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is it weird for a kid to act like this before leaving for college

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My daughter is really excited about the college she is going to, and is kind of giving up on the year already. Not with grades though, she still has As and Bs but she is fed up with almost everything else. Recently, she and her dad got in a little argument about something petty but instead of quickly resolving it like they usually do she ranted at him about how she was sick of being controlled and that he better start being more respectful. she said she had always been to scared to stand up to him but now she was almost out she wasn't going to just try and deal with stuff without standing up for herself. shes always been a pretty agreeable kid but thats all changed recently now she's almost out of this town and she claims shes just saying the stuff she always wanted to. she's basically ditched the girls i thought were her friends, all she said was she's sick of acting like she likes them. and this guy who i know likes her, i heard from my friend she rejected him pretty rudely. Im so shocked by this, ove never known her to be deliberately rude and i dont know whether to believe she really did hhave such big issues with everyone (though she always hated the small town we live in) or if theres a bigger problem going on. she says that shes sick of acting around people, and she just wants to get to college where she can have a new start. Do you believe this or is it something more i should be worried about?
by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 3:35 PM
Replies (21-30):
Maevelyn
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:53 PM

sounds pretty normal and healthy. She's breaking up with her old life so to speak. 

blue_apalt
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:53 PM

Mine are all elementary school and younger so take this for what you will as I have no personal experience, but I was thinking similar to drfink.  I can see the home stuff and the idea of "freedom" making her feel like she's at a point of trying to take full control of her life.  Although, that said, while I think that may be "normal" I agree w/ the 1st poster -if it's my house it will always be my rules on big things, and big or little you will be respectful,  Until I'm not supporting you at all and you are living fully on your own, I will always have some say on big issues, and you will be respectful even when we disagree if you live w/ me.

The rudeness and drop of "friends" though I would be a bit concerned about.  There is no reason, I can see up front that the desire for freedom and taking control of her own life, would mean being mean/flat out rude to a guy who likes you or make you drop your friends.   I think personally, if you're fairly able to talk openly w/ her, I would ask her about these things.  Perhaps she has a reason you aren't aware of for some of the rudeness towards him, and perhaps she never felt like she fit fully or well w/ her "friends" and figures she's now at a pt of being able to "break free" of that?  


Quoting drfink:

The rudeness is odd.Try talking with her.Kids sometimes cause more friction at home as they internally get ready to leave home.It makes it easier to seperate for some.

My older two have stayed friends with many h.s. friends but there were a few kids that seemed to drop a lot of friends.

The extreme rudeness seems a little extreme.There could be issues or her issue may be she is second guessing herself,feeling less confident right now and this is her way to convince herself she made the right choice for her college.This could be even with the perfect choice for college.




baquick
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:54 PM
1 mom liked this
This! I was horrible with my senioritis!

Quoting iamcafemom83:

Yes. It's called senioritis:)



My poor mom. I was a lot like this the last year of high school. Do you have any family near by? Sometimes spending a few nights with granma or an aunt might help. It did me, anyways. It gives each party some breathing space.



crzymmy5
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:55 PM

My son is wrapping up his senior year too ... he's SO STRESSED!! He has so much going on in his head. He's thinking about ending his high-school years with excellent grades and stressing about that ~ he's thinking about graduation, the summer, a job, moving out, college, he's in the process of getting his first novel published and that is putting a whole new twist on everything,  and on and on the list goes. 
Sometimes he's loosin' it and other times he's got it all under control. (believe me, in reality he's got it made and is totally in control, but he doesn't always see it that way) .

We haven't had any respect issues. We are all very close and he's really good at talking things out .... I'd maybe look into that issue a little more.

Overall ~ I'd say this is just part of growing up. 

Pooobaihr
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:56 PM

I've never been like that towards my folks, however, I understand how she feels. Maybe she feels she has to put up some kind of front in order to help your family look, "wholesome", when in reality, she may not really feel that way.

Mom2jngnc
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:56 PM


Quoting drfink:

The rudeness is odd.Try talking with her.Kids sometimes cause more friction at home as they internally get ready to leave home.It makes it easier to seperate for some.

My older two have stayed friends with many h.s. friends but there were a few kids that seemed to drop a lot of friends.

The extreme rudeness seems a little extreme.There could be issues or her issue may be she is second guessing herself,feeling less confident right now and this is her way to convince herself she made the right choice for her college.This could be even with the perfect choice for college.

I have a family full of adult men that do this as well. Well, RIP, but my Uncle used to try his best to tick me off before I left FL each spring. So that he would be *happy* to see me go. 

TheQueenOfChaos
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:56 PM

Eh sounds like typical senior stress.

Your senior year is typically the first time you get to experience real world stress. Not only is the thought of going off on your own frightening, but you have the pressure that's being put on you by your teachers to make sure you graduate. You have counselors who seem to pick the end of senior year to share horror stories of what happens if you step out of line and get stupid in college. In my school we had a counselor tell us that statistically a quarter of us who went to college would never graduate.

It's stressful. And if she doesn't know how to properly manage her stress she's going to bottle it and lash out.

I suggest three things to help.

First is letting her know that no matter how stressed she is, disrespecting others is not okay. As a senior she likely knows this, but probably need a reminder.

Second, this one is probably the most important, teach her how to manage her stress. Kids have stress, but not like adults. And she's getting a real taste of that, and she's probably lost on what to do with it.

And Third, find her some ways to relax. Whether its a once a week mom and daughter mani/pedi, playing some music, going to lunch. Not only teach her to relax, but do it together. A part of her stress is leaving you and her dad behind, she needs you now probably more than she ever has. And by that I mean time for the two of you. I know I needed my dad alot during my senior year and my first year in college. I just felt like going away was kind of like a goodbye, and it scared the crap out of me. We didn't live close to one another, but we made it a habit to call one another every night and just talk. It really helped with some of the nerves.

Gaining immediate independance is hard, and stressful. She'll be fine when she adjusts, she just needs to learn how to manage that and still be respectful to people.

Jujubee12
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:58 PM

could be stress..why not talk to her honestly and just ask whats up?

bmw29
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:59 PM
Sounds completely normal to me.
sarlove01
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:59 PM

id just talk to her about it. tell her you love her and want to continue to have a good relationship with her when she leaves. tell her her feelings are valid and you want to respect them but she needs to be respectful in the way she communicates them to you. tell her you are excited for her new beginning but that burning bridges is not a good idea. let her know that she needs to remeber who she is and not to lose herself in this new world shes going to. If she has always been agreeable, tell her thats something thats a great quality that youd hate for her to lose in the heat of all these emotions she  is having. Make sure to affirm her and tell her she is wonderful and will be great at what ever she does, but remind her again to keep her good sense and respect for others because as she will learn very soon, its not all about her (id say that last part differently, lol)

these are the things that wouldve helped me in this situation at at that age. just remember to affirm her wonderfulness and your love for her and keep calm, she needs an anchor right now.

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