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Update to my "What do we do?" post

Posted by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 10:14 PM
  • 26 Replies
It has been one heck of a day. See previous post. My 16 yo ds who ran away last night after refusing to give up his phone for having bad grades and getting physical with my husband. Turns out he went to a friends house in our neighborhood to spend the night. I fully expected him to come home this morning to get his stuff, but he borrowed some clothes from his friend and went to school. I called and verified he was there. I figured he would come home after school and we would talk. An hour before school lets out my doorbell rings and it is DSS. Apparently he was lying and telling people that my husband punched and tried to chock my ds, someone reported it to social services. They went to the school and questioned not only my 16 year old, but my little 10 year old also, scared the crud out of my little guy. My husband did not punch or choke my son!! We do not get physical with our children. They were her 2 hours questioning everyone. I just cant believe this. We are good parents and we have never abused our children in any way shape or form.
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by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 10:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Mar. 15, 2013 at 10:33 PM

The odd's are in your favor that nothing, most likely, will come of it. 

atlmom2
by Susie on Mar. 15, 2013 at 11:19 PM
He would be in extra trouble for sicking DSS on you.
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bizzeemom2717
by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 11:52 PM
Have you all been to family counseling yet? Not just your son but all of you together? Boundaries need to be set it sounds like big time. I'm so sorry, I can't even imagine how upset you and your husband must be and your poor little guy, OMG! Hugs!
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GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Mar. 16, 2013 at 12:50 AM

What was the outcome of the two hour questioning? and how is your little guy? I would be livid if one of mine ever caused one of my other kids this type of stress. I've just seen that you are from North Carolina, are there any laws there that make it possible for DS to leave your house without you getting charged with neglect? In Australia once the child reaches 16 they can voluntairly leave their parents house and unless there are extreme circumstances (i.e self abuse, disabilites, mental health issues) they cannot be forced to return. In this case I would support you asking DS to leave. Note: I'm not supporting abandoning children, but if my son ever raised a hand to his father I wouldn't allow him to live in my home especially when he has younger siblings that I need to care for.

BelleVernonGirl
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 3:22 AM
2 moms liked this

See now it would ON...He lied and caused all that trouble just to keep his phone...hell no...Take EVERYTHING...Dr. Phil would tell you the only thing you are required to provide in his room is a mattress on the floor!!!

Good luck!

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Mar. 16, 2013 at 7:02 AM
This is not good. I would sit him down and have a heart to heart with him about how his little snit has affected each member of the family. Also with your DH being military, it probably won't end with yesterday's visit. It could very possibly be reported to his command and they will have to do their own investigation now. At least that's how it works in the Army, not sure how your DH's branch handles these types of things but I'd be prepared just in case.
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HopesNDreams
by Member on Mar. 16, 2013 at 7:07 AM
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My SD15 did the same thing to us. She was hoping to get sent to foster care - a situation that she imagined was a cross between Disney World and Leave it to Beaver. She thought she could get rid if us, have everyone's sympathy, and do whatever she wanted.

Children & Youth investigated and cleared us. However, they suggested we leave the case open so they could assist with SD! They felt she was spiraling out of control and they could help us to deal with her. They have tremendous resources and have been of great assistance.
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JenniferSq
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 7:29 AM

 We are going to talk to him, but it probably won't be till later today or tomorrow, we all need some time to cool off. 

My husband knows about the process the military will enact.  He has never had it directed at him, but he has been in the process with his Marines before. His command is already aware of the situation, he gave them a quick run down before he left to come home.  It will be a pain for him, but we have nothing to hide so I guess we will just have to deal with it.

Quoting fammatthews4:

This is not good. I would sit him down and have a heart to heart with him about how his little snit has affected each member of the family. Also with your DH being military, it probably won't end with yesterday's visit. It could very possibly be reported to his command and they will have to do their own investigation now. At least that's how it works in the Army, not sure how your DH's branch handles these types of things but I'd be prepared just in case.

