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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

The hardest part for me about having a teen son is not knowing.

Posted by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 9:11 AM
  • 12 Replies

 Not knowing if this is a normal teenage phase or something more serious.

Ds completly shuts us out. he claims he has a girlfriend yet i never see her and i'm not allowed to even know her name. Really son? i give my all taking care of you and now i'm just cut right out of his life. Like i don't even deserve to know anything about him anymore. Don't dare hug him or expect a hug from him. Don't dare spend time with him.This is just one thing(why is he so closed off to us?) in a myriad of things that i've been worried about for so long such as his grades and rude jokes. he acts like we as his parents don't deserve the time of day. He don't seem to know how to socialize with the adult world. Does fine with his friends but i remember shortly after having my third child, (ds was 15 and i was having another baby) the nurse asked him politely as ever " so how do you like your new brother?" and he just stares with this look on his face like he's mad at her and he don't answer peoples questions when asked. he just sits there quite with a mean look on his face. he wasn't looking this way because he was jealous about the little brother, he responds this way quite often with adults  and its so embarassing. We've talked to him about it but i suspect us shining a light on that behavior makes him feel bad about himself (not the result I want) but yet he continues to act that way. I don't even think he realizes what his face looks like. i don't think the stare he has is meant as intentional. its just wierd and I don't know what to think about it. I suspect he's just highly uncomfortable and thats the reaction you get due to his discomfort in talking to adults he don't know. There so many things i question about ds but its too much to put in one post. Does any of this sound familiar to anyone with teen sons?

by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 9:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Mar. 18, 2013 at 11:02 AM

No.   If asked a question by an adult, my sons would answer politely.  To not do so would be rude.   My 19 yr old has mild Aspergers and has difficulty looking people in the eye and talking to strangers, but he would never ignore someone speaking to him.     He will also avoid being hugged and touched by most people, but he allows me to hug him.




Hannahluvsdogs
by Bronze Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 11:13 AM
3 moms liked this

Not wanting to spend time with you or tell you what's going on, bad grades, rude jokes, and not knowing how to talk to adults sounds like normal teen boy behavior to me. You do need to put a stop to the rudeness with adults though. It sounds like he often doesn't know what to say, in those cases you can pull him aside after, let him know what he did specifically that was rude (a look he gave, not answering, etc.), and suggest things he could say in the future instead of being silent. Sometimes kids really don't know what to say in certain situations because their parents or an older sibling has always spoken for them. And teens especially can be sensitive about saying the wrong thing and being embarrassed. As long as you're clear that it's his behavior that upsets you, not him, and you're giving him a way to handle the situation better in the future, you don't need to worry about his self-esteem. When he isn't rude he'll be getting a better response from the people around him and that will help him feel better about himself.

6StarsOnly
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 11:54 AM

I am having very similar situations going on in my home with my 14 year old son. He has shut us out and whenever I go to his room to try to talk, he claims I am "stalkng" him. As for his language, he uses fowl curse words. When we tell him to stop he doesn't listen. We have taken things away and that hasn't helped.

I know some of it is a phase he's going through (none of which I mentioned).

Still he makes my husband and I feel as if he hates us.

You can pm me anytime if you want to vent. I know what you are going through and how it feels to have a son act this way. Sometimes I feel as if it is only my son that acts this way and I have done something wrong in raising him.

You are not alone.

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Mar. 18, 2013 at 12:51 PM
No my DS always knew how to speak to adults, he never shut us out either, but that wasn't his personality. I'm sorry.
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christina259
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:41 PM

 

Quoting 6StarsOnly:

I am having very similar situations going on in my home with my 14 year old son. He has shut us out and whenever I go to his room to try to talk, he claims I am "stalkng" him. As for his language, he uses fowl curse words. When we tell him to stop he doesn't listen. We have taken things away and that hasn't helped.

I know some of it is a phase he's going through (none of which I mentioned).

Still he makes my husband and I feel as if he hates us.

You can pm me anytime if you want to vent. I know what you are going through and how it feels to have a son act this way. Sometimes I feel as if it is only my son that acts this way and I have done something wrong in raising him.

You are not alone.

 Thanks i appreciate that. :)

karenb941
by Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 3:07 PM

I know how you feel, my DS17 is like a stranger.  It's so upsetting.

christina259
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 3:18 PM

 

Quoting karenb941:

I know how you feel, my DS17 is like a stranger.  It's so upsetting.

 It really is and its like a slow pain that gets worse because it starts and sometimes goes on for years. thats the way its been for me.

Mommabird123
by New Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 3:35 PM
1 mom liked this

Some of this sounds  like normal teen male behavior.  My son still likes attention - just doesn't ask for it.  He isn't so into hugging but seems to still like being patted on the arm, back or having his hair tusseled occasionally.  This was hard for me since I was a very physically affectionate mama.  He still tells me stuff that upsets him but I can tell that it's not so easy anymore. It seems like he's really chewed on things for a while before I hear about them. Have you tried doing something with your son?   Lot's of conversations seem to start when I am doing something with my son like moving firewood or when we're driving longish distances in the car.  

atlmom2
by Susie on Mar. 18, 2013 at 3:44 PM
Is this new behavior or has he always been this way? I have girls and they have always been open. My 21yo tells me more than I wanna know.
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christina259
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 4:48 PM

 

Quoting atlmom2:

Is this new behavior or has he always been this way? I have girls and they have always been open. My 21yo tells me more than I wanna know.

 started slowly in his early teens and just slowly go worse. maybe  13 is when I really began to notice or 14? he's 16 now. He is worlds different behavior wise towards me. he used to write me sweet notes and hug me and we always spent time together at the end of the night. Although i think i began to bore him as he got older with our "hang out" times. At the time i thought thats all it was and it didn't bother me as long  as  he was happy but now i wish i had those times back.

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