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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Losing my battles, losing my sons....

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 1:53 AM
  • 37 Replies

So I think I've lost any respect my boys had for me. All because I enforce the rules we make. Kids these days are on their phones 24/7. Who knows what time they go to bed and then sleep with the phone plugged in on their pillows! They never get shut off.

So we have this rule at 9:30 every bodies phones get turned in to be charged for the morning. Well my husband always goes to bed an forgets to ask for them, which we shouldn't have to ask when they know the rule. Anyways everyone will usually turn them in except my 12 & 16yr old boys. They make me ask over and over. Then they start talking shit to me about how it's such a stupid rule, and they forgot their 7yrs old again. O and if dad asks for them "he's only asking cuz I told him to" that's what they say. But they do give them to him without talking back. Then I'm the bitch cuz I ask for them. 

Tonight my 16 yr old kept talking back to me, then had the nerve to say I get out of practice at 4:30. So I told him well tell your dad. He replies with ok he's the only one that loves me anyways. What the hell is a matter with kids these days? Everyone says girls are harder yea right my 17yr old is an angel compared to this disrespectful Lil jerk. What more can I do with this kid? Any suggestions

Update>a nice little update NOT! So last night Mr. Disrespectful is asking me if he can go over his gf's on Saturday, i say no. Then he goes on to tell me "dad said your a grown ass lady and you need to grow up already that your just all about drama & love drama." WOW REALLY!? So not only don't husband have my back he talks shit about me too! I just told my son your dad needs to realize he is your parent & not your friend. As soon as dad got home he ran and told him.  

O an the reason turn in time is so early is because my high schoolers have to be on the bus by 6am. 

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 1:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
beachbeauty
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 2:05 AM
1 mom liked this

To be honest I think taking the phone from a 16yo at 9:30 is kind of overkill and he's probably getting flack from it from his friends who try to text him later.  I would make sure you're giving him more freedom than the 12yo.  

But overall I wouldn't let them get to you, your problem is your husband, he needs to be backing you up.  And if they want to complain about the cell phone rule tell them they don't HAVE to have a cell phone, when they lose the attitude they can have the phone back.  Just remember that if your sons are stressed or upset about something they tend to act out more at home because it's a safe place, they know that they can be mouthy and we won't stop loving them.

Also, if your 16yo was mouthing off to you, then told you he gets out of practice at 4:30 I would be telling him he wouldn't be going to practice the next time he was disrespectful like that. 

justwannalive
by Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 2:29 AM


Well the 16 yr old never turns it in at 9:30 more like 10-10:30. He wants to stay on the phone all night till like midnight with his gf then he is tired and grouchy the next day. 

An you are so right about the husband, I have been telling him this, but he don't listen to me either. I do agree with you. I am to the point where I feel if they want to treat me like crap and act like I'm such a bitch, that maybe I should really start being one. Thank you for your thoughts.

Quoting beachbeauty:

To be honest I think taking the phone from a 16yo at 9:30 is kind of overkill and he's probably getting flack from it from his friends who try to text him later.  I would make sure you're giving him more freedom than the 12yo.  

But overall I wouldn't let them get to you, your problem is your husband, he needs to be backing you up.  And if they want to complain about the cell phone rule tell them they don't HAVE to have a cell phone, when they lose the attitude they can have the phone back.  Just remember that if your sons are stressed or upset about something they tend to act out more at home because it's a safe place, they know that they can be mouthy and we won't stop loving them.

Also, if your 16yo was mouthing off to you, then told you he gets out of practice at 4:30 I would be telling him he wouldn't be going to practice the next time he was disrespectful like that. 



yanamom
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 3:15 AM
4 moms liked this

Your house, your rules. And I personally don't think you are being unreasonable. You really do need to get your husband to back you up on this, as long as he "forgets" to have them turn in the phones, they will continue to try and get away with it.  If the 16 yo is tired and grouchy in the morning, then he needs to turn it off earlier.  I would tell the 16 yo that when he stops acting like a grade school kid, you will start treating him like 16 yo. Once his behavior improves, you might consider setting his turn in time to 10:30, but only as long as he VOLUNTARILY turns the phone in. If you have to remind him, then he must turn it in when everyone else does...

In a situation like this, I would tell them that you are making them responsible for turning in the phones. That if you have to remind them, they will loose them for a set period of time, how long they loose them would be up to you, but give them some general guidelines. Say, something like if they talk back, yell, say hurtful things, then they loose it for a week (or more). If they don't say anything but turn them in when asked, maybe a day or they get it back when they get home from school... and DON'T argue with them.

