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Sperm donor decided to call after 8 years :(

Posted by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 3:14 PM
  • 27 Replies

My daughter is 18. Her sperm donor walked out of her life when she was 10. Along with the rest of his family. I know this hurt her alot, & there was never a reason given to her. He just quit calling & quit coming to get her when he was supposed to.

She told me the other day she was going to write him on facebook again ( she had done this before & he blocked her). I told her what I thought, but that she is an adult & it is up to her. Well she wrote him yesterday & he called her last night.

He called her from a private #, meaning he can have her # but she can't have his.

They talked for 10 min, & he told her he wants to meet her. & that they are not going to play the blame game, & he will not argue with her.. REALLY the blame game Ummmm no one to blame in this but himself.

She asked me to go with her, & I told her while I support her wanting to talk to him & ask for him answers, I do not want anything to do with him & that under no circumstances is he allowed at this house & she could ask my mom to go with her.

I already know what is going to happen he will hurt her again & I just can't watch her go thru it again. I have so many mixed emotions on her having anything to do with him again.

He does have a son from another marriage, he & does have something to do with him, & has never not been in his life, Which aggravates me also.

I already know he will blame me for him walking out on her, he did that with his family, told them I would not allow him to see her, even though we had a court order, I could not have stopped him if I wanted to. He told his friends, & current gf that I have turned her against him. I told my daughter this, & she said she will not allow him to blame me, but I really do not think she has a choice in it.

My best friend says I am wrong to not allow him at our house, I think shes nuts,

Am I wrong ? What am I supposed to do ? I support my kid in what ever she chooses to do, but she is an adult, so I should not have to speak to or see this man ever. He hurt my kid, & I do not want to see him do it again

by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 3:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SugarrCane
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Need to finish back to school shopping!
Thursday at 10:21 PM
by Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 4:04 PM
1 mom liked this

If he's as bad as you say he is, she'll likely find that out for herself after meeting up with him.  If it doesn't happen that fast, give it time.  Sometimes, people need to experience things for themselves to make their own mind up.

racheal241977
by Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 7:53 PM

I have no clue what he is like now, nor do I really care, What he did was unfogivable in my eyes. & I honestly do not think he has changed all that much

He had nothing to do with her until she was 2, took me to court for custody & got evey other weekend. 

Walked out of her life when she was 10 & has not been seen or heard from since. until yesterday. 



Quoting SugarrCane:

If he's as bad as you say he is, she'll likely find that out for herself after meeting up with him.  If it doesn't happen that fast, give it time.  Sometimes, people need to experience things for themselves to make their own mind up.



boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Apr. 3, 2013 at 10:06 PM

Can you encourage your daughter to talk to him on the phone, or via skype for awhile before meeting up with him? 

I think it would be best if you went with her to meet him.  He is less likely to fill her head with bull sh*! if you are there.   But, say absolutely nothing beyond Hello.   Let them talk and you read a book or something.  Even if you were at a separate table, nearby, it may be enough to offer your DD some security.




racheal241977
by Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 10:14 PM
2 moms liked this

She was asking him some questions last night & he would not answer her, told her he is not going to do it on the phone, 

My mom is going to go with her, I talked to my daughter about it tonight, & she understands why I will not go with her. Her & my mom are pretty close, so I am ok with her going, I would not even be able to say hi to this pos with out telling him off, 


Quoting boys2men2soon:

Can you encourage your daughter to talk to him on the phone, or via skype for awhile before meeting up with him? 

I think it would be best if you went with her to meet him.  He is less likely to fill her head with bull sh*! if you are there.   But, say absolutely nothing beyond Hello.   Let them talk and you read a book or something.  Even if you were at a separate table, nearby, it may be enough to offer your DD some security.



CampClan
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 10:20 PM

I don't think I would let my DS's sperm donor come into my house. Only because I have nothing nice to say to him & don't want my kids to see me act in an unlady-like way. DS's sperm donor decided he didn't want to be a dad when I was 3 months pregnant with DS so I packed my stuff & left him. That was almost 18 years ago. DS will be 17 on Friday. I am so glad I didn't let his sperm donor in his life because then I wouldn't have the wonderful respectable young man of a son that I have!

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Apr. 3, 2013 at 10:31 PM


Quoting racheal241977:

She was asking him some questions last night & he would not answer her, told her he is not going to do it on the phone, 

My mom is going to go with her, I talked to my daughter about it tonight, & she understands why I will not go with her. Her & my mom are pretty close, so I am ok with her going, I would not even be able to say hi to this pos with out telling him off, 


Quoting boys2men2soon:

Can you encourage your daughter to talk to him on the phone, or via skype for awhile before meeting up with him? 

