Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Would this make you furious?

Posted by   + Show Post
I think my husband has a temper problem. Here's the latest example, and tell me if you would react the same way.

Last night, my husband was adding our 16-year-old son to our auto insurance policy. He went into our son's room and asked for his driver's license. Our son asked "why?" My husband said, "No, not WHY. I don't need to explain the reasons to you. Just hand me your license." My son looked all confused and said, "But why? What's going on?" Well, my husband lost it. He responded with God f'ing dammit, give me your f'ing license. Jesus Christ, I need it for something. F'ing godammit, don't challenge me and just lie there, you should be handing me your f'ing license! Son was freaked out and gave it to him, while hubby walked away muttering nothing but curse words. He was angry again when I told him he overreacted, what is WRONG with you. More cursing until I had to walk out of the room.

This is how he's been for years. I can't stand the cursing and temper anymore. I've put up with it for so long, and I'm at the end of my rope. What he did last night just pushed me even farther to the end. Forget counseling, he thinks I need it but he's perfect. He even said that once, that he has NO emotional issues, that he is a perfectly balanced individual. What to do? We've been together 17 years. And yes, he's always had a bad temper. When we were dating I didn't see it, it was only about a year after we were married it began to surface.
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:10 PM
Replies (21-30):
daisykat
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:35 AM
Quoting hollydaze1974:

Oh, and your son needs a chat with you... Something along the lines of " I'm sorry about how your father treated you, and how confused you must have been... Or regularly are. I'd like us to make a permanent change in this household so it is calmer and less hostile.. But it won't include your dad. What are your feelings about that?



We've had that talk already. My son and I are very close and he is very open with me when it comes to how he feels about stuff. I told him that dad has some anger issues and that he didn't do anything wrong by asking. The thing is too, when he goes out of town, the kids cheer and get all happy if they find out he's leaving for a week on business. Now, next week he's on vacation and the boys are like, OMG, can't he pick up some shifts and go to work?

Would you really leave? It's and easy thing to say, but doing it is another. He's always worried about money, and sometimes I think if we had more he'd be less hostile, less stressed. When I tell him he needs to lighten up, he tells me that I just "don't get it." He tells me that quite often, actually. I think he thinks I'm a moron.
gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 2:05 AM


Quoting daisykat:

Quoting hollydaze1974:

Oh, and your son needs a chat with you... Something along the lines of " I'm sorry about how your father treated you, and how confused you must have been... Or regularly are. I'd like us to make a permanent change in this household so it is calmer and less hostile.. But it won't include your dad. What are your feelings about that?



We've had that talk already. My son and I are very close and he is very open with me when it comes to how he feels about stuff. I told him that dad has some anger issues and that he didn't do anything wrong by asking. The thing is too, when he goes out of town, the kids cheer and get all happy if they find out he's leaving for a week on business. Now, next week he's on vacation and the boys are like, OMG, can't he pick up some shifts and go to work?

Would you really leave? It's and easy thing to say, but doing it is another. He's always worried about money, and sometimes I think if we had more he'd be less hostile, less stressed. When I tell him he needs to lighten up, he tells me that I just "don't get it." He tells me that quite often, actually. I think he thinks I'm a moron.

I'd change the locks during the trip, get a restraining order and have him served with divorce papers while he's gone. Hell yes, you leave someone like this.

daisykat
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 8:42 AM
If I left, it would rock his world. I've been with him and tolerated this for so long. My dad is the same way. He calls himself "Master of the household." Once, when I got into a fight with him, he told me I could leave, because he wasn't going anywhere. He said, "This is MY house, MY car and MY stuff. I EARNED it," and he meant it. The other night we were talking about a celebrity divorce and the outrageous child support payments, and he said, "Eight hundred dollars for two kids is more than enough. Too much, actually." We have two sons, and with his pay that would be how much I'd probably get. I was stunned. I said, "How did you come up with that number?" He hesitated and said, "It was just a number I made up." Mmmmmmkay, whatever. He's told me several times that he's 50 and he has nothing to show for his life and hard work. I would love for him to have a motorcycle, a boat, a new truck, but it's not in the budget right now. I wonder, if he had those things, would he be satisfied? Would his temper ease up? And until he gets them, I'll never have any way of knowing.
daisykat
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 8:44 AM
BUMP
hollydaze1974
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:27 AM
You've dealt with this for 17 yrs.correct? How great has the marriage been? Does he not tell you what you don't " get"? Does he EVER explain, apologize, or mellow out at all?

If he punches walls when you get a " mad" on then he doesn't " get it" either. He has said you can go to counseling, but HE is totally emotional stable, correct?

Your kids love it when he's gone ( you might, too?)

17 yrs.... A year after getting married this persona shows up, a child that is sixteen, I'm sorry I'm sorting the facts.

If it were me ( and it's not) the fact that my children are freaked out that their father is going to BE HOME for a whole week instead of delighted , and I was having to make excuses for his behavior ( fancy word is enabling)
I would have left earlier because he's misrable and he is verbally/ emotionally abusive to everyone at home, and a propensity to be violent.
I'm sure you love him, but, again, if it were ME. I'd start proceedings for divorce, or at the very least a separation for at least three months.

No I'm sorry, I'll be better, hell, either way I'd want to see a certificate of completion of an Anger Management class!

