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Teenage son dating bossy no good girl

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 3:37 PM
  • 29 Replies
I need some advice lately all me and my 16 year old son do is fight. He has always been a little kept to himself and a little moody, but lately it has been so much worse. For about 8 months now he has been dating this girl. I really don't like her she was no stranger we used to be friends with her parents until I realized her mother was no kind of friend she use to put me down takes turns talking about other friends including me with other ones. Anyways I broke off that relationship. She has two kids both whom go to school with my two teens her son said their problems don't concern me and is very respectful, however the daughter goes around telling my son your family don't like me I'm scared to tell your mom hi she hates me. I forgot to mention right before they got together she tried causing problems for my 17 year old daughter and some girls she went to school with by telling them my daughter wanted to fight them and she was talking stuff about them all which was not true so I guess that was the beginning of my dislike for her. So anyways her and my son always post their buisness on twitter they don't know but I can see it. I know she treats my son like total crap and he is on there making himself look like a fool by continuing to just kiss her butt. She is so jealous she is jealous of my sons teacher, she gets jealous if my son hangs out with her brother, she hates my sons best friend (so he has started talking to him less). She fights with him like every other day. Problem is I just trying telling my son he deserves to be treated good and he says she does I don't go to school with them so I don't know I just assume stuff. He makes me look like I'm just crazy making up stuff up but it's coming straight from them. Whenever I say anything he gets pissed and just starts saying its because I dont like her and then says i just don't like her cause I hate her mom. He goes on telling his grandma and uncles that I am just so mean to him and out of my four kids I am the meanest to him and that I hate him. Our recent fight he was so mad saying I just dont like her and threatened to kill himself and also he wanted to leave. I don't know what to do anymore I feel like giving up and just ignoring him, but then I think that would just seem like I do hate him. My husband says that he has been talking to him but I see no changes he just let him go places all day Saturday then let him go to movies with her Saturday night which she was mad and hanging lip saying she just wanted to go home. My son sends my husband text saying thanks for letting me go. And out of no where one day dad I love you have a great day. I feel like he sees my husband as the good guy, while I'm just feeling like the worst mother. My husband says I just need to quit telling my son stuff an I tell him he was the same with our now 17 year old daughter and he just says cause that was different shes a girl. I see it different they are BOTH our kids and I hate to see them hurt. Any advice PLEASE??
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 3:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 4:01 PM
4 moms liked this

The Ball is in your court. You can do one of two things...


1. Keep fighting with him, and judging her based off of things her mom did. Keep pushing him away, so that he can't come to you for advice.

Or, and this would be my suggestion.

2. You be the grown up and make nice with this young girl, and remember the age you are dealing with. They are needy, they are manipulative, they are emotional, they are teenagers. 


Give this young girl, and your son, no reason to think you hate her, even if you do. sometimes you can get a lot further with teens, and their relationships if you drowned then with sweetness.

The question is, do you want to keep breeding resentment or do you want a healthy relationship with your son?

OHgirlinCA
by Bronze Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 4:05 PM
1 mom liked this

 The more you tell your son you don't like your girlfriend, or show through your actions that you don't, the more defensive he'll be of her. 

You need to take a step back and allow him to figure things out on his own. 

Baby1809
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 4:49 PM

But the problem is I never say I don't like her him. I do nice things for them for valentines I went and bought a blanket n pillow set had their names ingraved on it so he could give to her, I didn't know they didn't even plan on giving each other any thing. I am letting him be in her quinceneda that is coming up in June. I took him to this arcade place on Tuesday to hangout with her. I hold my tongue so many times. What started it this time was she deleted my 12 year old daughter from instagram and then blocked her when I asked my son if his sister was being bad or rude towards his girlfriend he said no why and I told him what happen. (because my daughter asked me to) because nobody in our house can mention anything about his girlfriend without getting attitude even if it's something totally innocent. Well he asked his girlfriend and she totally turned it around on my daughter say she did it which I know was not true. My son ended up mad at his little sister all I told him is your not gonna start fighting with your sisters cause of her. He always recently blew up on his older sister (who have always been extremely close and never fought) because he was fighting with his girl. So all I said if your gonna fight or have problems with her why do we get the attitude? I don't think that's fair.

