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Stepdaughter getting physical with me

Posted by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 11:53 AM
  • 20 Replies

My 14 yr old stepdaughter has been aggressive with me before, but its starting to get a lot worse. She blows up at me when she is asked to do something,and wont look me in the face when I'm trying to explain something to her.We have been in two physical situations in the last two weeks. The first time she had me pinned to the floor and the second time she threw me against a wall. Im at my whits end and don't know what to do. Any advice would be great! TIA!

by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 11:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MamaSnaps
by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 11:55 AM

Get yourself the book Have A New Teenager By Friday. It will seriously help you. I promise. It will probably be the best $10 investment in your children and step-daughter you have ever spent. Honest! Cross my heart and all that stuff.


You can't control the child's actions but, you can control yours. By changing your actions and reactions you will cause a change in how the child reacts to you. However you are reacting now is getting you this response. Common sense tells us that if you react differently-so will she. "For each action there is an equal and opposite reaciton." If you want the ball to bounce back to the left, you throw it in a way that makes it bounce to the left... 

Right now she is getting the predicted reaction out of you-she knows how you are going to react to her shenanigans. If you change that she won't know what to do and she'll have to change her actions to get the reaction she wants from you.  

kbear560
by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 12:02 PM

iv tried that, it doesn't work... Its getting to the point where i cant even talk to her...

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Apr. 17, 2013 at 12:50 PM
Take her to the local police department. Have them explain what happens when you are arrested for assault and the juvenile detention/arrest process. Maybe that will give her a reality check? Physical violence so not ok. If that doesn't work call a crisis line and get a referral for teen anger management counseling
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cat4458
by Bronze Member on Apr. 17, 2013 at 1:09 PM

Oh, gosh I certainly feel for you! I have a 14 yo dd that has gotten mouthy starting around 12 & now is getting much better but she has said some pretty nasty things to me but never gotten violent & that's what I have always held on to (that at least she has never gotten physical) but I know I have never said it 'outloud' lol (you know never say never kinda thing).  I have found that the calmer I stayed the better outcome, but I know it's hard when they are pushing your buttons. Unfortunatly counseling hasn't worked but minimal.  I think part of it most counselors are not good with kids that are real defiant.  Mine has adoption issues RAD & maybe with the divorce it's played a part in her agression?  My advice is what I have found is keep a balance between taking stuff away & rewards not just one or the other (but both).  I know it's hard & I am not just saying it out of pity but pure empathy. I do know some kids are compliant (lucky parents who have those) and some are NOT for many reasons.

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Apr. 17, 2013 at 2:49 PM

Does she live with you? 




chattycassie
by Bronze Member on Apr. 17, 2013 at 2:55 PM

 Tough love call the cops. She is assulting you.

kbear560
by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 3:49 PM

She does live with us full time. I have taken things away and she doesnt care.. Her mother is Not in the picture and i think that plays a huge role in her behavior. Her father and i have spoken about it and if it does happen again i will be calling the cops and she knows that as well. It doesnt matter hoiw calm i stay with her she still gets upset and aggressive.

MamaSnaps
by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 3:59 PM

I'm really serious about the book. If you follow it you REALLY will change everything about your and her lives. 

atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 17, 2013 at 4:03 PM
I would have called the cops.
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surromama
by Member on Apr. 17, 2013 at 4:04 PM
2 moms liked this
This!! You don't have to put up with that. It could get much worse.

Quoting bizzeemom2717:

Take her to the local police department. Have them explain what happens when you are arrested for assault and the juvenile detention/arrest process. Maybe that will give her a reality check? Physical violence so not ok. If that doesn't work call a crisis line and get a referral for teen anger management counseling
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