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17 year old daughter is pregnant

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 8:41 PM
  • 37 Replies
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That is why I am here.  I am so sacred for her.  She is so smart, a junior in high school, just made an 1798 on her SAT, picked out a college to attend next fall and now this!! I put her on the pill almost a year ago.  Her boyfriend is 2 years older, I am not stupid, I knew she would have sex that is why I protected her and begged for him to protected himself.  Someone tell me it will be ok.  I am supporting her in her decision but how do I get her to understand this is a life time journey!! Her father and I are in shock, never thought this would be our little princess!!

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 8:41 PM
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arkmomma06
by Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 8:43 PM
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She is lucky to have you by her side..It will be a hard journey for all of you...Good luck!

jojo_star
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:05 PM
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What is her choice? If she wants to have the baby, be honest. Don't sugar coat it or spare her feelings, make sure she knows that she is messing up her life, and the baby's. Sure, some teens can do it, and make a good life, but most don't. She has her whole life ahead of her to have kids, and right now, she can't afford one. And not only will she suffer, but so will the baby. Support her, of course, and be there for her, but be honest. Get her to baby sit as many kids as possible, make her taking prenatal and parenting classes, make her start being a mother now, no more going out late, no partying, no after school activies. Have her get a job, and keep her grades up, don't baby her just because she is pregnant. Good luck!

MamaSnaps
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:21 PM
5 moms liked this

It will be OK. My oldest was born in September and I graduated in June. I made it with great grades and continued to finish college TWICE now. My son is grown and he's a great guy. I did something right in there! I had some support from my parents and eventually my amazing husband helped me to make it throug the last of my first degree.
One of my BFF's daughter was born when she was 14!!! She was an amazing mom and has raised a daughter that blows me away with how wonderful she is (she's now 24.) My friend finished high school and put herself through college all while raising a baby. She had great support from her family and friends and she's now a successful mom of 3 of her own plus has her DH's grandson that she's raising and doing an awesome job of it. 

If you have laid the groundwork before now it won't change after a baby. We all think "it won't be me, I've done everything to prevent it. " The reality is we do everything to protect our kids from EVERYTHING and as with EVERYTHING accidents happen. Condom's break, the pill isn't fool proof. A pill gets missed... Kids think they are invincible and "it won't happen to me." It does. It happens to the best of kids. Usually it IS the best of them-the ones from good families with lots of support. I don't know if that is because those are the ones who choose to give birth or keep and the others abort or if it seems the 'other' kids are not the ones you see raising kids. And that's probably a good thing. They probably aren't the ones who will succeed as easily as your daughter will. 

Embrace it, embrace her, love her, support her. Cry-because you need to!!! Hell, my son didn't give me my first grand until he was married for 2 years and over the age of 21 and I still cried over having to become a grandma!

You and your husband need to talk about all of your feelings together to get it out. There are lots you'll go through. You still need to present a united front, but it needs to begin to change now from parents of a typical teen to parents of an adult who still needs your guidance. Tough step. You will adjust and adapt!

Make a plan with her. Find out how much she wants you to be involved. I know my mom was there for EVERYTHING. She went to doc appts when I asked her to, she was with me when he was born. Get her books-What To Expect While You Are Expecting and anything else you can find for her to read. Talk often.

You'll be ok and so will she! 

Madisonjosmom
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:44 PM
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She has had a job for almost a year. Even though she is our only child we have made her pay her cell phone bill and taughter her important life lessons; coupons, shopping around for items, paying bills. I gave her a piece of paper and had her write down some figures, like the cost of having a child. Her boyfriend is participating also. The opened up a " baby account" at the bank so that they cann each put money in the account to prepare. Thank you for your response. I definately need to keep it real. I guess I just thought that when she had a child I would be thrilled today rather than crying. We have only known a week, I hope it gets easier.
jojo_star
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:04 PM
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That's good. I can't really understand how you feel, because my own daughter has never gotten pregnant (she's 15), but I've spoken often with my mother about her feelings towards my first pregnancy. I was 12 when I got pregnant and 13 when he was born. She said the same thing, she never imagined she'd be anything but thrilled for her grandchild. It was a struggle for her, but she loved my son from the moment he was born. She babied me, but she never let me forget that I made the choice to have a baby, and that he was my son. So, it can be done, just keep it real. My parents pushed me to go to school, and I did. Good luck to you both.

Quoting Madisonjosmom:

She has had a job for almost a year. Even though she is our only child we have made her pay her cell phone bill and taughter her important life lessons; coupons, shopping around for items, paying bills. I gave her a piece of paper and had her write down some figures, like the cost of having a child. Her boyfriend is participating also. The opened up a " baby account" at the bank so that they cann each put money in the account to prepare. Thank you for your response. I definately need to keep it real. I guess I just thought that when she had a child I would be thrilled today rather than crying. We have only known a week, I hope it gets easier.


boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:05 PM
3 moms liked this

It will be okay.   Life happens when we are making other plans.    Sit down with your DD and her boyfriend and ask what they plan to do, and how?    Together, you will come up with a workable solution... because that is what family is for.      It sounds as if your DD has great parents.... have faith in yourself and the daughter you raised.




specialwingz
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:07 PM
3 moms liked this

I was a 17 year old mom, too.  It WILL be okay.  Mine is 36 now and an oral surgeon.  It won't be easy.  But, it CAN be done.  Hang in there!

daisykat
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:31 PM
3 moms liked this
It will be just fine, mama. Have you ever heard the saying "Man plans, God laughs"? What looks like a mountain to you now is a hiccup. Your daughter sounds smart and capable. If she has this baby, it WILL force her to grow up faster than she planned. That's certainly one thing we all find out when we become parents. Children force you to become a better person.

Listen, you know this will be tough, and I don't know how much faith I put in the maturity of a 19-year-old boy. Girls are always better when it comes to situations like this. The both of you can cry all you need to, hang on to each other, and this baby will come into a home full of love. Years from now you'll look back on this and think "Phew! That was tough, but what an amazing job she's done... And no one's worse for the wear."
Madisonjosmom
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:41 PM
Thank you everyone! It can be done, I will support her! While gentle guiding her on the path of parenthood. I know it won't be easy but we have each other and the outcome will be wonderful, I know it in my heart. Stay tuned on my steps to being a grandma. It's great to know I have this place to be honest about how I feel!
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luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:42 PM
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So long as you stand by her side she can accomplish anything. Honestly this isn't the end of the world, it's a hiccup in life. It happens at any age and can be anything really.

Be her mom, support her, and she will go far. 

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