I think our foreign exchange student is a sociopath. Here's the story in it's entirety:
A few days before Christmas Break, my husband, a high school physics teacher, was approached about taking in a 16 year old foreign exchange student immediately, as she was in a very shady situation. The home she was with was unsanitary, there was no food, she even said that they would not call her by her name and just referred to her as 'New Girl'. Horrified, we immediately agreed that we would do whatever we could to help, despite having a newborn and two older boys in elementary school. Within a day we had rearranged our office, brought in a loaner bed, bought new sheets, comforter, etc, and had everything ready for her. She arrived the day we were celebrating Christmas with my family, and my parents even stopped along the way to buy her a gift.
Over the next few months we did everything we could to make her feel welcome in our home. We even adjusted our eating habits to support her pescatarianism. We heard horror stories of how she was treated at her other home. She told us tales of how in her native country she enjoyed going to clubs frequently, and drank with friends regularly even though the drinking age is 18 there. We learned how she didn't really miss her family. We were made fun of when we tried to pronounce words in her native language. She made fun of overweight people, or people who were unattractive. Not having much experience with teenage girls, I assumed it was just part of being 16.
In late January I had a birthday celebration and we had a few of our friends over. I told her about the party and asked if she would like to attend, or if she'd rather spend the night with a friend. She said she'd love to attend and would enjoy meeting our friends. So, we had the party. A few of us had cocktails. My husband played some music. It was a small, great time. Towards the end of the night I noticed our exchange student standing in the middle of a room singing loudly. A couple of my friends approached me, saying that she had been drinking. One friend informed me that she had told her that I had said it was okay if she drank, as long as I didn't see it happening. We were shocked, as she had assured us that she understood that she was not allowed, and that we would not be okay with it under any circumstances.
As soon as we could, we called her program coordinator to report the incident. I wanted her gone. She'd shown us her true manipulative, lying colors, and I didn't want my children exposed to that. Her coordinator came to our home and we all sat around and discussed the incident. The girl admitted to drinking, but lied about how much. She was excused and the coordinator convinced us to let her stay, and that moving her AGAIN would be traumatic for her. We begrudgingly agreed.
Fast forward a few months: I assumed all was forgiven. We took her on Spring Break with us. We had found a rhythm all together as a family. We'd learned to look past her trash-talking. In mid March, we were informed of a new coordinator with the exchange program. I emailed her about the drinking incident, wanting to make sure that everyone was on the same page. Apparently, the first coordinator hadn't even reported it. No one knew it had happened. The girl was approached, she once again admitted it, and that was that.
The same day she went to one of her art teachers and told them about the horrible conditions she was living in. She spoke of being sexually harassed by my husband's brother (who is GAY) and uncle (who was never alone with her). She spoke of the birthday party and how everyone was smoking weed. She spoke of all the illegal things my husband does and discusses. All of it are absolute and total LIES. The art teacher had to report it as a mandatory reporter, despite not believing a word of it.
She was removed from our home that night. When the coordinator brought her to pack her things she was laughing and joking like nothing was wrong. She will be moved to her next family, finish the year, and be sent home. Meanwhile, we are facing a home inspection (which is fine, we have NOTHING to hide), and our kids possibly questioned about conduct. My husband might lose his job. She will spread these rumors about us to her new host family, as she did to us about the family before us.
I am so, so angry. And I don't think there is anything I can do. She has absolutely NO regard for what she's done. Has anyone ever had anything similar happen? I feel sick about the whole thing, and could really just use some advice on how to calm down about all of it. :(
Last Friday, DSS and the police came to our home for an inspection. My husband was the only one there, and of course our house was a mess. They asked a bunch of questions about the birthday party, and seemed genuinely concerned that there were 4 beers in the fridge and his batch of homebrew going in our laundry room ("Do your CHILDREN have access to this?!", etc). They said they wanted to come back Monday morning to talk to me and also our children. After freaking out all weekend long, we contacted a lawyer Monday morning. They advised that we were in no real danger with DSS, and that it sounded like everything was done, mostly. They went ahead and opened a file on us just in case this girl tries to start stuff again in the future.
When DSS came that evening, we found out that the police were there on Friday on their OWN investigation, and that they had spoken with the girl earlier that day and decided really from that point on that there was no real case. The woman from DSS told us right away that she was filing it as unsubstantiated, but that she'd still like to speak with our boys privately. When she came from their room all she had to say was "You must make a mean steak!". :)
I'm so, so glad this is done. Things are calming down, my husband won't lose his job, and she'll return to her home country in just over a month.
Admittedly, it's frustrating that she is still getting away with this, but our lawyers told us to just let things go so I'm trying to work on that now. :) Thank you all for your support!
on Apr. 4, 2013 at 4:33 PM