Baby1809
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 4:56 PM

I don't know what else I can do to show I "like" her

daisykat
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 5:38 PM
1 mom liked this
Man, I'm struggling with advice on this one. Since his Dad has a good rapport with him, that's your way in. Dad needs to get on board with you and you two need to decide what your stance is. Does Dad need a kick in the pants when it comes to getting serious about this? Make sure your husband tells him that Mom DOESN'T hate her because of her mother, she hates to see you hurt and it's her natural reaction when she sees your pain to hunt down and eliminate the cause. That's why there's tension where the girlfriend is concerned. He should tell him to listen to Mom, because she was a teenage girl once and she knows how manipulative and hurtful they can be, and she sees things in GF you might not because you're blinded by your feelings.

It sounds like the son's self-esteem is at rock-bottom. Get him out of the house for a few weekends to go fishing somewhere with Dad, anything to put some distance between him and her. I'll ask MY 16-year-old what he thinks you should do when he gets home in a bit. Hang in there, sister...
sabrtooth1
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 6:00 PM
1 mom liked this

Last time I looked, the Quinceanera happened when the girl turned 15.  So, your 16 year old son is "dating" a 14 year old.  Does JAILBAIT ring a bell?

Beyond that, this is all so ridiculous, I do not know where to begin.  Why are YOU driving your son to his "dates"?  Why are YOU buying Valentines gifts for HIS girlfriend?  And why PILLOWS AND BLANKETS?  Do you WANT to become a grandmother before he graduates high school?  Tell him he can have all the dates he wants, with any girl he wants, as long as he is a straight A student, college bound, & has a job to pay for the dates, the car insurance, the gas, and the child support. 

Who CARES if your 12 year old was deleted from Instagram?  What is your 12yo DOING on Instagram and Facebook?  Is she a straight A student?  Doesn't she have chores to do around the house?  Tell her to get off the computer, do her homework, and occupy herself with a mop.

Ignore other people's children.  Concentrate on your OWN.

MamaSnaps
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 6:04 PM

I really tried to read this, and to gie advice, but there is no punctuation or capitalization or paragraphs. Everything runs on and I am impressed the others were able to decipher it. Come on here, make it a LITTLE easier for us to help you? 

sabrtooth1
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 6:31 PM
To be honest, I didn't read the first one, and the reply gave a headache.


Quoting MamaSnaps:

I really tried to read this, and to gie advice, but there is no punctuation or capitalization or paragraphs. Everything runs on and I am impressed the others were able to decipher it. Come on here, make it a LITTLE easier for us to help you? 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
drfink
by Emily on Apr. 1, 2013 at 6:55 PM

agree 

Quoting luckysevenwow:

The Ball is in your court. You can do one of two things...


1. Keep fighting with him, and judging her based off of things her mom did. Keep pushing him away, so that he can't come to you for advice.

Or, and this would be my suggestion.

2. You be the grown up and make nice with this young girl, and remember the age you are dealing with. They are needy, they are manipulative, they are emotional, they are teenagers. 


Give this young girl, and your son, no reason to think you hate her, even if you do. sometimes you can get a lot further with teens, and their relationships if you drowned then with sweetness.

The question is, do you want to keep breeding resentment or do you want a healthy relationship with your son?


Lorik1969
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 7:41 PM
3 moms liked this
My daughter dated a selfish, mouthy, egotistical SOB who I wanted to smack every time I saw him. Instead i smiled and said hello and asked how he was doing. I didn't bad mouth him, even when my daughter asked for advice.
If you can't keep your mouth shut, stay off of Twitter. I know it's soooo hard but the more you talk about how he deserves better the more you push him away.
I would tell him you want to mend the fence and invite her to dinner. Take a xanax, drink a glass of wine, smoke something, just do whatever you need to do to be friendly and nice. If you're nice she won't have any ammo to use against you. This will end a lot sooner if you keep out of it. Stay strong and good luck!
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