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17 year old daughter is pregnant

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That is why I am here.  I am so sacred for her.  She is so smart, a junior in high school, just made an 1798 on her SAT, picked out a college to attend next fall and now this!! I put her on the pill almost a year ago.  Her boyfriend is 2 years older, I am not stupid, I knew she would have sex that is why I protected her and begged for him to protected himself.  Someone tell me it will be ok.  I am supporting her in her decision but how do I get her to understand this is a life time journey!! Her father and I are in shock, never thought this would be our little princess!!

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 8:41 PM
Replies (21-30):
drfink
by Emily on Apr. 6, 2013 at 3:29 PM


Quoting bizzeemom2717:

She has you to stand by her side and the baby's thank goodness. I agree with the pp that said life happens when we are busy making other plans. Hugs and hang in there you guys are on the right track and it sounds like she is a smart girl. A baby is a blessing no matter what, I can guarentee you will be crying tears of JOY when you hold your Grandbaby for the first time Mama, I promise

100 % agree

racheal241977
by Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 3:53 PM

Big hugs to you, for sticking by her

I was 17 when I got pregnant with my now 18 year old daughter. It will be ok. & you are already doing a great job by sticking by her, a lot of parents don't. I would not flip out on her, but I would let her know that this baby is 100% her responsibility, & that you will do grandma things but not the mom things

She can still go to school & having a baby as a teen is not a life ending event. Life changing yes, but it does not have to ruin your life.. It will be all about the choices she makes, Which reading from your replies on here she has a pretty good head on her shoulders, & I am sure she will be a great mom, ( she has you to learn from). 

No matter what just let her know she is loved, & that the baby will be loved no matter what. 

Whats done is done, she can't take it back now, so no reason to give her crap about it, just help her move forward & plan for the future. 


racheal241977
by Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 3:58 PM

Quoting drfink:


Quoting Madisonjosmom:

Sadintucson-that is ever emotion that I am feeling. Just when I think everything will be ok, I think about all the things she will miss by being forced to "lay in the bed she made". I cry at random things because my heart is aching at everything she will be going through. The family members comments, comments her peers will make on "ruining her lfe". I could press charges also, he is 19 and she just turned 17, but what would that accomplish? It would make me feel better for a few moments but it takes two to tango. I am embracing the babies father because I feel if I don't he might make it difficult to see my grandchild who is an 11 weeks and 4 days old fetus!!! I am choosing to stand by my daugter, come hell or high water and I am praying that in the end, I am making the best decision for everyone involved. Our rules have not changed, home by 11am, school work before hanging out with friends, she is still doing her chores and than some. My husband FINAL said this morning, we will be alright!

She is a lucky girl to have yall as parents.I know this is not what your hopes and dreams for her were in any way but with all of you pulling together things can still be ok.She sounds like a pretty responsible kid so with effort and support she can still attend college.

I was 19 and in college and doing quite well when I became pregnant by my long term bfriend.When I told my mother at 3 months ...I knew she would all but literally kill me I was locked up in a religious maternity home in less than 72 hours.Everyone ignored I was an adult and threatened to track me and have my baby removed for being homeless if I broke out.My family and the fathers family were very worried what their friends at our country club would say sooo...anyway it will be harder than originally planned for all of you no doubt but for 36 years I have thought about him and missed him every single day.So ignore the relatives ,help and teach her to be the kind of parent you are.She is a lucky girl.


I am so sorry you had to go thru that, being apart of a search angel group I have seen more stories like this lately & its just heart breaking. Have you searched for him ? I can not imagine going thru anything like that. HUGS to you
21lisa72
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 4:40 PM

 

Quoting atlmom2:

Sad but you are right. Most baby daddies of teen mom's do split at some point.


Quoting 21lisa72:

 Well number one as hard as it is be there for her, dont be one of thoose moms that turn her away.  She has a long hard journey  ahead.  Is there anyway she could accelerate hs and maybe start local college before she gives birth?  Obviously her school changes are going to have to change so be supportive of that, I am sure that is upsetting to her, even if she has to take night classes with you helpng her watch the baby do all you can to help her and push her through school.   We never know how long the boy is going to be hopefully he will be there for her but you never know age wise etc.  I would definateley have a sit down with your daughter, the boyfriend and his parents because some financial arrangements need to be made and if he cant or wont beable to do it his parents should they are responsible till he is 21 (I would talk to an attorney about this), as time goes by and you see how committed this boy is going to be to your daughter and the baby get advice on what should be done re the babies last name, I know I probably sound nuts but sometimes I see these boys that are all for it make promises than the baby comes and they slowly split.  I pray thats not the way for her, just help her the best you can, be there to wipe her tears and try your best to find away so she can live out her college degree be it at a schoool that may not have been her choice-its welcome to motherhood giving up our needs for our childrens.  God bless her and her babies health and give you stregnth as well!

I wasnt trying to be negative, just realistic and that thankfully she has a supportive mom there for her that she will need for many years to come.  Yes it was a mistake but all babies are gifts.  She is lucky to have a supportive family many girls dont and thats when they just cant survive.  I was divorced at 28 and had two rn jobs and barley made it, and had to put him in daycare so a majority of my money went there.  My ex was an abusive jerk and got involved with drugs and never pays child support, so its a blessing her family stands by and helps.  My mom really didnt help me she blamed me for my divorce and said that I must have done something to make him treat me that way!  Men can just walk away-I dont know how they could leave their own kids its heartbreaking so help her to be realistic but not in a negative way because I am sure he is making her alot of promises but he is at the prime partying stage esp for guys and she will be home pregnant than with a child, maybe he will be different than the norm and I pray that is the way it will be!