IF. IT. WERE. ME, yes, I'd leave him, because it is abusive behavior against you and your children.
Your husband sounds like like my father (minus the wall punching) and you are like my mother. They divorced after 24 yrs, I really wished it had been sooner. They waited until I was away at college....I am now a firm believer that when there is a sadness, or anger, or "eggshell walking" in the house, that a separation should happen sooner than later. It is better for the children, it would have been better for me as I knew at ten she was miserable, I mean she told me so, ( yeah don't put that on your kids, btw.) :-)

I'm sorry, I, myself, in your position , would have ended an abusive marriage much earlier.



Quoting daisykat:

Quoting hollydaze1974:

Oh, and your son needs a chat with you... Something along the lines of " I'm sorry about how your father treated you, and how confused you must have been... Or regularly are. I'd like us to make a permanent change in this household so it is calmer and less hostile.. But it won't include your dad. What are your feelings about that?





We've had that talk already. My son and I are very close and he is very open with me when it comes to how he feels about stuff. I told him that dad has some anger issues and that he didn't do anything wrong by asking. The thing is too, when he goes out of town, the kids cheer and get all happy if they find out he's leaving for a week on business. Now, next week he's on vacation and the boys are like, OMG, can't he pick up some shifts and go to work?



Would you really leave? It's and easy thing to say, but doing it is another. He's always worried about money, and sometimes I think if we had more he'd be less hostile, less stressed. When I tell him he needs to lighten up, he tells me that I just "don't get it." He tells me that quite often, actually. I think he thinks I'm a moron.
hollydaze1974
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:48 AM
Jeez I keep reading tidbits, hon, I would so leave. I just would. If he wants toys over you guys and you thinks that's why he's mad. The fact that he doesn't think he has anything show for it with a family standing right with him... Then it seems you are a " burden" and holding him back, so do everyone in this dynamic a favor and get the eff out.

Quoting hollydaze1974:

You've dealt with this for 17 yrs.correct? How great has the marriage been? Does he not tell you what you don't " get"? Does he EVER explain, apologize, or mellow out at all?



If he punches walls when you get a " mad" on then he doesn't " get it" either. He has said you can go to counseling, but HE is totally emotional stable, correct?



Your kids love it when he's gone ( you might, too?)



17 yrs.... A year after getting married this persona shows up, a child that is sixteen, I'm sorry I'm sorting the facts.



If it were me ( and it's not) the fact that my children are freaked out that their father is going to BE HOME for a whole week instead of delighted , and I was having to make excuses for his behavior ( fancy word is enabling)

I would have left earlier because he's misrable and he is verbally/ emotionally abusive to everyone at home, and a propensity to be violent.

I'm sure you love him, but, again, if it were ME. I'd start proceedings for divorce, or at the very least a separation for at least three months.



No I'm sorry, I'll be better, hell, either way I'd want to see a certificate of completion of an Anger Management class!



IF. IT. WERE. ME, yes, I'd leave him, because it is abusive behavior against you and your children.

Your husband sounds like like my father (minus the wall punching) and you are like my mother. They divorced after 24 yrs, I really wished it had been sooner. They waited until I was away at college....I am now a firm believer that when there is a sadness, or anger, or "eggshell walking" in the house, that a separation should happen sooner than later. It is better for the children, it would have been better for me as I knew at ten she was miserable, I mean she told me so, ( yeah don't put that on your kids, btw.) :-)



I'm sorry, I, myself, in your position , would have ended an abusive marriage much earlier.







Quoting daisykat:

Quoting hollydaze1974:

Oh, and your son needs a chat with you... Something along the lines of " I'm sorry about how your father treated you, and how confused you must have been... Or regularly are. I'd like us to make a permanent change in this household so it is calmer and less hostile.. But it won't include your dad. What are your feelings about that?







We've had that talk already. My son and I are very close and he is very open with me when it comes to how he feels about stuff. I told him that dad has some anger issues and that he didn't do anything wrong by asking. The thing is too, when he goes out of town, the kids cheer and get all happy if they find out he's leaving for a week on business. Now, next week he's on vacation and the boys are like, OMG, can't he pick up some shifts and go to work?





Would you really leave? It's and easy thing to say, but doing it is another. He's always worried about money, and sometimes I think if we had more he'd be less hostile, less stressed. When I tell him he needs to lighten up, he tells me that I just "don't get it." He tells me that quite often, actually. I think he thinks I'm a moron.
mommersx4
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:15 AM

Your family is being verbally abused. Please talk to a therapist about this. This treatment from his father, will change who your son is.

DropZoneMom
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:43 PM

I agree that you should go to counseling -- so you can figure out why you continue allowing yourself & your kids to be verbally abused by this asshole.

vlynn.iowa
by Bronze Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:14 PM

Yes, he does have a problem.  

atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 26, 2013 at 3:14 PM
Break the cycle and get out.


Quoting daisykat:

If I left, it would rock his world. I've been with him and tolerated this for so long. My dad is the same way. He calls himself "Master of the household." Once, when I got into a fight with him, he told me I could leave, because he wasn't going anywhere. He said, "This is MY house, MY car and MY stuff. I EARNED it," and he meant it. The other night we were talking about a celebrity divorce and the outrageous child support payments, and he said, "Eight hundred dollars for two kids is more than enough. Too much, actually." We have two sons, and with his pay that would be how much I'd probably get. I was stunned. I said, "How did you come up with that number?" He hesitated and said, "It was just a number I made up." Mmmmmmkay, whatever. He's told me several times that he's 50 and he has nothing to show for his life and hard work. I would love for him to have a motorcycle, a boat, a new truck, but it's not in the budget right now. I wonder, if he had those things, would he be satisfied? Would his temper ease up? And until he gets them, I'll never have any way of knowing.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)