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My kid's girlfriend is using him!

Posted by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 10:22 PM
  • 13 Replies
I don't mind my son dating, he is 16 and he is pretty responsible. But he is currently dating this girl at his school, Meg, and my problem with her is she seems to be using him. He wont believe anything I say about her, he always defends her but heres some of the stuff she does. She never pays on dates, she claims to be broke but since he wants to see her he'll always pay for whatever movie or resteraunt or whatever she wants to go to. (He has a job so its his own money but he blows so much on her) and she also often says she's too busy to see him. And the few times shes been over the house she really doesn't seem to like him that much, but he's clearly crazy about her. The one thing he has admitted he doesn't like about her is that she never opens up to him, like about stuffthats bothering her. But anyway, I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to him and he refuses to believe she's using him, and I also don't want to force him to dupmp her or anything. I just wish he could see what's going on, and at least stand up for himself when stuff bothers him. Which it does.
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 10:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 1:05 AM
1 mom liked this
My only suggestion is to tell him, well now that your working, I want half your money to me for board; so that it drastically cuts down on how much he can spend on her. Make him responsible for paying for his excursions, his lunches, his hygiene supplies. Limit his time also so he can only see her outside of school twice a week, and only when you say he can. She'll get bored soon and leave.
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02nana07
by Ida on Mar. 21, 2013 at 10:23 PM

 I never paid when I was dating so I don't see a problem there if he wants to see her and is willing to pay for the date. 

MamaSnaps
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 10:39 PM
1 mom liked this

The more you say about her the more attractive she's going to get for him. You are making a huge mistake by saying ANYTHING negative about her. It's a recipe for rebellion at that age. Especially in the genuinely good kids who haven't rebelled in any other way. 

You need to be very careful about being supportive in a positive way. Allow him to say the negatives-like something that bothers him-and then support him. "Well, if it bothers you then you need to talk with Meg about it. You have to change it or it will only get to be a bigger problem." When he says something positive be equally as supportive. 
I've learned that the rotten apples manage to go away on their own if you remain positive. If not, they seem to take forever to rot away!!! And man do they make your life hell then. I've seen it with the 3 adult children and the 17 year old's exes. I learned the hard way with ONE and she still is haunting me (and my son) to this day. I think it's been about 3 years now.  

sabrtooth1
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 11:14 PM

I never paid for anything when I was dating--neither did my dds, untill they'd been with their SO's for years.  As far as I'm concerned, one of the reasons for dating is for the boy to show he's hard-working, motivated, and good with money.  

Too many girls today "go out" with a boy on a date that involves a couch in his parents' basement, and then when they turn up pregnant, bemoan the fact that he has no job, no ambition, and they have no where to live EXCEPT in that basement.

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Mar. 21, 2013 at 11:18 PM

It is so hard to sit and watch it happening and not be able to intervene!   Sometimes, life lessons have to be learned the hard way.    When he does accept the reality, he will need a soft place to land.... YOU.




lakerfan420
by Jamie on Mar. 22, 2013 at 5:00 AM
I never paid when I went out with dh, but only because he wouldn't let me. I always made sure I had my own money though. My only dd that dates always brings money, but he doesn't let her pay either. Sometimes that bothers her, but then she remembers how blessed she is to have a real guy who won't let her pay or open her own door.
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lakerfan420
by Jamie on Mar. 22, 2013 at 7:29 AM
I disagree with this. I can see making him save half of it, but making him buy stuff mom would still be buying if he wasn't dating someone mom felt was untrustworthy seems wrong to me. Now if the deal was he starts getting some of his own stuff or really pricey stuff that mom doesn't buy, that's different. This just seems like punishing him because mom doesn't like the girlfriend. Now as far as limiting time together, that I'm for. I like my dd's bf, and yet we (us and his parents too) only let them get together every other day.



Quoting GleekingOut:

My only suggestion is to tell him, well now that your working, I want half your money to me for board; so that it drastically cuts down on how much he can spend on her. Make him responsible for paying for his excursions, his lunches, his hygiene supplies. Limit his time also so he can only see her outside of school twice a week, and only when you say he can. She'll get bored soon and leave.


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GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 7:57 AM

Well how I operated with my daughter was if she had enough money to blow on her friends/boyfriends then she had enough money to help with her bills, pay for her own phone, get to her own (un mandatory) excursions, etc. She learned that if she wanted money for herself, she needed to curb how much she spent on others. It was a worthwhile lesson.


Quoting lakerfan420:

I disagree with this. I can see making him save half of it, but making him buy stuff mom would still be buying if he wasn't dating someone mom felt was untrustworthy seems wrong to me. Now if the deal was he starts getting some of his own stuff or really pricey stuff that mom doesn't buy, that's different. This just seems like punishing him because mom doesn't like the girlfriend. Now as far as limiting time together, that I'm for. I like my dd's bf, and yet we (us and his parents too) only let them get together every other day.



Quoting GleekingOut:

My only suggestion is to tell him, well now that your working, I want half your money to me for board; so that it drastically cuts down on how much he can spend on her. Make him responsible for paying for his excursions, his lunches, his hygiene supplies. Limit his time also so he can only see her outside of school twice a week, and only when you say he can. She'll get bored soon and leave.




fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Mar. 22, 2013 at 8:20 AM

 Why don't you sit down and talk to him and find out what's so special about this girl.  Why is he so crazy about her?  The answers might surprise you.

 

lakerfan420
by Jamie on Mar. 22, 2013 at 8:37 AM
Oh I definitely agree with that, but then you already had this plan in place. If this mom doesn't, then it's just going to appear like it's only because of the girlfriend. If he just recently started working she could maybe pull it off. My oldest tutors and usually makes anywhere from $50-120 a week. She saves on her own and asked us to stop giving her an allowance once she really got going. I still buy her hygiene needs when I shop for all of ours, but she buys her own makeup and extra wants, along with contributing $25 a month for her cell phone to have faster internet. But like you we had this in place once she really started making regular money, not all of a sudden because we were unhappy with some aspect of her life. That was what I was saying.


Quoting GleekingOut:

Well how I operated with my daughter was if she had enough money to blow on her friends/boyfriends then she had enough money to help with her bills, pay for her own phone, get to her own (un mandatory) excursions, etc. She learned that if she wanted money for herself, she needed to curb how much she spent on others. It was a worthwhile lesson.



Quoting lakerfan420:

I disagree with this. I can see making him save half of it, but making him buy stuff mom would still be buying if he wasn't dating someone mom felt was untrustworthy seems wrong to me. Now if the deal was he starts getting some of his own stuff or really pricey stuff that mom doesn't buy, that's different. This just seems like punishing him because mom doesn't like the girlfriend. Now as far as limiting time together, that I'm for. I like my dd's bf, and yet we (us and his parents too) only let them get together every other day.






Quoting GleekingOut:

My only suggestion is to tell him, well now that your working, I want half your money to me for board; so that it drastically cuts down on how much he can spend on her. Make him responsible for paying for his excursions, his lunches, his hygiene supplies. Limit his time also so he can only see her outside of school twice a week, and only when you say he can. She'll get bored soon and leave.







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