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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

UPDATED: How to interact with a "stranger" in the house?

Posted by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:38 PM
  • 30 Replies

 Ok, so my son has become a stranger.  A hateful, brooding, mean, spiteful, and hurtful stranger.  It has gotten to the point where I don't even want to be around him and feel like a prisoner in the house.  You can't leave him alone because he will trash something, you can't take him anywhere because of his attitude. 

School is canceled tomorrow and when I heard I just cried.  That's how bad I feel.  I might not feel this way if I didn't have 2 funerals this week, extra stress from all of that plus some, but I just feel like I have a hostile stranger around the house.

What should I do?  Hubby can't take the day off and I can't lock myself downstairs (basement is my space) because I have 2 other kids he will terrorize if I do.  I'm just beside myself.

I explained to all three children today I am not going to be disrespected anymore.  The girls I don't have a huge problem with it.  I told him that I am not going to take it and if he does it then he will have to wait outside for his father to come home (he's due  home for lunch but I would have called him to tell him to come home immediately).  I told him to do something constructive.  To better himself or others or to help himself or others and he needs to come out of his room to do it, then to ask me.

Found him 10 minutes later back in bed.  I told him that it wasn't constructive and he said he was going to study.  Asked him what chapter he was on.  I don't know.  I asked if he used the book in class (some teachers don't use the book), yes.  How do you not know what chapter you're on?  I don't know.  I told him that if he misses another assignment in either English or History he's going to fail the class (which is true.  He is less than .2 away from an F).  Then I told him that he's not going to hurt me anymore and I'm not going to let him be mean to me anymore.

THAT'S when he blew up.  Started screaming at me, about how he hates me, can't stand me, hates the sight of me, he can't stop me from abusing and hurting him.  I asked him how it is that I hurt and abuse him, and he through his textbook at me.  So yeah.  He went outside.

Then he took off.   After 30 minutes of looking for him he was on the porch when I got home.  The COVERED FRONT PORCH.  Now he's on the UNCOVERED back porch banging around because he's cold and it's wet.  It's like he TRIES to make himself more miserable.  He was not told he couldn't be on the front porch, in fact, I'm doing laundry and the dryer vent is there and he would be WARM there.  But no he's on the back porch getting wet.

by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:44 PM
2 moms liked this
Sounds like he may need a temp out of home placement if things are that bad? I know it sounds harsh, but if you are afraid to leave him alone or with your other children what are your other options?
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boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Mar. 25, 2013 at 12:06 AM
2 moms liked this

Tell him to stay in his room and be miserable by himself, if he trashes his own room, so be it.




Zamaria
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 12:49 AM
Exactly what I would do. Send him to his room unless he acts like a decent human being.


Quoting boys2men2soon:

Tell him to stay in his room and be miserable by himself, if he trashes his own room, so be it.


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Zamaria
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 12:49 AM
How old is he?
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GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 1:21 AM

When mine used to get mouthy or grumpy or attitudy I would give her 3 chances and if she upset/aggrovated anyone further than the 3 chances she would get woken up at 8.30 and be told that she has an hour to be dressed and ready and then at 9.30 I would be removing her from the house until 4.30. I would not give her her keys, I would not open the door to her until 4.30. She normally took herself off to the library or to the city and then would return at 4.30 and the attitude would be gone! I'm considering doing this again seeing as she is recently unemployed and it's only been one day and she's drivin me nuts! haha

TranquilMind
by Bronze Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 1:26 AM

I'm sorry.  Can you get him outside in the snow...it will wear him out (assuming this is why school is canceled)?  Maybe he can make money shoveling for the neighbors.  Treat him like a man, and ask and who knows..he might surprise you. 

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Mar. 25, 2013 at 5:37 AM

 Yeah it snowed but it should be melted by the time anyone really gets up today.  Most of it is already melted, there might be some flurries later today.  We live in such a rural area there's only 1 high school and they close schools because of the out of the way places might have ice.

Treat him like a man and he might surprise you?  Ok.  What do you mean treat him like a man?  Like do what? (if that sounded snarky I didn't mean to, it is meant to be sincere).

Quoting TranquilMind:

I'm sorry.  Can you get him outside in the snow...it will wear him out (assuming this is why school is canceled)?  Maybe he can make money shoveling for the neighbors.  Treat him like a man, and ask and who knows..he might surprise you. 

 

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Mar. 25, 2013 at 5:39 AM

 The last time we put him outside, he took off and never came home.  We looked everywhere for him.  He was told to go stand outside for a little bit and he took off.  Scared the crap out of everyone and he went to some guy's house who goes to his high school, a friend of a friend and told him and his parents we kicked him out.  We didn't find him until 10pm and only because he contacted his friend in another state and his mom told me.

Quoting GleekingOut:

When mine used to get mouthy or grumpy or attitudy I would give her 3 chances and if she upset/aggrovated anyone further than the 3 chances she would get woken up at 8.30 and be told that she has an hour to be dressed and ready and then at 9.30 I would be removing her from the house until 4.30. I would not give her her keys, I would not open the door to her until 4.30. She normally took herself off to the library or to the city and then would return at 4.30 and the attitude would be gone! I'm considering doing this again seeing as she is recently unemployed and it's only been one day and she's drivin me nuts! haha

 

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Mar. 25, 2013 at 5:40 AM

 16

Quoting Zamaria:

How old is he?

 

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Mar. 25, 2013 at 5:41 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting boys2men2soon:

Tell him to stay in his room and be miserable by himself, if he trashes his own room, so be it.

I think this is what I'm going to do.

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