's in college. 

MJP76
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 8:36 PM

Oh... That dagnabbit technology...lol 

and no.

bizzeemom2717
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:49 PM
No I am pretty open and honest with my kids. I also have a DS in college who has had the same gf for 3 years since high school. If I had an issue with one of them I would just come out and say it, not harshly but we have very open and honest communication
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TranquilMind
by Bronze Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 1:29 AM
3 moms liked this

Yes!

I swear that I say something to one of mine (mid teens)like, "It's really cold outside today!  You should wear a heavy coat."

She thinks I said, "You are a complete idiot who cannot figure out the temperature or anything else and will be a total failure in life.  You would probably go outside in a bikini when it is below zero.  I hate you.  Blah blah blah"

I know EXACTLY what you mean. 

TranquilMind
by Bronze Member on Feb. 19, 2013 at 1:30 AM

 That's true about texting.  It should only be light stuff. 


Quoting DarlaHood:

Honestly, you shouldn't communicate via text when there are issues between you.  Texts are for information or lighter conversation.  And you shouldn't be apologizing for what dh does. Your dh should have called your son and apologized himself IF he was really sorry. 

If you don't like his gf, then the last thing you want to do is say negative things about her.  He's obviously distancing himself from his parents and is somewhat rebellious and obstinate.  So if you say things about her, then you put him in a position to defend her.  As he does, he becomes more set on her.  He already knows how you feel, and hopefully knows what a good relationship looks like.

Lay off the social networking and texting except to keep it light and brief.  And try to back off and give him some space.  He's in college. 


 

CTBmom
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 8:27 AM
Lol! That is exactly what it is like most days with my 15 yr-old ds! If I casually remind him not to fall asleep before he washes his face and brushes his teeth, he takes it as I think he has bad skin and yellow teeth!


Quoting TranquilMind:

Yes!


I swear that I say something to one of mine (mid teens)like, "It's really cold outside today!  You should wear a heavy coat."


She thinks I said, "You are a complete idiot who cannot figure out the temperature or anything else and will be a total failure in life.  You would probably go outside in a bikini when it is below zero.  I hate you.  Blah blah blah"


I know EXACTLY what you mean. 


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