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HELP!!! 21 year old sister offers to buy alcohol for prom!!!

Posted by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 6:48 AM
  • 14 Replies
What the heck??!!!!! Are you kidding me!!!!??? I just found out that my older daughter has offered to buy her younger sister alcohol for her prom!!!! I'm so upset!!!! My younger daughter has not been into alcohol at all and is a wonderful girl. My older daughter does drink some, but up until now has supported her sister in NOT drinking. I would have hoped #2 would have told #1 to go soak her head, but noooooo.... instead #2 tells the offer to prom date (whom she does not know well but is not much of a drinker himself) and now they will think about it for a time and decide.... OMG!!!! Have these kids not learned anything????!!! Not only does my younger daughter open that can of worms with the offer, but big sister obvioulsly isn't thinking about what that can lead to!!!! The tricky part is that they do not know that I know about this!!!! My resourses are confidential and need to stay that way. How can I confront #1 and remind her how dangerous it is to supply minors with alcohol and secondly, explain to #2 that her sister is setting herself up for a lot of trouble and it is NEVER ok to drink underage!!! Just when you thought things were going smoothly and everyone gets it!!! :(
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 6:48 AM
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lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 7:15 AM

I would sit down with both of them together and discuss under age buying and drinking.

Do both these girls live at home ? If so I would tell the oldest that is she buys the younger one booze she better have the money to move out. That you will not be allowing her to stay. You could call the police on her.

I would tell me younger DD that you will dong a drug test when she gets home from prom. If she has been drinking then she will lose"the life" she has been living. Go out and buy the kit and show her that you are serious.Make sure she isn't spending the night at a friends after prom. Then be ready to follow through with any punishment you decide on.

Hopefully this will be enough to make them both think twice.

GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 7:38 AM
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I'm in complete agreeance here. I'm also assuming that the alcohol is being provided for a after prom party or date? If that's the case I would talk to the girls seperately. I would start with the older one and not even say that I know anything, I would just say as a warning "Now that you're 21 and legally allowed to drink, I feel like I need to talk to you about buying minors alcohol and the trouble that you can get in for that. (insert explanation/state law here). In saying so however, if I ever hear about you encouraging your sister to drink, buying your sister alcohol before she's 21, I will ring the police and you will be leaving my house within the following 48 hours." I would then go and see the younger one, explain the laws on underage drinking, how much trouble she can be in, tell her that if I even find her drinking underage I will ring the police on her too. (Just as a side note here; do drug tests actually bring up alcohol on the system?) I would also tell her, that as a safety precaution; that I will need to know exactly where she'll be before, during, and after prom; that I will not hesitate to show up at any point along the night if I feel any suspicions that she is doing something illegal. I know it sounds crazy - but I just keep thinking of all those kids that die on their prom night in drunken car crashes :/


Quoting lucky2Beeme:

I would sit down with both of them together and discuss under age buying and drinking.

Do both these girls live at home ? If so I would tell the oldest that is she buys the younger one booze she better have the money to move out. That you will not be allowing her to stay. You could call the police on her.

I would tell me younger DD that you will dong a drug test when she gets home from prom. If she has been drinking then she will lose"the life" she has been living. Go out and buy the kit and show her that you are serious.Make sure she isn't spending the night at a friends after prom. Then be ready to follow through with any punishment you decide on.

Hopefully this will be enough to make them both think twice.



atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:45 AM
Talk to her. Does she know that if they drink and die she is legally responsible??? After prom was at our home so no drinking. We went through everyones bags. They take limo's to prom so alcohol is impossible to take there.
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PinkButterfly66
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:16 AM

I would tell her that she could be arrested and charged with the crime of furnishing alcohol to a minor.  Not only that, if the alcohol results in an auto accident where her sister or date were injured or worse she'd have to live with that guilt for life.

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 10:02 AM

Thankfully so far it is just talk, and you have time to set some ground rules for the prom.

Sit your youngest DD down and spell out what your expectations are for prom, as part of that speech throw in the fact that there will be people who bring alcohol or older people who will offer to buy it (without throwing in older DD's name), and that you expect your DD to walk away from those types of situations. Also spell out the consequense should she break the rules. 

As for older DD, there will be a point leading up to the prom where you can talk about the stupidity of buying alcohol for minors, without coming right out and saying what you have heard through the grapevine.

Handle it right and they will never have to know what a little birdy has told you, and hopefully they hear what you have to say. If not, your DD will know the consequenses.

PurpleHazey
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 3:20 PM

This is not good!

atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 4, 2013 at 3:58 PM
Happened here. Parents got a slap on the wrist. 3 kids died after leaving a party this summer. A 4th was dropped off minutes before the accident. Driver a the kid in the front seat died on the scene reportedly driving double the speed limit and double the legal alcohol limit. Another died 4 days later. 2 just graduated hs. Other would have been a senior this year.


Quoting PinkButterfly66:

I would tell her that she could be arrested and charged with the crime of furnishing alcohol to a minor.  Not only that, if the alcohol results in an auto accident where her sister or date were injured or worse she'd have to live with that guilt for life.


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sabrtooth1
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 4:27 PM
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Forget the confidentiality, and forget the pussyfooting, velvet glove approach. Any discussions you've previously had obviously ran in one ear and out the other, and they did not take youseriously.  

Sit them both down.  Tell the older one you cannot believe she is stupid and venal enough to participate in ruining her sister's career, if she simply gets expelled from high school, or arrested, or in killing her.  And tell her if she does it again, you will call the police on her. 

And YOU need to understand, that even tho your dd is 21, if ANYONE else is in the group gets expelled, arrested, or hurt, YOU can also be sued or arrested.  Your dd would abviously get sued--and they can put a brick on her income for the next 20 years, if the judgment is large enough. 

Tell the younger one you thought she had more brains than this.  Tell her you will let her to the actual prom, provided YOU drive and pick her up, but that ANYTHING after prom is done and gone.

Tell them both that it's bad enough that they don't care about their OWN lives, but they are playing Russian Roulette with other people's lives and futures also. 


sabrtooth1
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 4:45 PM

And another thought.  My daughters are 3 years apart.  My house was Zero tolerance, as was the school, the town, my kids (older dd was a Snowball counselor), and their friends.  NO ONE in EITHER of their groups would have even thought of this.  You need to ask yourself, CLEARLY, what kind of behavior has been going on ALREADY, that would make this a consideration.  I am CERTAIN that a bunch of straight-edge kids did not wake up one morning and decide to go drinking during prom.

And you should also have a very strong discussion about birth control.  Do you know how many grandchildren are conceived during and after prom--especially when the players are lubricated with alcohol???

bexsmum
by Bronze Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 7:05 PM
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This brings up the question as to why the 21 yr old would volunteer to purchase the booze. I would assume someones older sibling purchased boozed for her after party. I am well aware of after party antics as all 4 of mine have now graduated and 3 of the 4 are legal in Ontario(19).  I would also find out where said after party is going to be because I know here that kids are given a breathalizer at the door to prom EVEN if they are of age as there in NO DRINKING AT PROM.  So I would guess they have full out bashed planned somewhere and someones parents either rented the space for this or are providing the space.

Now becasue Ontario has very different laws when pertaining to underage drinking,I know DD drank prior to turning 19 as I was the one to provide her alcohol<BUT > here in Ontario if the parents provide it and it is drunk in the parents home under control of the adult it is not illegal.

BUT I would be finding out why DD even suggested this purchase out of the blue ,she knows something and you you need to find out to inform the other parents

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