 

JenniferSq
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 7:59 AM

 I wanted to type more about what happened last night but I was on my tablet and I can only stand typing so much on my tablet.

They first questioned me while waiting for my DH.  About what I saw happen, about how it all started.  See my son knew he was going to have a D, so he has been having an attitude for the past several days anticipating what he knows will happen as a result.  So he already had himself all worked up for report card day.  I told them about him refusing to give up his phone, about him getting physical with my husband when he tried to take the phone.  She said that his story didn't match mine,  well of course it didn't because if it did they wouldn't be here.

Then they tell me that my son has marks on his neck and a busted blood vessel in his eye and he was having trouble breathing.  And he said that my dh punched him in the chest and tried to choke him.  That boy did not have a mark on him when he walked out the door.  He walked right past me, I would have seen it.  And from what I witnessed there was no way my husband did that to him.  My husband was holding my ds trying to get the phone and that was it, he was trying NOT to hurt him  My son was the one being violent.  My husband was holding him like someone trying to calm someone down who is freaking out.

Anyway they then questioned my DH,  he told them what happened.  How he gave my son several opportunities to give up his phone before he tried to grab it from him.  How he was just trying to get the phone and would never hurt his children.

They questioned my 19 year old son who actually laughed out loud when the DSS workers told him that my DS said my DH punched him in the chest.  Told them that my dh would not do something like that.  They asked him how we discipline and he told them we take away privileges.

Then they questioned our neighbor who had nothing but good to say.

They made me take them around and show them our whole house, I guess looking for safety issues. 

They seemed to get the whole picture,  they are recommending that no further action be taken, but that DSS will stay involved for 45 days, they will come back and speak to us all again.  We have to take DS to the doctor this morning to have his eye checked and his breathing checked, since he claimed to have trouble breathing.  The only reason DSS is staying involved is because my ds and dh stories did not match and my ds said he is afraid of my dh.   Ds has always been a good actor -__-

Then she suggested that maybe we need to file a Undisciplined Juvenile Petition.  She said it is a scare tactic, but they take the kid in front of a judge and tell them how they could get in trouble for this and that that they have done, and this boy has done a lot in his past.

I'm so upset right now I can barely stand to look at my DS.  He is all walking around moping like he is the victim after bringing this down on our family.  We live in a small community too, so I am sure in no time we will be getting dirty looks and have a bad reputation, though we did nothing.

Quoting GleekingOut:

What was the outcome of the two hour questioning? and how is your little guy? I would be livid if one of mine ever caused one of my other kids this type of stress. I've just seen that you are from North Carolina, are there any laws there that make it possible for DS to leave your house without you getting charged with neglect? In Australia once the child reaches 16 they can voluntairly leave their parents house and unless there are extreme circumstances (i.e self abuse, disabilites, mental health issues) they cannot be forced to return. In this case I would support you asking DS to leave. Note: I'm not supporting abandoning children, but if my son ever raised a hand to his father I wouldn't allow him to live in my home especially when he has younger siblings that I need to care for.

 

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Mar. 16, 2013 at 8:05 AM
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Good, I'm glad he's aware of what could happen and has talked to command already. Like your DH, mine has gone through this with his soldiers as well. I just wanted you to be aware just in case. Good luck with everything and hang in there.

Quoting JenniferSq:

 We are going to talk to him, but it probably won't be till later today or tomorrow, we all need some time to cool off. 


My husband knows about the process the military will enact.  He has never had it directed at him, but he has been in the process with his Marines before. His command is already aware of the situation, he gave them a quick run down before he left to come home.  It will be a pain for him, but we have nothing to hide so I guess we will just have to deal with it.


Quoting fammatthews4:

This is not good. I would sit him down and have a heart to heart with him about how his little snit has affected each member of the family. Also with your DH being military, it probably won't end with yesterday's visit. It could very possibly be reported to his command and they will have to do their own investigation now. At least that's how it works in the Army, not sure how your DH's branch handles these types of things but I'd be prepared just in case.

 

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