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Advice Needed: My 8 year old daughter given a detention for forgetting a pencil!!!

Posted by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 11:21 PM
  • 35 Replies

Does this happen to anyone else's elementary schoolers? Our children's school has the most rediculous policy, they give detentions for forgetting pencils, binders, homework, papers, books, and anything the child needs in his classroom. My daughter has recieved 18 in school detentions for things like forgetting he pencil, her binder, her planner, and one time she started a test too soon before the teacher said :'go' and got a detention. Then I talked with the pricincipal to no avail, nothing was done. 

I applied for a 504 plan and it was denied. I do not have much money so an attorney is my Last resort.  

My daughter came home from school yesterday and told me she almost peed in her pants because her math teacher would not let her use the bathroom, he told her if she wants to leave to go tot he bathroom that she will get a 10 minute in school detention, and that she should wait till after his class!!! I was really appalled to hear that. So I went to talk to the principal to no avail...

My doctors have written notes to the school to provide accomodations for my daugther and they are ignoring them. This is getting so rediculous Im ready to homeschool! Any advice is appreciated. 

by on Mar. 6, 2013 at 11:21 PM
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by Silver Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 3:21 AM
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Why is this in the teen section? But anyway, go to the super intendant, district, anyone. If nothing happens, homeschool.
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by Silver Member on Mar. 7, 2013 at 8:04 AM

tranfer to different class or school  to strict with an 8 yr old i understand want to teach lesson but maybe warnings first and preb her at home to make sure she goes prepared to school with all the right stuff check her back pack and do h w together

by Grumpy on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:09 AM
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 Have you talked to the school board?  That would be where I would go.  I understand the policy but they are taking it to the extreme.

by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:21 AM
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Refusing to let a kid go to the bathroom is unacceptable, imo. My sons teacher did that and he had an accident. I called and told her that he is to be allowed to go to the bathroom whenever he asks, immediately, and if I hear about him not being allowed to go again I would make sure the problem was taken care of. I also told her that if she felt like he was going too often, she should have let me know because that could be a sign of a physical problem, or it could be that I need to talk to him about it. But either way, he is to be allowed to go to the bathroom. I can't stand it when teachers do that.
as far as the detentions, I get that if its a repeated issue. She does need to try to remember her things. But it sounds like they are going way overboard with it. I would just insist that you be notified before she serves any type of detention. They will probably back off, since they don't like to call parents for that type of thing. In my experience, the school staff is used to telling the parent what is going to happen and then everyone just goes along with it. It doesn't have to be that way. You need to go in there with a good attitude, but be firm and tell the principal and the teacher what you expect. Don't back down. Be willing to compromise, be reasonable, but remember that teachers are good at taking control of the situation. They have to be in order to maintain control in the classroom. But you have to remember that its YOUR child, and you have the final say in what happens. If it continues to be an issue or they are unreasonable about it, talk to the administrator, the superintendent, the school board, whatever you need to do. If I remember correctly, refusing to allow a child to use the restroom is illegal. So you may start there if push comes to shove.
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by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:26 AM
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I would change schools or homeschool. I do not care for the rigidity of schools and the need to fit each student in a pretty little box stamped with the government's seal of approval. You would most likely do a much, much better job yourself.

by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:28 AM
Have you considered calling the local paper if talking to the school isn't working?
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by on Mar. 7, 2013 at 9:40 AM
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I understand being upset over the restroom policy, but if your daughter has had 18 detentions for forgetting supplies, she needs to come up with a system for remembering her necessary supplies.  Of course if there is a documented (by a professional) medical or behavioral issue that makes it more difficult for her to remember her materials, she should have help with remembering supplies, but since you've been denied a 504 plan, it doesn't sound like there is a documented medical or behavioral issue.  Teachers can't be expected to provide materials (pens, paper, binders) for all of their students every day.  Perhaps you could help to make sure she has these things before she leaves for school each morning, or teach her to keep them in a specified place so that she will remember to grab them each morning.  I know it can be tough to teach responsibility to young kids, but it's critical to teach them this when they're young so that they aren't struggling when they get to the upper grades.  *I teach high school.

Are the accomodations from the doctor that you mention for her to use the restroom (that's what I thought), or something to do with her forgetting things?  That would change my response.  The school would need to schedule a 504 meeting for that, which apparently they aren't working with you on, and that would be where they are out of line.

by Kimberly on Mar. 7, 2013 at 10:11 AM
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The detentions for forgetting supplies makes sense to me, especially if they are 10 minute detentions.   Students should have consequences for not being prepared for class.  It is her responsibility to have all necessary materials.

The Bathroom policy.... No Way would I stand for that.   I told my children that if they asked to go to the restroom and were denied, they had MY permission to walk out of class and go to the bathroom...then proceed directly to the office and call me.         That said,  I've volunteered enough in elementary classrooms to know that many students ask to use the bathroom several times a day.... if your daughter is known for this, that may be why the teacher is not allowing her to go.

Why was the 504 denied?  What issues does your DD have that requires special accomodations?

by Barbara on Mar. 7, 2013 at 10:56 AM
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You might want to consider posting this in the Elementary School Kids group:

by Barbara on Mar. 7, 2013 at 11:24 AM

Contact the District Office, in writing, of these issues.

Contact the Board of Education in your state with these issues too. Violating a doctor's order is a serious matter.

If you still get no response, I agree with going to the media and/or changing schools (charter, private, homeschooling).

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