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TOSSING 17yr old SS's room; suspect pot, MORE!

Posted by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 4:53 PM
  • 32 Replies
1 mom liked this

Ladies, would REALLY appreciate your input, and pretty quick.   May be a bit sporadic so apologize in advance on this. So here's the deal.  And I've been thinking about this for a while, just didn't know how to approach you Ladies with it.  

1.  Evidence that StpSon's smoking in his room, bathroom, just not sure what all. Know cigs, suspect pot and something called SAGE   (SERIOUSLY?  I think they were even doing BASIL from garden last summer). 

2.  Found alcohol (major haul) in his bthroom earlier this week.  Confiscated all.

3.  Ashes, ashtrays, "bongs" have been found in his room for quite some time.  And JUST learned about an APPLE BONG (????). 2nd time I've seen it.  

4. Room has been a WRECK since last summer when things REALLY got bad. Somewhat.

5.  Boy has more hiding places in bed/bathroom, closet  than you can imagine.

6.  So ...tomorrow evening, when he's out late, Dad's agreed we're going to "toss" the room.  

7.  It's been HARD for Dad to GRASP all of this yet grade are KEY evidence other.

8.  Last summer, family friend stated it would be INVASION of stpson's privacy to "toss" his room.

9.  I'm to the point NOW ...he HAS NO privacy if he misues the Priv.

10.  Door about to be taken off of bedroom (Hubs thought that was extreme in the early stages).

11. Now I'm looking at taking off BATHROOM door as well  as it seems that's where MAJORITY of the smoking's going on. they think we're STUPID?  Stand up on the toilet, blow smoke up through the vent?  SERIOUSLY???

12.  Oh and THIS one kills me...BELOW freezing open? 

13.  More cologne spray than in Saks 5th Ave testers?

14.  Pillows, clothes, stuffed all around bunk bed FORT built?

15. What part of STUPID do you think I am...KID!!!

16.  Have recently BARRED friend of stpson's even going UP to his room.  "Sit your BUTT DOWNSTAIRS OR ...LEAVE ME HOME!".  They were smoking pot, up in stpson's room, b4 school...ADMITTEDLY by this other friend!

So here we stand.  Tomorrow evening, Dad's finally agreed to toss...take down his son's room.  And I HOPE it will be much better than IIII anticipate.  

IF we find major contraband, that's when I'm going to push EVEN forward that Dad just gives me Carte Blance in dealing with this kid.  To say that what EVER she says...GOES.

It will be an argument, no doubt, from the kid. 

But LADIES?  He's a Jr. in HS, "LEGAL MOTHER" (No where NEAR bio mom) is of NO help.

If IIII as step mom don't do something?  Houston, the Boy will have problems.

Counseling is in the works.

And MY BIO son, this boy's "big brother", has HAD it with him as for some of the MAJOR antics and "the boy just won't listen to common sense".

These are my thoughts.  Dad & I toss the room tomorrow evening. Find ...what we find.  Let HIM see it 1st hand.

Dad, since he's under SO much pressure at work, asked him to... TURN THE BOY OVER TO ME...let the boy know whatever I say...GOES.

I've been a GOOD stepmother to this kid. Helped him through ... A LOT.

And just for the Record, have taught him pretty much EVERYTHING a young man needs to know to include stop peeing the bed, your pants; SKARTs, proper table etiquette, how to be RESPECTFUL to Ladies, Elders...the list is endless.   

I fell in love with a WONDERFUL man...then his adoptive son came into my life.  As a MOTHER, it's MY job to do the best I can for this boy...and I'm doing it!

You're thoughts?

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 4:53 PM
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by New Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 5:02 PM

It is not his room. We made it clear to our daughter from the first time she said "her room" that EVERY room in the house was ours and we allow her to use them. She also knows that there is no expectation of privacy for her. All that being said you have to let your husband deal with his son and you back him up. You should privately confer but in front of SS dad is in charge. 

by Grumpy on Feb. 27, 2013 at 5:06 PM
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 My thoughts on privacy is that if you live in my home, be prepared to have no privacy.  Hubby doesn't even have privacy here, but that's mostly because we share a room :).

