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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

I am at a loss

Posted by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:33 AM
  • 28 Replies

My dd is 14. Her dad and I are divorced. We don't exactly like each other but get along enough for her.

I have been dealing with her acting out, cutting school, skipping classes, backtalking, hateful hateful attitude, for years now. He doesn't help at all in regards to it. Weekends with dad are all about fun....

He is also years behind in child support, an ex-con, and a waste of space. But it's her dad so she gets to see him on weekends, mostly every other but sometimes in a row.

Now she has been on this kick for weeks about living with him. I am at my wits end after talking to her dean today because she was skipping class again, and hiding in the girls bathroom, and is all emotional just wanting to leave and go live at her dads. I am about to make it happen. I let her go home for the day, what choice did I really have? Even the dean was wanting me to say it was ok. I have two smaller kids to take care of, and it's hard with all of the yelling and screaming with her. I am tempted to just let her go....

Does that make me a bad mom???? I am so upset about all of this but I don't know what to do anymore. I have a 5 year old she just yells at, treats like crap, is just cruel to. Never wants to have anything to do with her. I also have a baby boy so he has to listen to all of this.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH I just want to scream.

Any advice?

And she used to be in counseling, back when she was 8 - it has been going on this long. And that needless to say was useless.

by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:33 AM
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Replies (1-10):
OHgirlinCA
by Bronze Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:35 AM

 I think some family counseling could do you all some good.

Talienas
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:43 AM

 

she won't go for it.

Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 I think some family counseling could do you all some good.


 

OHgirlinCA
by Bronze Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:44 AM

 She's 14.  You don't give her a choice.

Quoting Talienas:

 

she won't go for it.

Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 I think some family counseling could do you all some good.

 

 

 

DropZoneMom
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:56 PM
4 moms liked this

Let her go live with her dad -- yes, I'm serious.  Tell her you know how unhappy she is with you & all your rules, but that she can always come back.   Then let her father try actually parenting (for once) -- they'll both learn that living together full time is a hell of a lot of WORK, and not nearly as 'fun' as your daughter thinks it's going to be.   If she flunks school this year -- well, she'll just have to make it up in summer school, or by repeating the whole year.     They're called 'consequences' -- and I have the feeling your daughter hasn't had many in her life.

vlynn.iowa
by Bronze Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:03 PM

No, this does not make you a bad mom.  Right now visiting Dad is all about fun and living with you is all about rules so let her go live with her dad.  It sounds like she needs to learn a few lessons the hard way.  Counseling would also be good.

Decemberlov
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:07 PM

Agreed!

Quoting DropZoneMom:

Let her go live with her dad -- yes, I'm serious.  Tell her you know how unhappy she is with you & all your rules, but that she can always come back.   Then let her father try actually parenting (for once) -- they'll both learn that living together full time is a hell of a lot of WORK, and not nearly as 'fun' as your daughter thinks it's going to be.   If she flunks school this year -- well, she'll just have to make it up in summer school, or by repeating the whole year.     They're called 'consequences' -- and I have the feeling your daughter hasn't had many in her life.


bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:21 PM

 

Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 She's 14.  You don't give her a choice.

Quoting Talienas:

 

she won't go for it.

Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 I think some family counseling could do you all some good.

 

 

 

 This...

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:34 PM

I remember pulling that stuff with my mom. She packed my bags, put them on the porch and said there ya go. It freaked me out, never said those words to her again.

Talienas
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 2:17 PM
I was a pain and I'll admit it, but I didn't have a dad in the picture to constantly run to and act like he was gold. Instead my mom whooped my ass but these days that's jail time. Such crap. I think after I talk to dh, and dd, I'm packing her up. But I'm pretty upset so really don't know.
supercarp
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 2:34 PM

Let her go. It may destroy her, but if that is going to happen you can't change it now. If your ex allows her to go down the drain, someday she'll realize it. If you force her to stay with you all you will accomplish is making your homelife miserable. Be available and let her know that if she ever needs help you'll be there for her.

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