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DD is pregnant, question for Parents of Teenage boys would you do this?

Posted by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 4:27 PM
  • 63 Replies

My daughter is pregnant. Now she and the boy broke up months ago, both are 17. DD hasn't even offically been able to tell him she is pregnant (she is sure he knows from his friends) because he wont speak to her because and I kid you not "He is worried his mom will take away his video games for talking to her". We dont have an address or phone number, they are not listed either. I found out today that the parents know, they were told by a teacher and responded that they dont care, its DDs fault and their son will have nothing to do with it. DD wants to give it up for adoption, but the boys parents wont even let him sign off. He wont speak to her at all. The baby will be born during the summer and has a rare genetic condition of ther spine which the boys obviously has as do his older siblings from information we've been able to gather. We went to a lawyer who told us we can write a letting notifying them of the pregnancy and request for the boy to sign off on an adoption. But in his professional expirence its highly unlikely they would even respond. They have buired their heads into the sand and refuse to look up. He said there is a massive backlog of cases in our county with patiernity and those on state aid get handled first (we aren't, and DD because she is adopted cannot get state medical even pregnant). We've spoke to several lawyers all who say the same thing and on top of that have told us in their experience middle class parents who are this set on their son not being held accountable will do anything including sending him away to family in other states, even after paternity is determined. However, in our states DD cannot give the baby up for adoption without his ok, meaning it will also have to remain in her custody. 

Anyhow, numerous people we've spoken to lawyers, the county, the state, all say they hear of this happening all the time and that its worse in the middle class because people have money to send there sons away and things like that. Now, Im not stupid. I know fathers dont always help or stick around. I just never thought it would be this bad. 

I know the spelling and grammer is probably horrible, but Im shaking and just so tired right now.

by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 4:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TranquilMind
by Bronze Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 4:32 PM

Wow, that's horrible.  He needs to man up and his parents need to force him to do it, but it doesn't sound like they will.

If he refuses to cooperate, can't she simply not put his name on the birth certificate?  Not sure how all that works. 

Playitagain
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 4:36 PM



Quoting TranquilMind:

Wow, that's horrible.  He needs to man up and his parents need to force him to do it, but it doesn't sound like they will.

If he refuses to cooperate, can't she simply not put his name on the birth certificate?  Not sure how all that works. 


Because they aren't married his name wont go on it anyhow, in our state you legally cannot put a man on the birth certificate if they are not present to sign the affidavient of paternity (a document where the man admits to being the legal father), unless they are married. Even then I think the man has to be present if married because Ive heard horror stories of military families. So legally, his name cant go on it. 

Infact, lots of kids dont have a father on their BC becasue even though legally deemed through DNA by the courts the man wont allow his name to go on it. He in our state has a legal right to not agree to be on it.  A birth certificate is not considered the legal document of biology or legal rights. Its very hard to understand. 

In our state however he has to sign off on the adoption. We've seen serveral lawyers all who tell us the same thing, and it could take years for him to be deemed the legal father through DNA and then terminate parental rights to give the baby up. 

ForeverLawst
by Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 4:40 PM
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I know this is just a terrible time for you and DD. The only thing that came to mind was leaving the baby at the hospital as a "safe surrender" baby and letting the state deal with the issues. In FL they end up with Foster/Adoptive parents. I know it would be really hard for her, but if she really wants to give it up then she should be able to terminate her parental rights at that point. I don't know if they will go back to him or if she can just list the baby as father unknown? I would check the laws on that in your state. I'm so sorry this is happening. =/

diaperstodating
by Angel on Mar. 29, 2013 at 4:41 PM
That's crazy! So he can't be on the birth certificate, but you need him to sign off for the adoption.
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wodntulk2kno1
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 4:43 PM
2 moms liked this
Wow that's is awful the way the parents are acting. That's why there is so many single mothers because parents don't teach their kids responsibility. If that was my son I would make sure he acted like a man. If you are old enough to lay down and get a girl pregnant your old enough to be responsible for your actions. I have beat this into my kids head. It takes two to have a baby. You don't have to be with each other but you better make sure you take care of what happens.
I know at 17 there is a point in time when the law looks at you as an adult , and the boy will have to answer.
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wodntulk2kno1
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 4:45 PM
That's what I was thinking when I reread this. If he is not going to sign off on the BC then why the adoption is it important?
I still think his parents need to teach him to man up though.


Quoting diaperstodating:

That's crazy! So he can't be on the birth certificate, but you need him to sign off for the adoption.

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luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 4:45 PM

Well first if that was my son he would be manning up and taking care of his kid. I would not allow him to sign off on adoption either, not that I could ever seeing him doing that.

Now, it appears you guys are stuck. It sounds like you may have to face the reality that your DD is going to have to raise her child. This condition must not be to horrible (without more information of course) if the boys and his siblings have it and are living a relatively normal life.

Sometimes, we don't get what we want, sometimes don't go the way we plan, sometimes we have to do things we really don't want to do. In your case, that may be exactly what's going to happen.

I wished I had some great advice, but I don't. 

jojo_star
by Bronze Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 4:52 PM
If one of my sons got a girl pregnant, I would first be furious, second hope she would abort, and then, it would be up to him. I would not and will not raise or support a grandchild. Yes, the guy had sex too, but so did the girl and she did decide to keep the pregnancy. I wouldn't force my son to do anything, I'd hope he'd do the right thing, but if he can have sex, he can make his own choices. I sure as hell wouldn't be paying for anything though.
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Saphira1207
by Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 5:10 PM

It sounds like the only other option she has is abortion.  Otherwise it sounds, to me, like you've done everything you realistically can.  There is always dropping the infant off at "dad's" house after it's born and letting them deal with it however they want ..... ?

shrugging

atlmom2
by Susie on Mar. 29, 2013 at 5:11 PM
He needs to man up or sign on the adoption. What a loser family. I take it she wasn't dating long since you didn't know where he lived.
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