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College daughter dating High School boy

Posted by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 11:51 PM
  • 33 Replies

My daughter is 18 years old and a freshman at a university 2000 miles away from our home.  She loves her school, is doing well academically, joined a sorority, and has made some friends. Ok, these are not problems!

My issue is that she is dating a boy here at home who is a JUNIOR in high school.  They began dating the summer before she left for college (good timing, I know...). The age difference between them is only 9 months (his parents held him back a year) and he seems to be a very nice boy who really likes my daughter. She has been home a few times already and when she's home, she spends a great deal of time with him.  In fact, she is usually the one driving to see him, or pick him up, as he has to share one car with 2 other siblings. But the whole situation is strange, even my 15-yr-old son is asking why she's doing this, he thinks it's weird!  You would think the distance alone would kill the relationship, but it's still going strong...

My husband and I have no issues with the boy himself, our main issue is with the situation.
We both feel this is regressive, and in a way hindering her college experience and holding her back from being fully immersed in college life, and the possibility of being open to a more mature relationship (which she will not be, if she's still seeing this kid). I could really care less if she dates in college, but it's like she's going backwards, back to high school, when she should be going forward. When I expressed this to her, she assured me it was not true.

I feel this could be a mistake that she may look back on and regret (you don't get that first year or two of college back) and there's not a thing I can do about it since she won't listen to my reasoning... and she is 18 after all...   Does anyone see it my way? Or am I overreacting?



by on Feb. 20, 2013 at 11:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jthompson1976
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:26 AM
1 mom liked this

thats not to bad...

ebbierowe
by Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:31 AM
2 moms liked this
When dh and I started dating he was 15 and I was 17. That was 19 years ago. We are happy now were happy then. If she is happy and doing well in school I wouldn't worry
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wulfeyes05
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 12:34 AM
1 mom liked this
I think you should let her date him. She's happy, he's happy, just let them be happy together.
bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Feb. 21, 2013 at 1:23 AM
I agree it's a bit regressive and I would be a little disappointed in the choice if my DS had chosen to date someone younger when he went away to college last year for the same reasons, you want them to be free to experience college and not be tied down, ect. Then again, there are much worse things like dating an abusive jerk and worrying with her dating him a thousand miles away so I guess I would say ehh live with it. It prob won't last much longer?
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fammatthews4
by Trisha on Feb. 21, 2013 at 5:35 AM
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I honestly think you are over reacting.
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romalove
by Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 5:37 AM
4 moms liked this

We can't micromanage our teens this way.  It's one thing when they are 13, but your daughter is in college.  If she is happy you have to let your own feelings on this go.

SacFam5
by on Feb. 21, 2013 at 7:08 AM


Thank you for putting things into perspective.  It could be worse I guess, he could be 35!!  
I try to give her space and freedom to make her own choices at this point in her life.  It's a little more difficult as her father is quite disappointed in her choices, and I have to deal with him, but he's coming around a little more.  The first one to go off to college is tough, as the parenting does change!

By the way, I am new to this site.  Can you please tell me what these initials stand for that I am seeing everywhere?  DH, DS, DD, etc 

thanks!!

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

I agree it's a bit regressive and I would be a little disappointed in the choice if my DS had chosen to date someone younger when he went away to college last year for the same reasons, you want them to be free to experience college and not be tied down, ect. Then again, there are much worse things like dating an abusive jerk and worrying with her dating him a thousand miles away so I guess I would say ehh live with it. It prob won't last much longer?



fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Feb. 21, 2013 at 8:46 AM

I think you're over reacting.  She is in a much more mature relationship right now and with them seperated during school time she's not making out with some guy when she should be studying.  She's holding her own in college and enjoying her boyfriend during her time off.

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Feb. 21, 2013 at 8:47 AM

DH- Dear Husband
DD - Dear Daughter
DS - Dear Son
SD - Step Daughter
SS - Step Son
BM - Biological Mother
BF - Biological Father/Boyfriend

Quoting SacFam5:


Thank you for putting things into perspective.  It could be worse I guess, he could be 35!!  
I try to give her space and freedom to make her own choices at this point in her life.  It's a little more difficult as her father is quite disappointed in her choices, and I have to deal with him, but he's coming around a little more.  The first one to go off to college is tough, as the parenting does change!

By the way, I am new to this site.  Can you please tell me what these initials stand for that I am seeing everywhere?  DH, DS, DD, etc 

thanks!!

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

I agree it's a bit regressive and I would be a little disappointed in the choice if my DS had chosen to date someone younger when he went away to college last year for the same reasons, you want them to be free to experience college and not be tied down, ect. Then again, there are much worse things like dating an abusive jerk and worrying with her dating him a thousand miles away so I guess I would say ehh live with it. It prob won't last much longer?




Txlisa7969
by Bronze Member on Feb. 21, 2013 at 9:04 AM
1 mom liked this

I can give you a first hand perspective on it.  My late husband and I started dating in high school.  He was two years behind me but only a year and 2 months younger (his bday was in Sept and mine in July).  Granted I attended a local college so we still saw each other quite often but he was actually more mature than most of the college guys I met.  We were together a total of 10 years between dating and marriage when he passed away.  I never regreted a moment either.  I am not saying that they may one day marry like I and my late husband did but that don't sell her short.  It may just work for them.  If she is happy and doing well at school I would just let them be. 

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