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Would this make you furious?

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I think my husband has a temper problem. Here's the latest example, and tell me if you would react the same way.

Last night, my husband was adding our 16-year-old son to our auto insurance policy. He went into our son's room and asked for his driver's license. Our son asked "why?" My husband said, "No, not WHY. I don't need to explain the reasons to you. Just hand me your license." My son looked all confused and said, "But why? What's going on?" Well, my husband lost it. He responded with God f'ing dammit, give me your f'ing license. Jesus Christ, I need it for something. F'ing godammit, don't challenge me and just lie there, you should be handing me your f'ing license! Son was freaked out and gave it to him, while hubby walked away muttering nothing but curse words. He was angry again when I told him he overreacted, what is WRONG with you. More cursing until I had to walk out of the room.

This is how he's been for years. I can't stand the cursing and temper anymore. I've put up with it for so long, and I'm at the end of my rope. What he did last night just pushed me even farther to the end. Forget counseling, he thinks I need it but he's perfect. He even said that once, that he has NO emotional issues, that he is a perfectly balanced individual. What to do? We've been together 17 years. And yes, he's always had a bad temper. When we were dating I didn't see it, it was only about a year after we were married it began to surface.
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:10 PM
Replies (11-20):
drfink
by Emily on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:59 PM

Wow I can't imagine my husband cussing our children out like that.He can lose his temper and be angry but not like that and never for such a very minor thing..I understand your son asking why out of curiosity .

Sorry I'm not sure my husband has any qualities that out weighs him behaving that way to our children especially if it is common.

Chelsey191
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:02 AM
I would be done.
hollydaze1974
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:05 AM
I'd do the recording first..... I wouldn't want to accidentally find a violent streak by mimicking him and him not realizing it.

Quoting boys2men2soon:

Oh yeah. I would have a BIG problem with that.    Nobody speaks to me or my kids like that.   My Dh curses, but he doesn't yell.

I would turn the table on him.... walk into the room and say "Let me have your wallet".  If he asks why, react in the same way he did with your son.   Yell, scream, curse...but do not answer the question.   It may give him food for thought?   

Perhaps you should video tape or record him having his little tantrums.   He may be quite surprised to actually witness how ignorant he sounds.

Joyzap2003
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:20 AM
1 mom liked this


This is exactly what I was thinking.

Quoting hollydaze1974:

Uh.... Sixteen yr old just got his license, suddenly parent demands it. A natural reaction would be " why?" ( is this a punishment?)

Father starts screaming at him, teen gets flustered asks " why, what's wrong?" (Oh, shit, I just got it and he's mad and is going to take it and I don't know what I've done)

I didn't read as he was whining like a two yr old, I took it as a simple , honest , valid question. All dad had to say is " I need to add you to insurance "

To put any blame on this child who's just asked a singular question that was met such a volitile

Quoting atlmom2:

Your husband sounds awful. Why are you with him?

2 issues though. Your son shouldn't have said why over and over like a 2 yo.



hollydaze1974
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:21 AM
1 mom liked this
Uh.... Sixteen yr old just got his license, suddenly parent demands it. A natural reaction would be " why?" ( is this a punishment?)

Father starts screaming at him, teen gets flustered asks " why, what's wrong?" (Oh, shit, I just got it and he's mad and is going to take it and I don't know what I've done)

I didn't read as he was whining like a two yr old, I took it as a simple , honest , valid question. All dad had to say is " I need to add you to insurance "

To put any blame on this child who's just asked a singular question that was met such a volatile way, and accusing him of adding fuel to this man's temper makes no sense to me... The second " why , what's going on?" Was out and out confusion and fear .

How is that a two yr old? A two yr old asks why over and over after you told them, not when a teen has been given no answer but just hatred and cursing. I don't get your argument, dad was having the tantrum, not the son.



Quoting atlmom2:

Your husband sounds awful. Why are you with him?

2 issues though. Your son shouldn't have said why over and over like a 2 yo.
hollydaze1974
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:47 AM
Sorry, Joyzap,
I must have hit enter too quickly. My full response is right below the first one... But you got the same vibe I did

Quoting Joyzap2003:


This is exactly what I was thinking.


Quoting hollydaze1974:

Uh.... Sixteen yr old just got his license, suddenly parent demands it. A natural reaction would be " why?" ( is this a punishment?)



Father starts screaming at him, teen gets flustered asks " why, what's wrong?" (Oh, shit, I just got it and he's mad and is going to take it and I don't know what I've done)



I didn't read as he was whining like a two yr old, I took it as a simple , honest , valid question. All dad had to say is " I need to add you to insurance "



To put any blame on this child who's just asked a singular question that was met such a volitile



Quoting atlmom2:

Your husband sounds awful. Why are you with him?


2 issues though. Your son shouldn't have said why over and over like a 2 yo.




daisykat
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:48 AM
Quoting hollydaze1974:



If I yell at him or challenge him in any way, he will scream and yell at the top of his voice. He'll punch walls. He's a scary dude when he gets like that.
Shellness
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:51 AM

 Its not good and not fun to live with. My husband responds with anger when he is stressed and worried over work and money and things like that but things have to get bad for him to get this way. To be this way all the time is another thing. Its just not fair to you or your son.

hollydaze1974
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:01 AM
Man, I'd start filing paperwork yesterday... This is verbal abuse that leads the physical at some point... What is you are closer than a wall? Plus, you don't want your son to continue to deal with these tirades and eventually think it's normal and begin the cycle himself with a Gf or family.

This is NOT normal, and he's had no repercussion for behavior... So maybe it's time to give him the big one. Find a lawyer, pack up your son ( and his license ) and get out of there, or get a lawyer that knows how to
Write up the HE has to leave the home and have police present when it is served and as he packs/ leaves the home. Then change the locks ASAP.

Quoting daisykat:

Quoting hollydaze1974:




If I yell at him or challenge him in any way, he will scream and yell at the top of his voice. He'll punch walls. He's a scary dude when he gets like that.
hollydaze1974
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:06 AM
Oh, and your son needs a chat with you... Something along the lines of " I'm sorry about how your father treated you, and how confused you must have been... Or regularly are. I'd like us to make a permanent change in this household so it is calmer and less hostile.. But it won't include your dad. What are your feelings about that?
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