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My teenage son doesn't socialize

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My 15-yr-old son is very intelligent, good-looking, athletic, and has many friends at school.  He plays high school baseball and also plays the saxophone in two different bands at school.  He has also gone to school dances with a date, one who he invited, another where a girl invited him.  But he does not date.  He says he's not interested in dating because can't find a girl who can have an intelligent conversation with him, which is important to him.

My concern is this:  he doesn't ever inititate any social get-togethers, although he will go over to one particular friend's house if he is invited over.  He does not like anyone coming over to our home (except this one friend - and this rarely).  He stays in his room most of the time, on his computer, where he researches his interests (science, engineering), even taking Physics and Computer Science classes online (for fun!)
He has no interest in parties or social gatherings where there are many people.  He socializes at school (which he tells me) but has no interest in socializing outside of school.  And he seems quite content with this arrangement.

He has no interest in a Facebook account (he thinks it's "stupid and a waste of time"), he rarely texts or uses his phone except when necessary.  He has no interest in "small talk" with others.  In fact, he thinks it's a waste of time.  If the conversation is not of an interest to him, he doesn't participate.  

He seems quite happy, not depressed at all.  He is definitely a reserved kid, but is this normal?  I have thought about pushing him a bit to engage more, but I know he would never go for it, and it would just end up going nowhere.  Especially since he is only 2 years away from college, I'm nervous about sending him off into the world with these lack of social skills!  I've tried to teach him certain social skills, but he just shrugs it off. Should I be concerned, and should I continue to push him a little more?

by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 8:16 PM
Replies (21-23):
by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:43 AM

Well he sounds like a cool kid, so I'm not seeing the issue.

by Trisha on Feb. 20, 2013 at 8:43 AM

It doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about.  Some people are just happier being by themselves.

by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 9:53 AM

I prefer being alone to being in a crowd.  Partly this is due to childhood bullying all my life.  Whenever I tried making friends they would shun me.  It was in college that I began to make friends (made 4 the first couple weeks of school) and began to come out of my shell a bit.  I have no social skills due to childhood bullying so am not sure how to interact with people and am actually afraid they'll reject me for my speech impediment (I can't say words with "R" or "Sh" in front of them correctly) and am really self conscious.  I am happy being an introvert.  There's nothing wrong with being a loner or introvert.  I prefer reading, gaming, writing, and studying to what most college kids like (drinking, partying, doing drugs, 'shopping' for a mate).  I didn't join any clubs at college because they had nothing that interested me.

Dragon, wife to Eagle.  Sister-wife to Swan and Rainbow.  Author, astronomer, world traveler, gamer, & reader.  Muslim revert.  In an inter-racial and cross-cultural marriage.

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