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Would this make you furious?

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I think my husband has a temper problem. Here's the latest example, and tell me if you would react the same way.

Last night, my husband was adding our 16-year-old son to our auto insurance policy. He went into our son's room and asked for his driver's license. Our son asked "why?" My husband said, "No, not WHY. I don't need to explain the reasons to you. Just hand me your license." My son looked all confused and said, "But why? What's going on?" Well, my husband lost it. He responded with God f'ing dammit, give me your f'ing license. Jesus Christ, I need it for something. F'ing godammit, don't challenge me and just lie there, you should be handing me your f'ing license! Son was freaked out and gave it to him, while hubby walked away muttering nothing but curse words. He was angry again when I told him he overreacted, what is WRONG with you. More cursing until I had to walk out of the room.

This is how he's been for years. I can't stand the cursing and temper anymore. I've put up with it for so long, and I'm at the end of my rope. What he did last night just pushed me even farther to the end. Forget counseling, he thinks I need it but he's perfect. He even said that once, that he has NO emotional issues, that he is a perfectly balanced individual. What to do? We've been together 17 years. And yes, he's always had a bad temper. When we were dating I didn't see it, it was only about a year after we were married it began to surface.
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:10 PM
Replies (31-40):
supercarp
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 3:26 PM

He way overreacted. Plus he started out all wrong. What he should have done was sit down with your son and go over with him the insurance policy and what putting him on it will cost. The boy should also have a feel for what happens if he gets a ticket.

Being a parent involves teaching not just providing.

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Apr. 26, 2013 at 4:28 PM


Quoting atlmom2:

Your husband sounds awful. Why are you with him?
2 issues though. Your son shouldn't have said why over and over like a 2 yo.

Normally, I would agree that a teen repeatedly asking Why? is immature.... but in this case my thought is that the kids thought Dad was taking his license away as a consequence. and the poor kid didn't do anything wrong.     I may be off base, but that's what I would think if someone was demanding my license without explanation.




daisykat
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 4:29 PM
He taught him how to drive a car, which was no picnic. He was just learning how to drive, and hubby taught him some smart tips, but any time our son made a mistake (braking too hard, parallel parking, merging) he would yell. It got to the point that when my son knew he was going out driving with his dad, he'd get sick to his stomach. I once told him to watch out from the backseat and hubby yelled at me to shut up, he's in charge.

I just don't know what the hell to do. You ladies have given me great advice and it's opened my eyes, but leaving would be so tough emotionally. I know that's selfish and I need to think about my sons. My hubby just obsesses over money, and do you think that would fix the problem? I don't know what amount would satisfy him. And I feel like I'm the cause of the problem because I earn less than he does, so I guess I feel like I deserve it. Twisted, huh?
mommersx4
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 8:13 PM

That man has your self esteem so, so low. It is so, so sad. Would you want a man like that to marry your daughter or best friend?

daisykat
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:17 PM
Quoting mommersx4:

That man has your self esteem so, so low. It is so, so sad. Would you want a man like that to marry your daughter or best friend?



HELL no. I just got home from work about 15 minutes ago and I walked into the living room, and the dog got excited and knocked the remote off the couch armrest. Hubby's show stopped and he had to find the place in the movie where it left off. He yelled at the dog, calling her a f'ing g-damm
son of a bitch. Like 20 times. He overreacts to everything. I'm tired and I don't want to sleep in the same bed with him. But really, do you think if he had more money he'd settle down and be happy?
daisykat
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 12:08 AM
1 mom liked this
And something else- I want to thank you all for responding to my post. Even tonight when he was acting like a dick I felt better because I knew I was justified in thinking he's being a monster. It feels comforting to have the support of you ladies and knowing I'm not crazy, stupid, and I'm beginning to believe that maybe I'm not the cause of his irrational behavior, but that he's using me as an excuse.
wickedstepjenn
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 12:35 AM
1 mom liked this
My first husband was exactly like this. Turns out ges bi-polar and scisofranic (I'm sorry I can't spell it) he's a very sick man. He would blow up over a missing pair of socks or anyone questioned him. He also had this daily morning rant he had to do every morning. Be careful challenging him. I'd get away. I know you've been together a long time and that's exactly why you should. Be free and your sons old enough now to understand and cope. Good luck


Quoting daisykat:

Quoting hollydaze1974:




If I yell at him or challenge him in any way, he will scream and yell at the top of his voice. He'll punch walls. He's a scary dude when he gets like that.

mamavalor
by Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 8:42 AM

I think the anger may come from the stress of being the provider of the family, the constant worrying, the need to be able to make enough money to keep his family alive, and all the other stuff a dad/husband needs to do.  Having a wife and kids ain't cheap.  It's very draining.

I figured this out from living in a house with such a dad.  Now that he's retired and all of us are grown up and out of the house, he has relaxed A LOT, almost like a new person.  Almost.  He still has his moments.

mommersx4
by Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 2:46 PM

 I'm sorry but I am the only provider of my son and have constant (keep me up at night) worry about money, car, health issues etc. But, I never act like that. He is an abusive man!!!! Stress only makes him more of the monster he already is. Did he hit the dog when the remote fell? If he is hitting walls sorry but you or the kids or next. Yes, I was in a relationship like this, and now I am alone with my son, we are relaxed and happy. He ended up hitting my dog on the head with a broom for eating a loaf of bread off the counter.


Quoting mamavalor:

I think the anger may come from the stress of being the provider of the family, the constant worrying, the need to be able to make enough money to keep his family alive, and all the other stuff a dad/husband needs to do.  Having a wife and kids ain't cheap.  It's very draining.

I figured this out from living in a house with such a dad.  Now that he's retired and all of us are grown up and out of the house, he has relaxed A LOT, almost like a new person.  Almost.  He still has his moments.


 

MrsBLB
by Missi on Apr. 27, 2013 at 2:52 PM
1 mom liked this

I wouldn't be there until he got it together.  I would NOT have my children around it at all.  Good luck to y'all, I hope you can work it out.

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