I think it would be best if you went with her to meet him.  He is less likely to fill her head with bull sh*! if you are there.   But, say absolutely nothing beyond Hello.   Let them talk and you read a book or something.  Even if you were at a separate table, nearby, it may be enough to offer your DD some security.



Sounds like a good plan... your Mom going with her.   I hate to think of her being alone with him (and any family he may decide to bring) with no emotional support.




racheal241977
by Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 10:50 PM
1 mom liked this

NO I would never ever ever ever ever let her go on her own, not after what his famiy has put her thru, for a 10 year old to be treated the way they treated her, is I don't even have words for it. I knew my mom would go with her & if for some reason she would not go, I have sister in laws & my best friend & my husband that would go. I mentioned it to my hubby & he said even though it wold take eveyrthing in him not to physically hurt him, he would go if he had to. She is pretty close to everyone in our family, but my mom & her are the closest  so there was never an issue of her going alone with him. 


Quoting boys2men2soon:


Quoting racheal241977:

She was asking him some questions last night & he would not answer her, told her he is not going to do it on the phone, 

My mom is going to go with her, I talked to my daughter about it tonight, & she understands why I will not go with her. Her & my mom are pretty close, so I am ok with her going, I would not even be able to say hi to this pos with out telling him off, 


Quoting boys2men2soon:

Can you encourage your daughter to talk to him on the phone, or via skype for awhile before meeting up with him? 

I think it would be best if you went with her to meet him.  He is less likely to fill her head with bull sh*! if you are there.   But, say absolutely nothing beyond Hello.   Let them talk and you read a book or something.  Even if you were at a separate table, nearby, it may be enough to offer your DD some security.



Sounds like a good plan... your Mom going with her.   I hate to think of her being alone with him (and any family he may decide to bring) with no emotional support.



MamaSnaps
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 10:55 PM
1 mom liked this

I wouldn't allow him at the house either. I think you are fine in supporting her the way you are!

racheal241977
by Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 10:59 PM

I 100% understand where you are coming from. 

I was 18 when I had her, & he was not there at all while I was pregnant with her. I was with him when I took the test & he told me to put on my shoes he was taking me home, & that is exactly what he did. ( we had been seeing each other since I was 15). He took me home, & I never heard from him again. Until she was 2 & I filed for child support.. Then he went after me for FULL custody & when we went to court the judge asked me if my daughter knew who he was & I told her no & this is the 1st time I have seen him in almost 3 years... She looked right at him & said if you think for 1 second you are going to get full custody of a kid you have had nothing to do with, you have another thing coming.. She ordered every other weekend & that was it. after he did a year of supervised visits with me, He  did not show up to most of them, but she got to know who her daddy was, & she loved him.  & at that time he was a great dad, we invited him over to family functions, he got along with my hubby, in laws, my parents, etc... 

fast forward, to when she was 10, he never showed up, never called. 1 weekend, then again the next, she would call him & he would not answer his phone, she would call his parents & they would talk to her for maybe  min & not ever say anything about seeing her,. They did have her come over that Christmas which was about 6 months after she had not seen any of them, she walked in & everyone ignored her like she did not exsist., she walked back out of the house as we were backing out of the driveway in tears. & I wrote them a 10 page letter & let them know they would never do that to her again,  & a few other not so lady like things... 

I hope one day she realizes she is better off with out him, & I HOPE to god he does not hurt her again, I know he will, & honestly I can not watch her go thru it again, 





Quoting CampClan:

I don't think I would let my DS's sperm donor come into my house. Only because I have nothing nice to say to him & don't want my kids to see me act in an unlady-like way. DS's sperm donor decided he didn't want to be a dad when I was 3 months pregnant with DS so I packed my stuff & left him. That was almost 18 years ago. DS will be 17 on Friday. I am so glad I didn't let his sperm donor in his life because then I wouldn't have the wonderful respectable young man of a son that I have!



drfink
by Emily on Apr. 3, 2013 at 11:00 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting boys2men2soon:


Quoting racheal241977:

She was asking him some questions last night & he would not answer her, told her he is not going to do it on the phone, 

My mom is going to go with her, I talked to my daughter about it tonight, & she understands why I will not go with her. Her & my mom are pretty close, so I am ok with her going, I would not even be able to say hi to this pos with out telling him off, 


Quoting boys2men2soon:

Can you encourage your daughter to talk to him on the phone, or via skype for awhile before meeting up with him? 

I think it would be best if you went with her to meet him.  He is less likely to fill her head with bull sh*! if you are there.   But, say absolutely nothing beyond Hello.   Let them talk and you read a book or something.  Even if you were at a separate table, nearby, it may be enough to offer your DD some security.



Sounds like a good plan... your Mom going with her.   I hate to think of her being alone with him (and any family he may decide to bring) with no emotional support.

GOOD !

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