As far as "tossing" his room, does he share it with someone?  If not, get the bunk beds out of there.  If I found drugs, alcohol, etc. there would be stiff consequences.  Such as having no bedroom door.  If his bathroom is in his room, no door to that either.  No toys, books, etc. and would throw away everything that was related to anything illegal.  As it is, cigarettes are illegal for him right now. 

No computer, no friends, no nothing would be allowed for a set period of time when he has behaved. 

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 5:34 PM

 I agree you should be allowed to handle it and it sounds like rehab is in order

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 7:26 PM
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Everything you are planning is warrented.  Families are not democracies.  There is NOT an expectation of "privacy" where there are legal concerns, and mental and physical health is in question.  From many kids I've known, you must ALSO search the basement, garage, and his car.  Check around the back yard, as well.  SAGE is NOT what you put on a turkey;  it is probably synthetic marijuana, which is even DEADLIER than the real thing.  Read up.  Be aware that he may be stealing from you, or others, to buy his stuff.

I do not agree with another poster who says bio-dad must do it.  I've never understood why people think a LEGAL step-mother should not discipline ALL the children in her house.  I would.  If a man trusted me enough to marry me, he better trust my parenting, or we shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.  I DO agree that you BOTH need to do it.  Dad is copping out, and if you let him slide on this, he will end up feeling guilty, and not back you up.  This is NOT a case of good cop, bad cop. Plus, you are going to have to do random drug tests on your ss, and DAD will need to go in the can with him, and watch him pee in the cup.  You CANNOT AFFORD to allow him behind the wheel of a car, or have OTHER KIDS IN THE CAR WITH HIM, when he is high. Get ALL the medical and psychiatric intervention going before he turns 18, and can legally refuse.   After 18, you can STILL push the issue with the "my house, my rules" line, but be prepared to have him move out.

by Barbara on Feb. 27, 2013 at 7:51 PM
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To be honest, I agree with all the steps you are taking. He needs his room cleaned out, to lose his door and his privacy, structure and rehab/therapy to get his life in order NOW before it's too late.

Good luck. I hope your husband and his legal mother do support you, and I hope they don't end up being a hurdle to your step son getting the help he needs.

by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:56 PM

I would toss it. But then what are you going to do? Sounds like he needs a reality check like visiting the jail and having the crap scared out of him.

by Silver Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 8:05 AM

put smoke detectors all over maybe that would work

by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 1:48 PM


You cannot BELIEVE how much I appreciate your QUICK response to my post. More stuff than even I could have thought of.  

I copied ALL responses, sent to DH via email.  Txtd him to TAKE THE TIME TO READ THIS EMAIL AND GIVE IT THOUGHT!  He did and said "good info therein".  And he's ready to move MAJOR forward.   

And FYI, he IS  a good man, a GOOD father.  I just think it's taken him time to realize ...some things.

This AIN'T my 1st time around the Rodeo so I'm trying to save him, by taking all these PROACTIVE steps, from some of the pain/heartache my Ex & I went through.  Our son made some mistakes and HE, TOO, is trying to save "My little bro" from getting in major trouble and ALSO doesn't want to see my DH, the stepfather he RESPECTS, go thru "what I put MY Mom & Dad through!".

So, will keep you all posted as to how the "TOSSING OF THE ROOM" turns out this evening.  

Thanks again Ladies for all your support.  This is just a TOTALLY diff situation than dealing with my bio son.  

by Emily on Feb. 28, 2013 at 2:59 PM

The only thing is no matter how busy dad is at work he needs to be an equal partner in all of this.Just not words but action and physical presence also.

Good luck.

by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 3:23 PM

 Toss it. I do it all the time to my teen daughter. I caught her with pot about 4 mo ago. Now I toss anytime I feel like it, she is there when I do it. I like to see her seat. That being said she has passed the last 3 drug test I gave her. I think all this NO PROVACY for her helpped a lot. Good work momma keep it up

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