Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Tips for how to get bad kids out of our lives?

Posted by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 10:50 AM
  • 22 Replies

We just caught our 15 year old daughter sneaking out with her girl friend and 3 guys  (ages 16,17, and 18).  These guys do not go to her school.  We saw the boys facebook page and its full of marijuana posts and lots of pictures of them looking like they are in the wrong crowd. My husband I were quite upset by her judgement to be hanging with an 18 year old boy (that probably only wants one thing from these girls) and that their driving around in the middle of the night.  I thank God she is okay and was not violated.  Apparantly she has done this several times.  My husband wants to block these boys on her FB and Twitter and her phone.  She says they will still find her some how, they will still keep in contact regardless as they will wonder why they were blocked.  Whats your thoughts on how to get these creepers out of my daughters life?  I get it when you say no to a group a friends that will probably make her want to be with them even more out of defiance. Help!

by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 10:50 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 10:57 AM
3 moms liked this
Set limits on how much she can see and talk to these people. Monitor her conversations online with them and make them aware that mom and dad are watching, any physical interactions take place at your house with you and DH supervising. They'll get bored of having to play by your terms and they'll get bored of DD pretty soon. In saying so; this would all take place after a month of grounding, no electronics, extra chores/volunteering, AND an alarm on DD's window, random checks on her throughout the night, and possibly at least a week of sleeping on my (your) floor for sneaking out and endangering her life/future.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
MamaSnaps
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:08 AM

There are so many problems here. 

First, I can tell you that if mine got caught sneaking out like that there would be no facebook, phone, twitter or computer at all. I have the passwords to all of them and I'd be in there as quick as lightning to change the email address and password on them so she can't gain access any other way. 

You have a sentence that  says "she says they will still find her somehow, they will still keep in contact regardless..." As in your daughter said this and is very defiant about it? That would be another issue for me if she's being defiant and one that is not easy to deal with in any situation. It's probably going to backfire in your face no matter what you do if she's being defiant. I'd suggest a good counselor for the entire family to create different ways to deal with defiance. I have a defiant child and it's amazing the lengths he will go to in order to be defiant-even at 21 and out of my house. BUT, he's beyond just natural defiance to an actual oppositional defiant disorder. 

I'd find every bit of information on these boys and contact parents. It's probably not a great shot at help with what's appearing on their facebook pages but, do it anyway. Let the 18 year old know that you are not above pressing charges. 

I don't know if your daughter is on birth control or anything and this is probably going to be offensive but, have her tested and consider putting her on birth control. If she's done this multiple times chances aren't in your favor that she's a virgin. She may not have been 'violated' as in raped, but she's not going to tell you if she slept with any one of them or someone else either. Especially if she's showing defiance. In her mind it's none of your business and you are the Anti-Christ and all things evil. At least where this matter is concerned. 

atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:09 AM

Sometimes it is hard.  My dd didn't dumb a scumy friend till the "friend" stole money from dd and from me.  So glad she has been out of our lives for years. 

atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:10 AM


I agree.  Serious grounding for sneaking out.  MIne never did that and dh and I never did either. 

Quoting MamaSnaps:

There are so many problems here. 

First, I can tell you that if mine got caught sneaking out like that there would be no facebook, phone, twitter or computer at all. I have the passwords to all of them and I'd be in there as quick as lightning to change the email address and password on them so she can't gain access any other way. 

You have a sentence that  says "she says they will still find her somehow, they will still keep in contact regardless..." As in your daughter said this and is very defiant about it? That would be another issue for me if she's being defiant and one that is not easy to deal with in any situation. It's probably going to backfire in your face no matter what you do if she's being defiant. I'd suggest a good counselor for the entire family to create different ways to deal with defiance. I have a defiant child and it's amazing the lengths he will go to in order to be defiant-even at 21 and out of my house. BUT, he's beyond just natural defiance to an actual oppositional defiant disorder. 

I'd find every bit of information on these boys and contact parents. It's probably not a great shot at help with what's appearing on their facebook pages but, do it anyway. Let the 18 year old know that you are not above pressing charges. 

