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Advice please--My 18 year old wants more freedom and I just cant let go

Posted by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 6:59 PM
  • 32 Replies

Ok so hes 18 and wanting more freedom..I am not used to this and just dont know how to let go. I am lucky in the fact that he still will ask me if he can go out, and will respect that he has a curfew but came to me very upset that he is the only one(and i dont beleive that) who has to be home by midnight on weekends and 10pm on a school night. Helppppp 

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by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 6:59 PM
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by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 7:08 PM
4 moms liked this

I have that same rule for my 21, 20, 20 (just moved out) and 19 year old. If they are in school still the rules are even stricter.

I have small children at home, people coming and going makes the dogs bark, and sometimes wake the younger ones up. Plus, I can not sleep well if I know someone is going to be coming through my door. Being 18 doesn't make you an adult at home, the law may say you are but until you are paying your own bills, and making rent payments, either to me or your own place, you live by my rules.

by Kimberly on Mar. 15, 2013 at 7:33 PM

Your house, your rules.      You have to do what you are comfortable with.    I never had set curfews for my sons.  The time they were to come home depended on what they were doing.

by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 7:39 PM

Your house, your rules.  Doesn't matter what WE think.  Doesn't matter what HE thinks.

BUT in our house, once they were in college, we were generally OK with them using their own judgment.  They were ALWAYS respectful of us, and themselves.  They lived at home, commuted to college, and worked 24 - 32 hours per week on top of that.  They were very responsible about school and work, so they did not go out and party, or come in at all hours, especially when they knew they had to study, or get up early.

by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 7:59 PM

I have an 8 year old also and thats a huge part of the reason i dont want people in an out of my house as well as 2 dogs(and my small one is a BARKER). I am glad to see that im not the only mom who feels my house my rules, and i do beleive when he is done with HS he will need to chip in to the house. He is looking to poss join the navy, he has an apt with the recruter on mon.. i know that i will eventually have to let go and let him grow up but its not easy..hes my baby no matter how old he is!

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by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 8:14 PM

Is he still in school? I don't see a problem with that as long as he lives at home. It becomes a respect thing instead of a safety issue. 

by Susie on Mar. 15, 2013 at 8:24 PM
Out of hs and 18 I wanted courtesy if they were staying out late or not coming home, but no curfew after hs was over. 18 in hs, still bed at 9 or 9:30 on school night. Weekends if at friends can come home after midnight. Our oldest did not turn 18 till she graduated. Youngest turned 18 in January senior year. She was not out after midnight anyway. When I was in when I was in hs I was out after midnight on weekends and no cell phones. I wasn't wild, nor bad.

Our house was the party house, no alcohol. We had kids every weekend at our house when our dd's were in hs. Our dd's butterflys.
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by Silver Member on Mar. 15, 2013 at 8:30 PM

Many CITIES have a curfew of 10 PM on a school night. You're correct in not buying the "I'm the only one" story.

by Member on Mar. 15, 2013 at 8:34 PM
my daughter is 16 and she has a later curfew than that
by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 8:35 PM

Just FYI about the military, because I see so many people saying their kids are "considering" it after HS.  The military is drawing down.  The rules to advance, and be allowed to stay in, are tightening.   Enlistees WILL need an associates degree to be retained.  The military doesn't need as many new people, and they want better quality.  Those they DO take, had better be on the ball, or the only "job" they will get is peeling a potato, or filling a gas tank, and they will be out after their 4, no better off than when they went in.

by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 2:03 PM

 I think it is a little early for his age but the 2 of you will have to work it out

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