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DS 15yo, is driving me insane. Still....

Posted by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 10:11 PM
  • 15 Replies

VENTING - but suggestions appreciated.

So Mr. Suicidal, had a relatively good week. The therapist said I  should start pushing him a little to get back on track wit hschool work yesterday. I asked for two subjects and he got that done. He even went to Boy Scouts, of his own accord, NO pushing at all and had a GREAT time. 

Today?? FUKKKKKKK MEEEEEEEEEE....I asked the same thing....Two subjects....1 page of math (usually he does 2) and either Science or Health. He also does Japanese but that's his "fun" elective that he LOVES so that's not one I've required.  

He had a FIT! TOTALY HISSY fit about the math. I told ALL the kids, no video games until your subjects are done. He sat down, did a little, then started trying to negotiate...It says the last four are optional - do I have to do them? Yes, I have always told you to at least TRY them, they are challenge problems. Usually he has NO problem with them!  THen, it's can I do them tomorrow but play tonight? Umm..NO.  I will HELP you do it tonight and get it over with. If you had done it and not tried to negitiate, you would have been done by now! 

Then he gets mad and through gritted teath MUTTERING  it stresses him out, it's  too much, he CANT do it. 

Again, I offer to help him (which he totally doesn't need) and that pisses him off MORE.

He storms off saying I just don't get it. So I gave him time to cool off- about 2 hours later, I go to his room and he takes a while getting to the door. Once he answers, he finally admits he was playing video games on his computer in his room.  

Consequence- I removed the power cord from his computer and took his cell phone (also has video games on it) 

So now he's been hiding in his room, he tied his blankets to the top rail of his loft bed like he was going to hang himself.  Then he would come out and bring me things- like he walked out, didn't say anything, but made a scene of putting  the cross he got from church on his Confirmation on a table in the living room where I was cleaning things up.. A lil while later I heard his door open, he put his bibles and a study guide out on the floor in the hall. 

I went in and asked if he wanted to calland talk to his therapist. He said no, he hates him and he's not solving anything. He just does meditationand calms him down but isn't changing anything. 

Again, left him alone. Now he's out here, still obviously pised, but eating dinner nad watching TV with the other two kids. 




Jinx - Homeschooling, Scouting & Karate butt-kicking  Mom to Star Scout Ian 1/98, Scout Sean 9/00, Junior GS Heidi 4/03. Wife to Joe & Alpha to German Shepherd Spazz.

by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 10:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 3:22 AM

I don't have a suicidal child so please please correct me if I'm wrong - but is there a reason why you didn't take him to the ER or ring his therapist at the first sign of him looking like he was going to hang himself? Is his computer in his room connected to the internet at all? Could he be finding behaviours online (that's what my DD did in order to "make us see that she had a problem" - I knew she had mild problems - I just didn't want to overreact and give her the attention she was pleading for; and I had newborn twins at the time - so she (on her private computer) googled ideas and ended up running away from school and texted me saying she was going to run into the traffic to make us help her).

lazyd
by Bronze Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 10:16 AM

Ok, ive dealt with a suicidal teen and the last thing you do IS LEAVE THEM ALONE!!!  Maybe the WHOLE family needs therapy???  Dont ask your son what he wants - you call his therapist or take him straight to the er.  He may be "playing" with you - but this is NO JOKE!!  Take any and all clothing, blankets, belts, etc that he can hang himself with.  He may think it's just a joke to get a reaction out of you but he'll hang himself "accidentally" and not be able to get out of what he did, cuz you left him alone!!  And I hope you dont call him "Mr. Suicidal" to his face??  This is NOT a joke!  You are allowing your son to walk all over you and you ARE NOT taking this seriously.  Take his "loft" bed out of his room and put the mattress on the floor.  I cant believe you left him alone for two hours - or did you check up on him??  I think you are the mom that needs therapy.  If your son wants to "sulk" than he needs to do it in a corner of the room where he doesnt have access to anything and you can keep an eye on him.

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 10:35 AM
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I have to wonder how much of this is his way of controlling things? 

I say this because he is so methodical about what he is doing. Please don't think I am saying he isn't suicidal, there is no way for me to know and I can only go off what you vent to us about, but suicidal people usually try to hide it from the people in their lives. Not shove it in their face. 

