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My daughter told me today that she is moving in with her boyfriend...errr

Posted by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 12:03 AM
  • 33 Replies

So my daughter who will be 18 in about two weeks told me that she is planning to move out when she is 18 and live with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend has a job, and was Navy bound until he had a "medical" condition which I don't even know is true. However, on the less he isn't leaving therefore they are making plans together.

I told my daughter she was welcomed to live here at home and save money for as long as she wants as long as she is attending school and working. She thanked me but made it very clear that she wants to live with her boyfriend. I am trying hard not to be in her face and tell her that living on your own is EXPENSIVE and very hard on a young unmarried couple.

She thinks I am upset because she was raised as a Catholic and knows that "living in sin" is not okay. However, I told her that was the least of my worries. I am more worried about her well being, the rest is between her and God.

 

Any advice?

by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 12:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 12:06 AM

Be in her face. Tell her how hard it is. Tell her how expensive it is. Let her know that at least half of the young people that move out with no money/knowledge of the difficulties end up at home within the first 12 months. Make her aware of how difficult it is. She needs to know - she needs to be forced to know

brookegregory
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 12:08 AM
2 moms liked this
I think u should let her make her own choice.. and no matter what age u r living on ur own is expensive so let her give it a try but let her know that no matter what she is welcomed to come back home no matter what time it is, she will always be able to come home if needed
marriedw6kids
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 12:20 AM

If I get "in her face" she will tune me out...I know because she has done it before. I feel like I need to let her fall on her face, and make mistakes. - However, I don't want her to think I support it either..so how do I play a middle ground? Or can I? -- I wish she was going to college or joining the service herself instead of making plans with her nerdy boyfriend who wears pink shoes.  UGH

drfink
by Emily on Apr. 22, 2013 at 12:23 AM

Is she out of high school?Do yall carry health insurance?Perhaps make a spread sheet showing true rent ,utilities ,car insurance ,gas ,car repair ,food ,clothes etc.

There is nothing wrong with young love but bills still need to be paid.

Do they both have full time jobs?

marriedw6kids
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 12:29 AM

No she isn't out of school and on her Dad's (my x's) health insurance. She has NO idea how expensive it will be. You have a great idea..a spreadsheet with all expenses. - Yes they both have full time jobs.

 

Bluebell80
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 5:29 AM
1 mom liked this

I was going to say the same. Make a list of all the expenses, as well as things that they might need to pay for, like breakages etc. I moved out when I was 18 but it was a real shock, you have no idea at that age how expensive everything is. I think though that you can't be too much against her as as you say, it will push her away and if it does goes wrong she needs to know that you'll support her and not just say 'I told you so'. She's old enough to make her own mistakes and learn from them.

Who knows, they might be really organized and cope really well. 18 is a bit young to settle down but that's something she has to learn herself. Make sure she still has some independence and let her know that you'll always be there for her. It's really hard though!

atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 22, 2013 at 7:34 AM
Let her find out how expensive it is. She can stay on your insurance even if she moves out and is working. Only good thing to come out of Obamacare if you ask me. Our dd has moved out and is 21 and still on dh's insurance.
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luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:54 AM
1 mom liked this

There isn't anything. I faced this with my son and his girlfriend, only girllfriend didn't have a job. My son could afford it, but had he stayed home another 9 months he could have had a down payment on a house, instead of blowing it on rent. Plus it meant he would not be able to go back to school which was ultimately what he was supposed to do.

He knew how I felt. I made it clear, and then he did what he wanted. As altmom said at least he stays on our insurance. 

Say your piece and then put it into her hands. Sometimes as parents we have to learn to let it go, and let their mistakes be their mistakes.

VivMom1970
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 10:09 AM
2 moms liked this

 My son did the same thing.  He and his gf moved in a week after hs graduation.  They learned it wasn't easy but 10 years later they are still together and doing really well.  I'm proud of both of them.

brookegregory
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 11:25 AM
2 moms liked this
i was 16 when me and my husband got engaged, we got married, had a baby and our own place all at the age of 16... 6 years later we r doing good, we have a 5 year old and a 4 month old.. life is great
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