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I checked her phone...13yo daughter is heading down the wrong path...Help!!!

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Please advise... asap!

Looking at my daughter's phone last night, since she has been on it a LOT lately.  She knows I check her text messages, so I looked at other social media apps and all the texting she has been doing.  She seems to be starving for attention from boys.  She texts them constantly and freaks if they don't answer right away....super, super NEEDY.  She told one how bad her life is, that her parents are fighting, she's "in a bad time", she doesn't know what to do... and that she is going to CUT herself.  The boy is begging her not to do it, and she says "too late".   This is all a LIE.  She was on spring break trip with a friend when she wrote this!  We are not fighting!!  And she doesn't cut herself!  I would know, we were just at the dermatologist and she had to strip down to her undies b/c of her eczema, etc. (sensitive skin).  She doesn't cut, she just wants him to think she does!  Now I know why she's wearing jackets & hoodies all the time.  Not to hide the cuts but to hide the fact that she is lying.  Then... after telling this same boy how much she LOOOVES him over and over, the very next week she has moved on to another boy....pestering him, flattering him to no end.  She is also cursing like a sailor and gossiping BAD about other girls!

a little background...I check her texts periodically, and I thought they were a little "needy" before, but not this bad.  She has been in dance since she was 4yo.  About a month ago, we found out she has a fracture in her back and mild scoliosis; we are seeing a spine specialist next week.  So, I know part of this is that she is BORED.  She's not at the dance studio 3-4 nights a week.  So first thing, she needs to be busier, but not in anything physical. I expected that she would be a little emotionally "down" for a bit b/c of this injury (although I have kept a real positive attitude about it with her, "You're going to heal up just  fine, We got this!")  Second, I plan to take away her phone tonight, but that will not fix the desire for attention...I need suggestions!  I think my husband needs to show her more attention, tell her she's pretty, but that's just not his style... he's always telling her he loves her though, giving hugs, etc... My sons didn't have all this social media crap.  My stomach is just in knots and I am at a loss of what to do. 

Sophie Irene
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 10:23 AM
Replies (21-21):
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:39 AM
I would as you planned by taking away the phone but I would say to her you can earn it back if this and this etc happens. I will say I don't buy my kids a phone till they are at least 16 and I go very basic with there is no Internet on there is o way to send nor receive picture or video text at all. I have it where the phone is checked in and out my check in time is 8 on weekdays cause of school. I then say to my child if it is something you wouldn't say in front of me then you shouldn't text it. Every night I read all the messages and if any are deleted she is grounded a day for everyone she deleted as I can see nightly on myverizon how many text she did and had that day. Then I delete the messages after I have read them unless there is one I feel we need to sit down and talk about.if I have to talk to her about she can't have the phone for a few days. If I call and you don't answer you better call me back in 5 mins or you are grounded from the phone a day for every min you didn't I am understanding that if my child maybe in a class they aren't going to text me or call me back so I use judgement calls on the 5 min thing. I charge the phone in my room at night every night so they can't blame it on the battery died. Then if they haven't lost a day off the phone I give it back to them in the morning before school with the messages from that day deleted this way I don't get I swear I didn't delete my messages it just got super full so the phone must of just deleted them. I will say this far it is working as she likes having her phone. If she text during the time she is in class or should be in a class I give 2 warnings on this before they lose the phone for a day. I hope this helps maybe a little
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