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EDITED: Ok Moms, need some advice about adult son

Posted by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 2:06 PM
  • 17 Replies

Ok ladies, thank you so much for your input. Sabrtooth, my son really enjoyed yours especially.

He said he's going to break up with her, so not sure if he's going to follow through or not.  He appreciated all the input and so do I.  Shows that I'm not the one writing it all with the different personalities.  He's a sweet young man but always mixes himself up with the wrong girl, usually one with mental problems or drama queens. 


Ok, my step son is 24 years old. He is currently dating a girl, we will call her J and she's 21 years old.  Her current situation is desperate.  She lives with her mom and has recently mentioned that her relatives are going to be moving in too and she will be displaced.  They have been dating approx. 6 weeks.

Now, new development.  Maybe not new, but new to me.  J has a 5 year old son.  Here's the list of happenings.

At 16 J was emancipated from her parents so she could live with her BF, to whom she was engaged to.

At 16, J's BF at the time's mom(soon to be mil) died during childbirth to little brother K.

6 months later, the boy's father died (soon to be fil)

J and her BF lived in the house together, raising the little boy K.

When J was 18, J adopted K (not yet married to his big brother).

Approx. 6 months later, the BF died before they were married.

J was left with no home, no income, etc.  K was taken into foster care. This was 2011.

J was speaking to K on the phone and seeing him regularly, until recently, when my son came into the picture.

Apparently with the loss of her apartment and her moving into her mom's house, she must have missed a court date and now foster parents are not permitting her to see or speak to the little boy (5 years old) K.

J is unemployed, has no driver's license and wants my son to get an apartment so she can have hopes of getting her son (deseased boyfriend's little brother) back. 

I don't recall if she lives in KY or OH, they are on the line I think.

These are the facts handed to me. My son has asked me for advice and I have given him advice.  His entire family has given him advice.  I know his intentions.  I neither agree or disagree with his intentions. 

Give me your take on this.  I plan on sending him the link to this page so he can see your responses.  You can ask questions and I can answer them to the best of my ability.

ETA: No idea if these are actual facts, just what I'm being told.

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 2:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 27, 2013 at 2:24 PM
3 moms liked this
Omg, he needs to run, and run fast!. She sounds awful. No drivers license, job, and has a 5 year old and he was taken from her. Huge red flags.
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healingone
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 2:26 PM

OH My, what a caring son you have to even think of taking this on!!.  MOre later.  God Bless you, prayers, and gotta head to an appointment. 

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Feb. 27, 2013 at 2:30 PM

 

ETA: No idea if these are actual facts, just what I'm being told.

MamaSnaps
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 2:42 PM
1 mom liked this

My first instinct is that he needs to RUNNNNNNNN! But we all know that isn't going to happen-especially if you tell him that he needs to run.

They haven't been dating long and to be honest? It's a scary situation. You always know that there is more to the story than you are hearing. Plus she is pinning every bit of responsibility on him. 


First, why isn't K getting social security survivor's benefits? There should have been an income there.

I just feel like she's latching on to him and playing the sympathy card REALLY early on to keep him at her side. She needs to get up on her own two feet. I feel that supporting him to help her do that is good-the relationship might just be good, but jumping in to this head first is not good. But he can offer her other solutions and help and support in other ways.


First and foremost she needs a REAL plan instead of latching on to someone hoping that they will be the answer to all her hopes-that is setting both of them up for some serious misery down the line. She's got to put together a plan for HERSELF that is NOT dependant  on anyone but her. 

She needs to get a license, a job, an apartment, counseling... If she is desperately in need of a place to live she can get in the social services line. They'll help her and in many ways they can really help her to get on her feet. The welfare line isn't so lax these days and they require that you actually DO something like look for a job. Yes, there are millions who "look" for a job every day on welfare and play the system, however if she WANTS it-the help is there!! AND welfare does not mean that CPS won't allow you your children back. 

If you feel inclined to help her ask for all of the court information for the little guy and tell her that you will help her to make a plan, get on assistance, get a license, get a job and form a plan to get custody back, etc all while she and your son are building this relationship.  

Zamaria
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 2:45 PM
2 moms liked this
Visitation rights will not be suspended over one missed court date. There is more to the story than that. If she just missed one court date, all she had to do was contact her case worker and explain her circumstances and they would work it out, even if she had to have supervised visits for a while, which is highly unlikely. They also would not have taken her son into custody simply because she had to move in with her mom. If she had any safe place to stay, including staying at a friend's home or in a hotel or shelter, they would not take the child. There is much more to this story than you are being told.
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sabrtooth1
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 2:48 PM
3 moms liked this
This is a disaster. Also, the part about an unemployed, uneducated, unwed 18 year old being allowed to adopt a child is pure fiction. She wouldn't be allowed to adopt a dog! Getting laid regular is not worth all this. Plus, tell him he better watch out or HE will be the latest baby daddy.
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fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Feb. 27, 2013 at 2:53 PM

 I want to thank the mom's out there who have responded already.  I am hoping he will be willing to see this and see other people's points of view.

tyfry7496
by Silver Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:14 PM
1 mom liked this
Big red flags all over. Tell him to run, far and fast.

Unemployed, 18 year olds aren't allowed to adopt especially a non relatives child. The boyfriend would have had other relatives to take in the baby.

The child is probably biologically hers and was put in foster care because she can't take care of him. Why was she in foster care?
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LuckyMom822
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:27 PM

Only six weeks and she wants to move in together?? She was emancipated but she is living with her mom again but is conveniently being displaced? She adopted a child that wasn't hers when she was under the age of 21? The mom, dad, AND bf died?? She doesn't even have a drivers license or a job? Sounds like a movie! LOL! Run like the wind and don't look back!!!

atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:33 PM
1 mom liked this
The more I thnk about this she sounds like a compulsive liar and would could attempt to trap your son.


Quoting LuckyMom822:

Only six weeks and she wants to move in together?? She was emancipated but she is living with her mom again but is conveniently being displaced? She adopted a child that wasn't hers when she was under the age of 21? The mom, dad, AND bf died?? She doesn't even have a drivers license or a job? Sounds like a movie! LOL! Run like the wind and don't look back!!!


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