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Boundary issues with my 14 y/o DD

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I would like some advice.  DD is a teenager who at one time I would have bet money she was slightly on the aspergers scale.  I still think that way but she has really grown a lot socially.  Anyway....  here are some issues I am having trouble dealing with:

She lost her phone and iPod due to the excessive texting and social networking sites where her profiles were adjusted to appear older.  Constant communication from boys much older.    Oh and the underwear pics she would send them too.  I did find one pic on her phone that gave me more information about my daughters "grooming" habits than I ever care to know. 

Of course I have the typical issues with refusing to do chores, she comes home from school and eats before I get home and then goes to sleep to get out of doing anything....but this is nothing.

She is in my bedroom all of the time.  She takes my clothes and stretches them out (she used to do this to my size 5 1/2 shoes when she wore a 7).  She will even take and wear my thong panties without a thought.  She just doesn't think it is gross at all.  (She has her own pretty ones)  For awhile I noticed a "package" of stuff I kept on a top shelf of my closet, pushed way to the back, had appeared to be moved.  I convinced myself it was my imagination.  Well it wasn't and I got a very real eye opener one day when I saw the envelope opened and turned to face out.  GOOD GRIEF!!!  She had helped herself to my vibrator several times.  Fortunately, that one wasn't one I used anymore.   Her excuse was one of her friends was talking about one and she wanted to know what it was.  Yeah right.   She didn't think that was gross either.

WTH am I supposed to do with her?  Besides putting a lock on my door how do I get her to respect anything?  Oh, and I did throw the vibe away. 

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:00 PM
Replies (11-17):
bizzeemom2717
by on May. 4, 2013 at 1:21 PM
I would get some outside help then. Good luck

Quoting WendyMomOf4:

 Oh yes, we have had many "talks".   Many.....every topic.  Even on the vibrator issue. 

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FL2AK
by on May. 5, 2013 at 1:34 AM
If you think she is on the spectrum it is likely that she does not understand boundaries. To her wearing underwear is the same as wearing a shirt. Borrowing a sex toy is the same as borrowing a hair brush. She probably also does not understand how to safely navigate social websites. Curiosity about sexuality and immaturity in social skills is an accident waiting to happen.
GleekingOut
by Silver Member on May. 5, 2013 at 6:46 AM


This. This is exactly what happened with my Aspergers special needs child. Thankfully she's scared enough of loosing her virginity that she never did anything, but there were lots of talk about porn, innappropriate flirting, touching, etc.

Quoting FL2AK:

If you think she is on the spectrum it is likely that she does not understand boundaries. To her wearing underwear is the same as wearing a shirt. Borrowing a sex toy is the same as borrowing a hair brush. She probably also does not understand how to safely navigate social websites. Curiosity about sexuality and immaturity in social skills is an accident waiting to happen.



mumsy2three
by Shauna on May. 5, 2013 at 12:24 PM

I'd get a lock for your door and find a counselor for her.

Has she been formally diagnosed with aspergers or is it just suspected? Not that it makes a difference in dealing with her behavior issues, but it would make a difference in who I would seek out for counselling.

metalmomma86
by Member on May. 6, 2013 at 12:27 AM

First, you need to get her actually diagnosed, then to a counselor that can help you deal with it and help you set boundaries that will work.


And there is nothing wrong with putting a lock on your bedroom door.


WendyMomOf4
by on May. 7, 2013 at 9:51 PM

 Trying to get her diagnosed at this point is pretty much a lost cause.  I did take her to a counsellor that was "The Aspergers Guy"....you know, the counsellor that diagnosed everyone with aspergers.  Well....he gave us 3 different parental evaluations of her behavior and she scored way off the charts on all three.  But despite a 20 minute conversation with her, he felt she didn't have it.  I could still pursue it but I don't honestly think it will help at this point.  Counsellors really don't have an ideal what I have gone through and I am almost exhausted at the thought of trying it again. 

 

WendyMomOf4
by on May. 7, 2013 at 9:55 PM

 You know this actually makes sense.  In trying to get her to understand the grossness of wearing my panties or taking my vibe, she just didn't get it.  I even got very graphic about it for further emphasis and she still didn't get it. 

My ex husband is absolutely convinced she has an impulse control disorder because she states she can't help herself and feels guilty after.  Ugh.

Quoting FL2AK:

If you think she is on the spectrum it is likely that she does not understand boundaries. To her wearing underwear is the same as wearing a shirt. Borrowing a sex toy is the same as borrowing a hair brush. She probably also does not understand how to safely navigate social websites. Curiosity about sexuality and immaturity in social skills is an accident waiting to happen.

 

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