He really sounds like he knows exactly what to do, and how far to push to get his way. Whether it get's him his way or not. 

I have no clue what to say, it's got to be a crappy postition to be in. 

lakerfan420
by Jamie on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:34 AM
I'm sorry mama, I'm going to admit I honestly have no clue what you're going through. However, if he had already done what was required, why not negotiate a little on the optional stuff? Something like ok you got this done so you have an hour of free time and then try the optional questions. I know some are against that but my take is they're going to be on their own soon, so teach them how to manage their own time. My younger dd spends a lot of time on homework, and will usually break it into sections. A. It stresses her out less and B. She tends to work better that way. If she tried to get her math done and then go directly to science, her work in science would not be as good as when she takes a break and comes back refreshed. Just a thought.
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MrsRinehart2010
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:39 AM

 im sorry but being one who went threw the same crap at that age sounds like alot of bluff to get you to give hime what he wants he is now using that as an excuse to bully you.

Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:48 AM
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Re: the hanging threat, there is no way it would have worked. 1) the knots were a joke, he is a Boy scout and could have done it better 2) it's too short. The rail is about neck height.

No, I did not leave him alone more than a minute or two at a time. We have removed all belts, ropes, pocket knives, etc. It is VERY MUCH a control issue. I'm not running to the therapist every time DS has a temper tantrum.

I'm also not giving in and letting DS play me. Once he calmed down he came and apologised and had a good evening.

PS...I woke up at 5:20 this morning, guess who was at the table doing his math @@ Uugggg.
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Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:54 AM
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This kid has it easy. I will not negotiate further!

He is supposed to do math, literature, grammar, science, health, and Japanese. Last semester he had two additional classes and managed fine.

Yesterday, due to his "stress" I asked for math, and one other subject. Not too much, and no negotiating. He had no time frame, finish in order to play video games. Simple.

PS: we use a Homeschool charter. He gets an assignment sheet Monday, it is due Friday. I check in daily just to make sure some is done daily, but he works when and how he wants. No pressure.


Quoting lakerfan420:I'm sorry mama, I'm going to admit I honestly have no clue what you're going through. However, if he had already done what was required, why not negotiate a little on the optional stuff? Something like ok you got this done so you have an hour of free time and then try the optional questions. I know some are against that but my take is they're going to be on their own soon, so teach them how to manage their own time. My younger dd spends a lot of time on homework, and will usually break it into sections. A. It stresses her out less and B. She tends to work better that way. If she tried to get her math done and then go directly to science, her work in science would not be as good as when she takes a break and comes back refreshed. Just a thought.
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boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Mar. 23, 2013 at 1:33 PM


Quoting luckysevenwow:

I have to wonder how much of this is his way of controlling things? 

I say this because he is so methodical about what he is doing. Please don't think I am saying he isn't suicidal, there is no way for me to know and I can only go off what you vent to us about, but suicidal people usually try to hide it from the people in their lives. Not shove it in their face. 

He really sounds like he knows exactly what to do, and how far to push to get his way. Whether it get's him his way or not. 

I have no clue what to say, it's got to be a crappy postition to be in. 

Well said!  This was what I was thinking, as well.




drfink
by Emily on Mar. 23, 2013 at 4:16 PM


Quoting boys2men2soon:


Quoting luckysevenwow:

I have to wonder how much of this is his way of controlling things? 

I say this because he is so methodical about what he is doing. Please don't think I am saying he isn't suicidal, there is no way for me to know and I can only go off what you vent to us about, but suicidal people usually try to hide it from the people in their lives. Not shove it in their face. 

He really sounds like he knows exactly what to do, and how far to push to get his way. Whether it get's him his way or not. 

I have no clue what to say, it's got to be a crappy postition to be in. 

Well said!  This was what I was thinking, as well.

yup just keep watching closely.

drfink
by Emily on Mar. 23, 2013 at 4:23 PM

also ....please take this as intended not mocking at all but as I read all your posts all I could think of is think of was how very smart and clever your son is.No excuse for not getting his work done and without a hassel.Smart kid.

If he is smart enough to attemp to mannipulate his way out he is smart enough to do whatever it maybe.We have this with chores sometimes and I tell them that ,mean mom that I am  ; )

Good Luck

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