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Would this make you furious?

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I think my husband has a temper problem. Here's the latest example, and tell me if you would react the same way.

Last night, my husband was adding our 16-year-old son to our auto insurance policy. He went into our son's room and asked for his driver's license. Our son asked "why?" My husband said, "No, not WHY. I don't need to explain the reasons to you. Just hand me your license." My son looked all confused and said, "But why? What's going on?" Well, my husband lost it. He responded with God f'ing dammit, give me your f'ing license. Jesus Christ, I need it for something. F'ing godammit, don't challenge me and just lie there, you should be handing me your f'ing license! Son was freaked out and gave it to him, while hubby walked away muttering nothing but curse words. He was angry again when I told him he overreacted, what is WRONG with you. More cursing until I had to walk out of the room.

This is how he's been for years. I can't stand the cursing and temper anymore. I've put up with it for so long, and I'm at the end of my rope. What he did last night just pushed me even farther to the end. Forget counseling, he thinks I need it but he's perfect. He even said that once, that he has NO emotional issues, that he is a perfectly balanced individual. What to do? We've been together 17 years. And yes, he's always had a bad temper. When we were dating I didn't see it, it was only about a year after we were married it began to surface.
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:10 PM
Replies (51-58):
momof3198
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 3:22 AM
make your husband go to the doctor it doesn't even have to be for his attitude because chances are uf he knows that is your reason for taking him jje would rebel just go with him as him and then tell the doctor about everythingthat has been going on trust me I have had to do the samething with my husband. When you go also be ready to give a list of any mental diseas his family has/had so they can help him by making a better diagnosis. He will have to check in at set intervals with his doctor and be tested to make sure his meds are still working.
GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 3:26 AM

Nobody else has said this - but imagine your sons. they're what 17 and 10? Imagine five/ten years from now, walking up your sons driveway to have dinner at his house. As you go to ring the doorbell, you drop your keys. As you bend to pick them up, you hear yelling. It's your son; yelling at his girlfriend. Telling her that it was her fault that dinner would be late, that she would never be good enough, that you were going to hate her on sight because she "CAN'T COOK A DAMN LASAGNE RIGHT". He's berating the absolute crap out of her. And why? Because that's what the cycle does. It's been in my family for years. Hell I've even noticed my DD treating her siblings like crap because  of what I've put her through. Get out and start teaching your son right from wrong. Oh - and on the bank accounts, go to your boss, tell him that you need your money paid into YOUR account. Yes most couples do have joint accounts and joint cards, but you ARE going to leave him, no ifs or buts about it, so you need to start saving.

proudmother5946
by Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 5:20 AM
Quoting daisykat:

I have another question for you ladies- When I get my paycheck, it has to be deposited into HIS account. My paychecks are substantially less than his, but I'm going to be getting a significant promotion in the coming weeks. How do you handle money in your households? Separate accounts? Or the same? I'm tired of having to ask for permission to pull money out and when I do ask, it's met with an eye roll and a weary sigh. Then I have to justify what it's for, then withstand a lecture on how we don't have much money. Like it's my fault there's an electric bill. Does anybody else have this song and dance, or have you? Who controls the money?


My ex would give me $5 for bus fare. When he bought me a car, I got $5 for gas (weekly) and $5 for laundry for 4 people. Direct deposit was the best thing that ever happened for me. One day he got pissy and took me off of our joint account. He said I couldn't be trusted. I had all my pay go to my account. When I got a raise, he never knew about it. Then he wanted me to have my paychecks direct deposited to his account. I told him I couldn't because my name wasn't on the account. I would deposit a set amount of money in his account for bills. Nothing more. He had no knowledge of my income. His thinking was his money was his money, my money was his money. He actually had the nerve to ask me to be "conservative" with my personal care products. WTF. But he could have all the beer and cigarettes he wanted.
Ewa101
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 8:38 AM

I think counseling is definitely in order.  And if he refuses, I read that even if you go to counseling on your own, it might help, beecause sometimes we trigger behaviors in our spouses that we hate.  So a counselor might advise you what to do about the outbursts, and maybe how to prevent them.

I like the idea of recording him, but seeing you with a camera, might even drive him to a more violent outburst, now towards you.  Does he ever get physical?

I hate cursing.  I don't curse myself, and will not allow anyone to curse at me, or in my presence.  My kids don't curse (at least not when I am around), and if my husband slips, I walk out of the room, saying that he can talk to me when he calms down.  It has worked for over 30 years of marriage!!!


gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 3:10 PM


Quoting daisykat:

I have another question for you ladies- When I get my paycheck, it has to be deposited into HIS account.
Another sign of abuse.
My paychecks are substantially less than his, but I'm going to be getting a significant promotion in the coming weeks. How do you handle money in your households? Separate accounts? Or the same?
Joint account, set budget, we have to agree on all expenditures over $100.
I'm tired of having to ask for permission to pull money out and when I do ask, it's met with an eye roll and a weary sigh. Then I have to justify what it's for, then withstand a lecture on how we don't have much money. Like it's my fault there's an electric bill. Does anybody else have this song and dance, or have you? Who controls the money?

DAISY. I CANNOT MAKE IT ANY CLEARER.

You have a ROTTEN husband. He THINKS he's a man but he's a BULLY. ANd he's BULLIED YOU into being someone who can't make up her mind.

NO ONE should be treated this way. NO ONE ON EARTH.

GET THE HELL OUT TODAY.

lovelymom32
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 7:07 PM
Sorry my husband is the same I don't know how to tell him to stop it comes from no where and is the most dum things he goes nuts about when u find something the works please let me know
gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 7:09 PM


Quoting lovelymom32:

Sorry my husband is the same I don't know how to tell him to stop it comes from no where and is the most dum things he goes nuts about when u find something the works please let me know

You cannot fix this. He has to fix himself. If he refuses, then the marriage is already dead and buried and it's past time to leave.

MamaSnaps
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 7:21 PM

It's an old school mentality. My DH had/has it sometimes. It was how mine was raised. You never question the parents and just do as instructed. About 10 or 12 years ago I put my foot down and said OH HELL NO to it. I made him get an anti-depressant to deal with the anger part of it. I gave him the ultimatum: he had 2 weeks to get seen by his doctor and get something for depression and anger issues or he'd find the locks changed until he did it. Then I made him read several parenting technique books that I have from being a teacher. I literally read one of them out loud to him.
After he got the idea of all of it we had a code phrase and if he started off I simply stated the phrase and he had to stop, tell the kid to wait just a minute and then we'd discuss it. I couldn't undermine him by stopping him and telling him he was out of line and "save" the kid from him-thus the phrase. Now the older kids just laugh at the keyword. The foster hasn't figured it out yet because we hardly ever have to use it anymore.  

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