 

Madisonjosmom
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 7:15 PM
I spoke to her guidance counselor at school yesterday, she has 4 credits she need to graduate so when she is finished with her junior year in June she can immediately start the four credits through virtual school and be done with high school in Dec. This news has lifted a load off our shoulders. She is due Oct 18 that gives her plenty of time to finish high school. My husband and I sat down with her today and told her as long as she is attending school we will feed her and the baby, keep a roof over both of their heads rent free. The money she makes can support the baby. Is this fair???

Some said to talk to his mom (no dad in the picture) I have tried 4 times!!!! Do I continue or just count her out??

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bexsmum
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 7:41 PM

I think you are being very fair with her. I would also add that she is the parent and you as the grandparents are willing to babysit with prearranged times/dates but will not parent the little bundle. My children did not get pregnant in highschool but DD's best friend since 5th grade did and at 15.  Her mom has been right there the whole time and she has a terrific support system and in order to suceed thats what you need.

On the BF mom's fron she may not want to process this yet,and as such is ignoring you. If BF is stepping up snd is a legal adult then I would think it is best to deal with him.

Lorik1969
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 8:07 PM
If she was 17 when she got pregnant then you probably can't press charges anyway. 16 is usually the cut off for that. Do you know the father? Is there a particular reason you don't like him? Or are you just angry that he got your daughter pregnant? How does she feel about him? As I said previously, I was 17 when my first was born. My parents obviously weren't happy. After the baby was born, I was still on the shit list but she was golden. However, if not for my parents I probably would not have graduated high school. Not going to college was my fault, they offered to pay for it and take care of the baby. Yes, she made her bed and she needs to deal with it. But, your support right now could affect the rest of her life. After my daughter was born I met other young mothers. The ones who had the support (if not approval) of their parents did much better in life than those who were basically told that they were on their own. Maybe try to find a suoport group so you can work through it with people who are in the same boat. Don't give up, everything will work out.


Quoting Sadintucson:

 My 17 year old is also pregnant and I am having a really hard time with it. She wants to keep it but I am struggling with that. She was seeing a MAN behind my back, so I had to deal with the fact she lied to me for a year as well as the fact that she was pregnant by him. She will be 18 in July and he will be 22 in October. I wan to file charges against him but I am scared to death that it will only alienate her and push her to him. I don't know how to get a grip on that fact that she is throwing everything away. I know I should support her, but I don't know how. I see the freight train coming and I, her mom who is supposed to protect her, can't get her off of the tracks. It is killing me. And her father is so angry with her that he is no help to me. He is going through his own hell. Everybody says support her, but on the other hand she made her bed, and needs to realize how hard that bed is. I don't know what to do. I'm scared I won't be able to acdept it. 


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Lorik1969
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 8:18 PM
I think you are being very fair and supportive! I think your daughter will be just fine. Where does the father stand in all of this? Is he still a part of your daughter's life? If you've made multiple attempts to contact his mother I would guve it up. Leave the door open for contact buy you may be better off without her around. Sadly, some parents of boys think it's the girl's parents problem, not theirs.


Quoting Madisonjosmom:

I spoke to her guidance counselor at school yesterday, she has 4 credits she need to graduate so when she is finished with her junior year in June she can immediately start the four credits through virtual school and be done with high school in Dec. This news has lifted a load off our shoulders. She is due Oct 18 that gives her plenty of time to finish high school. My husband and I sat down with her today and told her as long as she is attending school we will feed her and the baby, keep a roof over both of their heads rent free. The money she makes can support the baby. Is this fair???



Some said to talk to his mom (no dad in the picture) I have tried 4 times!!!! Do I continue or just count her out??




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drfink
by Emily on Apr. 6, 2013 at 8:37 PM


Quoting Madisonjosmom:

I spoke to her guidance counselor at school yesterday, she has 4 credits she need to graduate so when she is finished with her junior year in June she can immediately start the four credits through virtual school and be done with high school in Dec. This news has lifted a load off our shoulders. She is due Oct 18 that gives her plenty of time to finish high school. My husband and I sat down with her today and told her as long as she is attending school we will feed her and the baby, keep a roof over both of their heads rent free. The money she makes can support the baby. Is this fair???

Some said to talk to his mom (no dad in the picture) I have tried 4 times!!!! Do I continue or just count her out??

I think that is very fair.Is there any way she can look at scholarships or loans for college or skills training.There are many brick and mortar universities that offer significant amount of courses online.I suggest this because she will eventually be supporting herself and your grandchild .I have volunteered at our county hospital in a teen clinic.I work with sexually active teens.We work hard to make to help them graduate from high school and about half get further skills or go to college.This group that goes further in their education rarely has another pregnancy till they are married or living in a stable relationship.

I wouldn't give up on the father's family yet.Is he working or in college.He definitely needs to help support his child ...even if he works part time and is only ordered at first for 50 or 60 bucks a month.


Madisonjosmom
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 1:17 PM
We live in FL and have the prepaid plan, 4 years of college is paid for already with no expense to her. This is why I am so upset, we have set her up to be successful and now this hiccup, welcome to life!

I like her boyfriend, I would like him more if he had a job and some goals. He comes from a family that is not very motivated when it comes to school. He has never taken an ACT or an SAT test. My dd has taken both 2 times as a junior.
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