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Need some discipline ideas for 13yo, 10yo, 8yo

Posted by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 5:19 PM
  • 18 Replies
My kids fight continually it is awful! We have tried time-outs, marble jars, charts, taking things away etc. nothing works. I am loosing my mind trying to figure out how to get them to like each other. My oldest is my DS who has ADHD and ODD, my second is my other DS, and lastly is my DD. Any tips you can give I would greatly appreciate it.
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by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 5:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
specialwingz
by Bronze Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 5:23 PM
2 moms liked this

Every time they act out,  make them sit in a circle holding hands.  They have to sit holding hands for an amount of time determined by you.  And, they each have to say something nice about each other.  Each time they get into a skirmish, add an additional minute to their time.

JodyLane555
by Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 5:45 PM
I agree new punishment to do something or say something nice to each other. maybe fostering more special time between them like 2 at a time doing something fun together or building something together they would enjoy. try exploring what they have in common. you could have them volunteer together. things that may bring them closer.
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sahlady
by Gold Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 5:48 PM
2 moms liked this

laughing

 we once made my son and daughter spend the entire day together for bickering in the morning.  the only time they were allowed to do something separte was when someone had to go to the bathroom, but the other was told to sit and wait by the door.

with in an hour they were buddy buddy and playing game together.

Quoting specialwingz:

Every time they act out,  make them sit in a circle holding hands.  They have to sit holding hands for an amount of time determined by you.  And, they each have to say something nice about each other.  Each time they get into a skirmish, add an additional minute to their time.


Barabell
by Barbara on Feb. 18, 2013 at 7:36 PM

I'm not sure. Sorry. Here's a BUMP.

schfam
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 7:40 PM
This is an awesome idea! Thank you


Quoting specialwingz:

Every time they act out,  make them sit in a circle holding hands.  They have to sit holding hands for an amount of time determined by you.  And, they each have to say something nice about each other.  Each time they get into a skirmish, add an additional minute to their time.


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specialwingz
by Bronze Member on Feb. 18, 2013 at 7:45 PM
2 moms liked this

No problem.  The last thing they want to do is hold hands for any length of time and say nice things about each other.  LOL.  So, it will make them start thinking.  Heehee.

Quoting schfam:

This is an awesome idea! Thank you


Quoting specialwingz:

Every time they act out,  make them sit in a circle holding hands.  They have to sit holding hands for an amount of time determined by you.  And, they each have to say something nice about each other.  Each time they get into a skirmish, add an additional minute to their time.



DarlaHood
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 7:58 PM
3 moms liked this

ADHD and ODD create a different dynamic than many parents will deal with because both of those disorders indicate poor impulse control.  And it's likely that your younger children know this and can get their brother to react.  And you have complications in that ODD is characterized by opposition and defiance, which means that any form of discipline is difficult.  On top of that he is becoming hormonal, and that can affect his reactions, and it can also change the way medications affect him.  Often meds have to be adjusted as kids go through puberty and their bodies change, and this can be a process.  Hopefully he is seeing a good therapist and pediatric psychiatrist and is receiving proper treatment. I probably don't need to tell you that ODD can escalate into a Conduct Disorder, and you definitely don't want that.

With the situation you have, I would not suggest forcing them together.  I would be more inclined to separate them.  Just put them each in a different room/place, and have them do solo activities.  If they want to play together, you can let them know that is a privilege, and if they can do it without fighting, then you will allow it.  If not, they are separated for the day.  Give them only 1 chance each day, and if they can't handle it, separate them. 

You do have to be paying attention to what is going on though.  if your younger children are able to play pretty peacefully, don't punish them because the older one starts stuff.  Or if your boys play peacefully, don't blame them for the sister starting stuff.  If they are all fighting, fine.  But if one is consistently instigating, then you need to know.  You can use a smart phone ap in a room to record what goes on if things start when you're not present.  There are audio aps that work well.

bizzeemom2717
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 1:24 AM
Awesome advice Darla!

Quoting DarlaHood:

ADHD and ODD create a different dynamic than many parents will deal with because both of those disorders indicate poor impulse control.  And it's likely that your younger children know this and can get their brother to react.  And you have complications in that ODD is characterized by opposition and defiance, which means that any form of discipline is difficult.  On top of that he is becoming hormonal, and that can affect his reactions, and it can also change the way medications affect him.  Often meds have to be adjusted as kids go through puberty and their bodies change, and this can be a process.  Hopefully he is seeing a good therapist and pediatric psychiatrist and is receiving proper treatment. I probably don't need to tell you that ODD can escalate into a Conduct Disorder, and you definitely don't want that.

With the situation you have, I would not suggest forcing them together.  I would be more inclined to separate them.  Just put them each in a different room/place, and have them do solo activities.  If they want to play together, you can let them know that is a privilege, and if they can do it without fighting, then you will allow it.  If not, they are separated for the day.  Give them only 1 chance each day, and if they can't handle it, separate them. 

You do have to be paying attention to what is going on though.  if your younger children are able to play pretty peacefully, don't punish them because the older one starts stuff.  Or if your boys play peacefully, don't blame them for the sister starting stuff.  If they are all fighting, fine.  But if one is consistently instigating, then you need to know.  You can use a smart phone ap in a room to record what goes on if things start when you're not present.  There are audio aps that work well.

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ochoa.mama
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 6:03 AM
I have same ages in my 3 boys, my little one likes tormenting his older brothers. Put them in separate rooms till they cool off. Or get them all out of the house and make them do something together till they like it
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boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Feb. 19, 2013 at 10:53 AM
1 mom liked this

We have 2 sons, 3.5 yrs apart in age.   They are polar opposites and fought like crazy!   I feared they would never be friends.   I was so sick of their fighting, one day I actually told them to take it outside.  I watched out the window as they wrestled and physically fought on the lawn......I stopped it before it got  out of hand, but honestly, it would not have.    They told me years later that they never tried to actually hurt each other.  They were about 9 & 12.... my younger one was as big & stronger than his older brother.

We had family fun time.   Every Sunday Morning, we would go bowling, ot miniture golfing, something fun.....just the 4 of us.  We also took lots of day trips or weekend get aways.  It gave them fun memories of just our family.   I noticed that when they boys were removed from the house, their gadgets, and their friends, they tolerated each other better.    We also had family meetings, where we openly discussed behaviors that were troubling.

When the youngest hit his teen years, their relationship improved.   I found out that my guys will always have each others backs.   They may insult, name call or fight each other, but heaven forbid anyone else get involved...if you take on one, you get both.   They have little in common, but they have learned to appreciate their differences.





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