I don't know if your daughter is on birth control or anything and this is probably going to be offensive but, have her tested and consider putting her on birth control. If she's done this multiple times chances aren't in your favor that she's a virgin. She may not have been 'violated' as in raped, but she's not going to tell you if she slept with any one of them or someone else either. Especially if she's showing defiance. In her mind it's none of your business and you are the Anti-Christ and all things evil. At least where this matter is concerned. 



Come join me at The Duggars Debate, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

happinessforyou
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:13 AM

Teens are hard. But seriously, how would they still "find" her if she had no electronic connection? I would take all of these things away and they would have to be earned back. Some parents have had success with a written contract that both parent and teen put together. GL

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:15 AM

I have nothing to add, this pretty much says it for me.

Quoting MamaSnaps:

There are so many problems here. 

First, I can tell you that if mine got caught sneaking out like that there would be no facebook, phone, twitter or computer at all. I have the passwords to all of them and I'd be in there as quick as lightning to change the email address and password on them so she can't gain access any other way. 

You have a sentence that  says "she says they will still find her somehow, they will still keep in contact regardless..." As in your daughter said this and is very defiant about it? That would be another issue for me if she's being defiant and one that is not easy to deal with in any situation. It's probably going to backfire in your face no matter what you do if she's being defiant. I'd suggest a good counselor for the entire family to create different ways to deal with defiance. I have a defiant child and it's amazing the lengths he will go to in order to be defiant-even at 21 and out of my house. BUT, he's beyond just natural defiance to an actual oppositional defiant disorder. 

I'd find every bit of information on these boys and contact parents. It's probably not a great shot at help with what's appearing on their facebook pages but, do it anyway. Let the 18 year old know that you are not above pressing charges. 

I don't know if your daughter is on birth control or anything and this is probably going to be offensive but, have her tested and consider putting her on birth control. If she's done this multiple times chances aren't in your favor that she's a virgin. She may not have been 'violated' as in raped, but she's not going to tell you if she slept with any one of them or someone else either. Especially if she's showing defiance. In her mind it's none of your business and you are the Anti-Christ and all things evil. At least where this matter is concerned. 



happinessforyou
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:18 AM

You can also tell the "bad" kids to scram or you'll be calling the police. Isn't there a law about contributing to the delinquency of a minor? Or better yet, ask the police to "visit" this group of kids and explain how this is going to go down-meaning if they have any contact with this minor girl, the parents are going to press charges. Maybe that will make your child less appealing?

sabrtooth1
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 1:19 PM
1 mom liked this

I have NEVER understood it when people say that if the parent says NO, the kid will do it anyway, or want it more out of defiance.  My siblings and I did not do that.  My husband & his siblings did not do that.  Our kids and their friends did not do that.  The obvious difference is that we, our children, and the people we and they keep company with, respected and obeyed our parents. 

Water seeks it's own level.  Your daughter FOUND these boys, and WANTS to hang out with kids like this.  As to HOW she found them, well, obviously she has too much time on her hands, has too many electronics, is too unsupervised, and is not well disciplined.  Otherwise, she would not be finding these kinds of boys, or sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night.  She obviously has no fear of discipline, and no care that she disappoints her parents.

GET RID of her electronics.  She is too immature to have them.  Fill her time.  Unless she is a straight-A student, she needs to spend more time on her schoolwork, which she should do at the kitchen table, while you supervise her.   She should have A LOT of chores around the house, and be expected to volunteer in the community--and you should SUPERVISE her doing these things.  She should be involved in AT LEAST one sport, and one other extracurricular, and you should SUPERVISE her involvment to make sure she is where she is supposed to be, and that she comes home WITH YOU at the end of the activity. 

She should ONLY be seeing friends AT YOUR HOUSE, while you carefully supervise the kids.  She is not trustworth enough to let out the door alone.

chattycassie
by Bronze Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 1:28 PM

 Take away her ability to contact them. Don't let her use FB or a phone or any other type or social media. The older one who is 18 may be taken care of by a gentle reminder that your child is underage and he should not be contacting her. My daughter would be grounded for so long for this crap she knows way better.

MJP76
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 1:39 PM

Take away her Internet privlages. Also nail the windows shut, and put a padlock on the chain on your doors. If you don't have chains on your doors, install some, and then add the pad locks. That'll keep her from sneaking out.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)