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Hostile Funerals OT but need advice

Posted by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 4:47 PM
  • 8 Replies

 The last hostile funeral I went to was for a friend of mine's son.  Undesirables who have a vendetta against me went but because of who it was standing with me (large and in charge hubby and father of the departed) I was left alone.

Now I have another funeral to go to and a viewing tonight.  For a friend of mine's father.  Since hubby is out of town and this is something I don't think my other friend will go to, I'm on my own.  These people are not criminals but they are very nasty to me.  Normally I wouldn't go, but I knew him and really liked him and am doing grieving of my own. 

How would you handle it if they got loud in their disgust for you, got into your face or attempted to keep you from entering?  I know all three daughters and 2 of them very well.  They both want me there.  But these are also VERY good friends (or so she thinks) of my friend.

by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 4:47 PM
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by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 5:06 PM

 I would hope everyone can show respect at a funeral.

If not maybe just go and show your respect maybe ask the security person from the funeral home go in with you if you explain they should have no problem doing it.  

If they still try to start something just leave

by Barbara on Mar. 19, 2013 at 5:13 PM

I would try to keep my head held high and try to ignore that kind of behavior. Hopefully they'll end up being adults and act respectful of the occasion. Good luck!

by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 7:03 PM
Who doesn't want you there? If the immediate family does then I wouldn't worry about anyone else
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by Trisha on Mar. 19, 2013 at 7:23 PM

Since the family wants you there I would go.  Hopefully these other people will choose to act like adults and not hassle you.

by Kimberly on Mar. 19, 2013 at 7:35 PM

I would tell them that you are there to pay your respects, and they should do the same.   A funeral is no place for hostility.  

by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 7:43 PM

I'd very quietly say that "this is not the time or the place for this" and keep walking. I doubt they're going to make a scene, but I suppose it could happen. Usually people keep their mouths shut out of respect for the family and I'd expect that it will be the same for this. 
If they do make a scene I'd leave-don't allow the scene out of respect for your friends-and give your friend a call to express your condolences and explain that you were there when so-and-so said something you left to avoid any scene or stress to her. 

by Grumpy on Mar. 19, 2013 at 11:44 PM

 Went to the viewing tonight.  What a disaster.  I wasn't the "center" of the turmoil but my goodness has funeral edicate deteriated that much???  I honestly expected the booze and a boombox to pop out of no where!

I did have some issues with the undesirables.  Those would be friends of my friend.  They decided to try to passively aggressively harrass me.  They hovered close to me, in my space, crowding me no matter where I went.  And if you want to know why they don't like me, it's because I used to be in the motorcycle organization with them (not a club) and I didn't agree with how they ran it and I left (they said they kicked me out). 

Life moved on for me today.  I couldn't even get close to the casket to pay my respects, but not that it was much because it was a closed casket.  I will be at the funeral tomorrow.

by Emily on Mar. 19, 2013 at 11:57 PM

Sorry for the loss of your friend and sorry for the buffoon's.I' glad you went and very glad you kept your head held high and your dignity.

They are buffoons and really you got to wonder about people that use a funeral as a place to show dislike.

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