When my kids (currently 12 & 13) get like this, they loose all electronic privileges for at least a week. No computer, except for homework, which must be done where I can check what they are doing, no mp3 player, no game systems, no cell phone (and I get to answer the text messages during that time!) and no TV. Of course, what privileges they loose depend on their behavior, some times they just loose the cell phone, sometimes the TV, sometimes all electronics! At first they tried to argue with me, but I told them, they knew the rules, having a cell phone is a privilege and I won't argue with them. They only tried to argue a few times before they realized that they could not change my mind and the more they tried to argue the longer I kept the phone AND I would start taking away other privileges! Now they don't argue. They just ask how long before they can get the phone back! Although, sometimes I hear some muttering under their breaths about how mean I am, which I usually ignore...

 

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Apr. 25, 2013 at 9:03 AM
2 moms liked this
I hope girls aren't harder than boys because then I would be screwed. If my kids talked to me like that with enforcing the rules on their phones, I'd take the phones away. Let them live without a phone for a week and see what happens. Good Grief. It's like the world will end or something.
fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Apr. 25, 2013 at 9:07 AM
2 moms liked this
All the cell phones at our house are turned off at 8pm. I have a block on them that turns them off at 8pm and then allows use at 6am. They can have emergency calling to the house, or my dh and I's phone and that's it. We want to spend time with the kids and we can't if that phone is going off.
Quoting beachbeauty:

To be honest I think taking the phone from a 16yo at 9:30 is kind of overkill and he's probably getting flack from it from his friends who try to text him later.  I would make sure you're giving him more freedom than the 12yo.  

But overall I wouldn't let them get to you, your problem is your husband, he needs to be backing you up.  And if they want to complain about the cell phone rule tell them they don't HAVE to have a cell phone, when they lose the attitude they can have the phone back.  Just remember that if your sons are stressed or upset about something they tend to act out more at home because it's a safe place, they know that they can be mouthy and we won't stop loving them.

Also, if your 16yo was mouthing off to you, then told you he gets out of practice at 4:30 I would be telling him he wouldn't be going to practice the next time he was disrespectful like that. 

atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 25, 2013 at 9:08 AM
1 mom liked this
All of hs my DD's phones were mine at 9. They went to bed. No one gave them flack. If they did too damn bad.


Quoting beachbeauty:

To be honest I think taking the phone from a 16yo at 9:30 is kind of overkill and he's probably getting flack from it from his friends who try to text him later.  I would make sure you're giving him more freedom than the 12yo.  

But overall I wouldn't let them get to you, your problem is your husband, he needs to be backing you up.  And if they want to complain about the cell phone rule tell them they don't HAVE to have a cell phone, when they lose the attitude they can have the phone back.  Just remember that if your sons are stressed or upset about something they tend to act out more at home because it's a safe place, they know that they can be mouthy and we won't stop loving them.

Also, if your 16yo was mouthing off to you, then told you he gets out of practice at 4:30 I would be telling him he wouldn't be going to practice the next time he was disrespectful like that. 


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mystictigeress
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 9:18 AM

First thing you need to do is get hubby to back you up on everything, and I mean really back you up. If the kids backtalk you, he needs to be there to tell them to respect you and that you are their mother and love them no matter what. Second, why does the 16yr old have the same rules as the 12yr old? My 10 and 12 yr olds have earlier bedtimes and stuff, and don't even have cell phones...where as my 15 and 17yr olds go to bed an hour later and do have cell phones, and they are turned off at bedtime. They also know if they can't respect me and the rules, they loose the phones and internet priviledges. Those things are earned, not freely given. Maybe if you took his cell phone for a bit, he'd appreciate the rules a little better. I had to take my 16yr olds for a bit, but she changed her attitude completely after seeing momma wasn't playing games with her no more!

Not_A_Native
by Bronze Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 9:57 AM
1 mom liked this

At 16 and 17, your kids need to learn to self regulate.  I would NEVER think of taking phones away at that time.  Heck, my daughter is frequently not even home from dance then!  And yes, she's up early, between 5:30 and 6:00 am.  Yes, she's sometimes on the phone.  Or the computer (more than likely doing homework).

These kids aren't little - maybe you should rethink your rules.  What's going to happen when they go off to college?  They'll go nuts because they've never learned to do things themselves.

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:02 AM
1 mom liked this

Conviscate all the phone chargers and lock them up in your room.    If they want their phones charged, they will have to give you or Dh the phones before you go to bed.    There are also apps that allow you to turn off the phones at specific times.   

If the 16 yr old wants to talk back, do not give him his phone back.  




luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:43 AM
Bump for when not on my phone.
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